Good News All Around

My grandfather is doing very well after his surgery and is now home with home nursing. He is feisty which is a good sign. My friend Mary W. made it home late last night and we had a fabulous visit. It was too short but great. We did get everything planted and tomato, pepper seedlings are under the grow light almost ready to go in the ground mid May. I still have flower and squash seeds plus ginger root to plant. I love planting my own ginger and anyone can do it. It takes a while for it to grow but it lasts a long time and can be moved indoors of in a container. The flowers after a year or two are lovely but I have never let them grow that long. I use too much in my tea. I am watching our huge ground hog who lives in the barn eat the dandelions. two ducks who live in our wetlands backyard are waddling across the yard.

I had good news from my kidney Dr., Dr. Rao. All is doing great and I do not need to see him until September. I just need to get iron and blood levels back up to normal and will do now with all the fresh greens and meat at the farmers market. I took a break from the heavy iron tabs. I am almost there. These kidneys keep surprising us. They are functioning perfectly. I love my Dr. too. He is from India, Madras actually. He is so sweet and asks all the right questions. Very smart indeed. And to find one who specializes in lupus is rare. He is a good hugger too.

I also met with the surgeon today and my new hip is doing great. I am off the restrictions and can now swim. It will be 6 months before it is completely healed but it is doing great now and I just need to take care of it and let it strengthen. The right one has not progressed or deteriorated. I will be able to hold off on replacement until September (fingers crossed) unless it starts to hurt more or make more noises. Doug's schedule does not allow me to do it sooner unless it is necessary. I will not lift heavy weights and will stay off it as much as possible while still swimming, paddling and gardening. I love summer !!!!! And lupus is calm and I am feeling better. Just tired from all the appointments, allergies, gardening and blood draws. We are running tests we do not generally run which are important and could be preventative in measure or could cure some underlying issues or side effects of all the medications and treatments.

I thought about positive attitude today more so than normal. It may not cure a person or stop "seemingly bad things" from happening to us but it can free us from being victims or falling into a "poor me" slump. The attitude and faith or a belief in a higher purpose is always helpful no matter what you believe. I know all is well even when it seems bad. I have to believe in that. It is the reaction which we can control not the circumstances.

So make yourself a good day with positive thoughts and be grateful for what you do have. It will make you appreciate it that much more.

garden half planted

My good friend Mary Worrell from Asheville ( her husband Casey or "Chuck" and Douglas are doing the project together in NC) is here and we are having a great time. Yesterday we planted seeds and she dug up an area for potatoes and onions. I have been slowly adding activity to my list. It felt great being in the garden. I think tomorrow morning we will have it planted in full except the tomatoes, peppers and summer squash. I can do those first week of May. If anyone wants to come help in the garden you will reap the benefits. Please call first though. I can always use help around the yard !!!!

Dad came over on his new motorcycle he got for a song. The economy works well for those who can take advantage of it. It is an Italian road bike called Aprillia. It is beautiful !!! He had to show me how to use my new power chair and all the technical stuff. I took it for a spin around the drive, yard and to the garden. It has a basket for carrying tools and food. I think I will get great use out of it, especially when I can afford to get a lift or ramp for the van. It is wonderful to know I can get out and do things even on the days when walking is dificult.

Today we went to the farmers market and a home-garden general store. We ate at my favorite Korean dive "Kosmos". I am happy. Then we went to the egg ladies house but she was not there. Her eggs are the best. Now after a nap, Mary and I are resting with books, magazines and computers. It is storming outside so no outside work until tomorrow morning. After we get my list of chores completed in garden-yard we will take a break to go to lake or do something fun.

Have a wonderful weekend. For those of you who know my grandfather whom I call Dad a lot, Lawson, he just had a successful surgery repairing an aortic aneurysm. He was cut from sternum to groin. He is very sore but feeling good and will be resting up in hospital then rehab for two-three weeks. Major surgery. I am so happy he went through it well.

There is grass under those wet dead leaves

The guys came yesterday to my surprise and spent 3 hours blowing leaves off the grass into the woods and cut the grass. First of the season. It was great to see how green it is. The birds are living it too with new worms and hopefully grubs for them to eat. Not that I want grubs because they grow into beetles and they attract moles and voles, but I do want the birds to eat them. Our grass and gardens die when the moles eat there way under ground. There are nematodes for eating grubs but very expensive !!! Nature always wins.

With Douglas coming home everything seems brighter. It is almost 60 degrees and sunny and will be up to 70 tomorrow and Saturday. Perfect for gardening and walking outside. Yes I am being careful and not over doing it. I know I have to stay off the legs but I also need to exercise and get fresh air and sunshine. The dankness of winter has lifted in the sunshine and so does my spirit. It is a time of renewal and health. The trees we planted last year are sprouting buds !!! Which is exciting. I just wish I could remember what we planted. I know there is one almond, one dwarf apple and one dwarf pear. I just can not remember what is in the front yard? I think it is a maple. I also have a few banked which may survive. Birch and willow. Have not checked the strawberries yet.

All is fabulous !!!! feeling stronger every day.

Douglas is coming home Thursday

I am sooo looking forward to Doug's short visit. I have missed my man. He is ready for a well deserved break. We (what's this we stuff?) plan to till the garden, plant tomato seeds in pots for starting seedling, mulch around the house and snuggle. I know you all had a spring break or are having one. I hope it is a good one for sure. I spent Easter with Mary Mandeville, Nina and dad and Mary came by for a short visit to pull a piece of plastic that was dragging under my van. It was a protective cover for the under carriage and I drove to the hospital last week hearing something so strange I thought it was my tires or breaks. Then I realized what it was. When I got home Doug informed me he also had a vehicle issue............he had to get a new transmission for his truck. Always something. Oh well it is like new and mine is fixed for now.

I have been off IV antibiotics for 9 days!! Last Sunday was my last infusion and I really feel it leaving my body. I feel like I am on detox. I think my stomach is coming back to normal and I now have a sore throat and cold, which has been trying to get me. I feel more normal. I even cleaned house a little and still working on more; spring cleaning stuff and re-organizing. I am amazed at how many clothes and shoes I have that do not fit. Maybe never did? a friend said I should get a pair of those panties with a fake butt or padding. That would be something. I will stick to baggy sweats for now. I have been doing more leg strengthening isometrics and I can see progress, but still no buns. I just wish I could do more. Patience.............what is that?

My neighbor brought me a book which consists of daily affirmations to push oneself a little harder, strive for more in life, fulfill dreams, expect more of ones self, trust "all is perfect" and we have a choice. The choice is how we start out the day and end it with all the details in between. It is perfect and yet we can strive for better. It is self improvement to continue growing in life. The challenges make us stronger and they are gifts. In the midst of these challenges I find it hard to stay positive if I focus on the challenges themselves instead of the solutions, while at the same time, letting go. Some say "Let go, Let God", others say "God willing" while others say "If it is meant to be it will be" or "It just Is". These phrases are all saying the same thing. I believe we do not control anything but our reactions to challenges and events. I will strive to stick to that path of letting go...........I turn it over to a higher power and trust in good faith that all is perfect just as it is and tell myself I am grateful for all of life's experiences; The good the bad and the pretty. It is something to strive for yet not always easy.

Our neighbors are starting a community share agriculture business on their small family farm. They have been building a hot house, cold frames and other fun stuff. I bought some eggs from them and they are great !!! If you live in A2 let me know when you need eggs. They are fabulous and $3 a dozen for free range-organic. We both have the idea to put a produce stand out in front of our land which gets a lot of traffic, runners and cyclists. It is a good way to get rid of extra produce and make a little money to pay for seed, mulch, organic fertilizer etc. Next year maybe we will participate with them in the CSA. What a great way to support local family garden-farms while making a little money. Douglas better get home and get those rabbits fattened up! I can taste the casulet now !!! It feels good to know we have some local garden neighbor friends with whom to trade and support. "Barn Raisings" are the new house painting parties yall. I will continue to trade food for other services with family and friends. You eat you pick!!

Mary is back to Chicago for a few weeks. It has been very quiet with the rain pouring down. I slept in and spent most of the day book keeping while visualizing the money flowing...For everyone !!!
Love and Peace !!!

A new day

Today our ducks came back for the spring. We have a pair of Mallards who come to our pond every soring before the summer dries it up. They nest on the woods and swim-eat in water. Then they fly off somewhere? That is my signal that spring is here and we may get a frost or light snow but I feel that old man winter has started his nap. Also, there was a mink in our backyard two days ago on the night of the full moon. It was black, long, lean and skinny with a long tail. My friend was here and she said she has seen them up north but not around lower Michigan. I wonder if it was someone's pet? We have a new breed of squirrel too. Doug and I thought we had baby squirrels but it turns out they are actually a mini squirrel and have migrated here too??? I can not say it is global warming but something strange is happening. They eat wood and are not good to keep around. I took up the bird feeders because it seems that was attracting the whole clan of unusual rodents.
One of them is in the attic but that is probably a mouse. So now I have my ducks in a row!!

Mary is leaving Monday for her loft in Chicago and to continue her job quest and trying to sell her loft. I am able to be on my own now and feel stronger every day. I still need to rest and sleep in late and go to bed early with my 3-5 pm daily "nap" or rest/TV time, but getting around great. I will need some help with things like trash, recycling, cleaning and anything requiring lifting or carrying, but other than that I am independent. Mary has been great and I so appreciate all she has done to help. Her assistance and company was a god send and I feel we all need our friends during these times even if we feel we can do everything alone. I am an independent and stubborn person but grateful for her ability to hang in there with me through my moods and down spell. "Thanks Auntie Mary!" I will always be there for you when you need.

more later..........................

I am now off the daptomycin and PICC is out

Yesterday my home nurse came for the last time this go around to take out PICC and draw blood. Usually we take blood through the PICC but we took the PICC out and realized it had a long blood clot at the end. Good thing it is out, but we tried for 30 minutes to find a vein that would hold up. Found tiny one in right hand and got a few drops. I do not know how they will draw blood now? I am hoping we get this figured out somehow. So in two weeks we can take an aspiration on the right hip to see if there is infection or metal or plastic fragments floating around where the parts have worn out. Then we will decide how to proceed. They may or may not let me swim. Still very cautious. That's all for today. The sun is shining.

Pitty party over

I am sorry for spewing my angst all over the blog for you to read as this is how I journal. I guess we all have bad days no matter how hard we fight it. One thing I have learned is :"This too shall pass". I know when in the midst of a bad day it seems surreal and very important, but it isn't really. It is the great days we will hold close to our heart and remember. I can not imagine what it is like being in a war or a country which under constant upheaval. In that sense I am ashamed of being such a whiny brat....so let's move on. Negativity wears me out. it's a new day !!!

I also understand what it is called "Reactionary Depression". It occurs during but usually after a life altering event or a period of challenges like health scares, death of loved one, a big move, divorce, loss of job etc. Pretty much where the entire country is right now. It is usually a short depression which can be handled by talking to someone objective, writing, helping others and reading inspirational tales of those who have had it much worse and survived joyfully. I have had it after every major health crisis and it seems to be the time period when I realize a long span of time has passed when I had to focus on healing and dealing with insurance, money, loss of social interaction, loss of work or school, being in bed, in the hospital or just feeling very weak with no room to feel emotional. Then I awaken one day and there is a gray tint to everything my rose colored glasses usually seek out. I do not seem to get a good laugh together or feel motivated. Small challenges seem huge. This is a dark night of the soul but the sun also rises. It is that time needed to absorb the events and gather energy for the next phase. Life has it's cycles and they live within us and nature. I know when I get through this spring I will begin to feel myself happy and upbeat once again. I also miss Douglas so much. He is my rock and my soft spot. My best friend and great love. Two months fly by and yet they drag just the same. I am grateful for the health care and generosity of friends and family. I am blessed to have a wonderful space in which to heal and I still feel positive but I have to allow some sadness to creep into my heart or I would be super human or not human at all. I will take average humanoid any day. Well...part bionic.
So I will make myself a great day and keep focused on the things which bring joy and fill the heart and mind with positivity and gratitude.

stressed and snowed out..

Today was a very interesting day filled with many challenges on all fronts. To start we lost power over a frosty snow filled night. Luckily it was brief but did start up generators in the local neighborhood with lights on the mini mansions filling the sky like Christmas. Our garage light mysteriously came on inside too, which was a first. I was alone so had to go down and to check out what was happening and turn off the light. Then a tree fell somewhere? Limbs were falling all over and the raccoons were loudly resting below my bedroom window in a restless manor. The winds must have scared them. I heard another animal I can not explain??? The night did not include a lot of sleep needless to say, but it was very pretty. The whiteness of the snow overshadowed by an almost full moon illuminated the sky and reflected off the trees and electric lines like neon icicles. So glad I did not have flower beds cleared. After 6.5 inches fell in a very short period of time I waited for the driveway clearing trucks in he a.m. One appeared for a moment making one straight line from road to the side of Doug's workshop? If you have been to our house you will understand this is only a small portion of the drive. My van sat immersed in 6 inches plus of snow in the front drive. So I called the company who clears the drive and explained. They were perplexed as well. I explained I was unable to shovel the walkways and asked if they would do this when they come back, if they come back. They said they would call the driver. Then a couple hours later a new driver showed up who is not a plower, but a landscaper. He explained he would shovel but could not plow and did not know where the drive way was, which I could understand due to banks of snow. Also, Doug took all the markers off the drive thinking we would not get another big snow in April. Lesson #1 in Michigan: Snow can happen till May. So he shoveled out an area in front of the garage so I could pull my van inside and wait out the melt. We agreed to not plow with out being able to see the drive as not to plow grass. Then a few hours later I hear a plower scraping the driveway again and this time guessing where were the front drive curves around a circle of grass. Well don't have to cut that grass anymore. Now the drive is a pile of water, mud and mounds of snow filled mud,gravel and grass. So I will ask for a refund on this round. I then had to take the trash out to the "curb" which was interesting. "I am woman I am strong". I hope my PT is not reading this............

While this unfolded; my home nurse came on schedule but could not draw needed labs due to lack of lab orders from hospital. Well, the ID clinic happens to be closed on Mondays and the order we had was old and did not include the tests they wanted. How many times has this happened in the past two months? She left frustrated and I was already in a state. Not Michigan either. I called my Dr.'s cell and she answered right away. Problem solved and I will be off antibiotics from now on. You see I was also having diarrhea, weakness, fatigue and other issues related to the antibiotics. I have not felt very well last few days after infusions and today it caught up. Glad to be off but concerned about lack of communication between clinic, hospital and home nursing. I will do my part to help fix it . I believe it has much to do with the cut in funding and the insurance practice which allows Dr.'s only 15 minutes per patient and nurses have twice the amount of work in half the time. Do the insurance companies know that Dr.'s and nurses work overtime without pay in order to care for their patients? Some fall threw the cracks? I hope they figure it out soon. Lack of communication and clarity does need to be cleared up. I am an advocate as well as a patient. I believe we can each help. Tell your insurance companies and care givers your needs and desires clearly. Keep records and stay on top of your care or have an advocate.

I am dealing with some other issues of personal matter and need not go into the details. Some family members, whom I love, are challenged and some ill and aged. This takes a piece of my heart. I wish them all well.

The good news is that the sun has peeked through the snow filled sky for a moment and it feels warm and cozy inside as I rest on a hot pad. Phone batteries both dead so I guess I am supposed to be quiet. May you have a quiet evening as I do.

Time on my hands

For the past two plus months, and then some, I have had way too much time on my hands. I have spent two trips in the hospital, had home nursing, watched TV, listened to music, meditated, read magazines, books and catalogs. I have tried to knit, unsuccessfully. I have talked on the phone regularly to certain peeps and have spent much time staring out the window blankly while letting my brain run wild or simply empty. I have slept, not slept, tossed and turned, given myself daily IV's and spent way too much time with medical professionals and in hospital. I have pondered, prayed, projected, postulated and procrastinated. I've written, diddled, emailed, sent cards, read cards, Googled, blogged and Skyped. (Are we still in America? Words we never knew are now a part of Wikopedea's vocabulary). I have eaten and drank....perhaps even too much at times, yet I seem to find balance with it all when I take a moment to face the mirror. I know my weaknesses even better than most because I have lots of time to analyze them and correct them, if I am lucky. Faults, I have a few, yet they do not seem to be as bad as those poor fools on reality TV. Is that real? Really? In the end the Razors Edge is just what it sounds like: a thin and possibly sharp line between two worlds or two mental perceptions of reality. There are fine lines between everything in the human psyche, as I have discovered during this self imposed "sabbatical". I highly recommended taking personal time for an extended period. You will be bored and perhaps lonely at times but you will find things out about yourself that you never knew...whether you like it or not. If you don't judge yourself you can change, grow and actually love what you see in the mirror: the way the creator made you. That is what I find so wonderful about being a human spirit.

Winter not gone yet

I see people with spring fever after a few warm days out raking, mulching, wedding and clearing way for the sprouts to reach towards the sun. I had the urge myself after buying all our garden seeds, but something in my heart knows we are not done yet. Chickens are on hold this spring. Today I feel the winter chill and it will snow Sunday. I hope the fresh buds on our baby trees stay warm and toasty. I myself can not yet tend to yard care or gardening so I guess I am lucky because that impulse is so strong. After a long winter as we have had this year, with first snow in November lasting until a few weeks ago, one gets excited when spring appears. So for all of you Yanks...be cautious and let those leaves hang out a little longer to protect the tender new growth.

Today has been sleepy. Rainy-windy and cold make me want a fire in the fire place and nap or a good movie or a good read. I am reading an translation of War and Peace. Translated from Tolstoy's original edition. I did not realize he wrote a few. He had different endings and even some of the characters changed. During the time it was first written there was much turmoil and political unrest. This also has much to do with Napoleon and the bloody war between Russia and France. Yet many Russian nobles spoke French it was not considered "appropriate" among the commoners. Tolstoy was not as sensitive to this as he wanted to portray the truth as he saw it in a fictional text. He used French terms and language and even names(characters) in the first edition and later fell under extreme pressure to take out anything French which may cause political unrest. I am enjoying the read so far and am not too bored. I already am aware that the Russian writers from earlier times had difficult beginnings for those of us who do not grasp the Russian language and their need to explain the family tree and all relations-connections to the main characters. All the names sound the same anyway due to the surname use and maiden name added, I think that is how they did it. ??? If you know help me understand?

I was discharged from home PT today. Sally is my home PT and is wonderful. I have had her here at home for last three years. The one I see as an outpatient is Claudia and she is also fabulous. Both very different in style but equally great. I like to stay with the same care givers and trainers who understand the complications my body presents. Just like yesterday afternoon the infectious disease nurse(that does not sound right) called to let me know my white count was low and I needed to come in first thing this morning for the second blood draw of the week. I saw the labs and they have changed so much from just Monday. I feel like a fluid body of water rapidly changing with the tides bringing in whatever is washed out to sea. I feel like I need constant monitoring. Yesterday after the infusion I was so weak and tired I slept till 6:45. I got up only because dad called saying he was bringing over home made Mole'. It was fabulous !!! I love Mexican food and have been eating chili all week that I made Tuesday !!! So good and lots of avocados too. I need the fat said one of my favorite nurses. I have gained weight this past go around with being so inactive. I weighed more than I have ever weighed but just lost 5 lbs so now I am still 5 pounds over my normal-comfortable weight. Oh shut up all of you who are swearing at me. We all have our comfort zone and I have to stay thin to save my bones.. so there.

All is well and I am more concerned for many who I know who are dealing with their own health issues. There are too many examples and stories to tell of the sick, those in need of procedures and those who have recently passed or are preparing to die, but I will leave it at that. I do not fear or stay away from the topic of illness and death but I am sensitive to those who may feel it too morbid. "Hey it is a part of life".

Douglas is in hyper work mode for sure along with the entire team of people working overtime to get the job done and to bring it in under budget and under time frame. When I say under I do not mean less than I mean not above and over. Understandably all clients want it done fast and inexpensive. This client is very good to everyone and easy to work with so that is a bonus. Douglas seems to have gotten in his groove after two weeks with some stress but mostly happy with it. Dad and I talk about going down for a visit later but the Dr.'s will not let me leave. The lock down will continue for some time. I also know he is too busy to entertain even me. Although I am sure he would try. For those of you who want to visit with Doug understand he is working 7 days a week from 5/6 a.m. till late in the evening sometimes midnight. Do not be offended if he says he can not meet up. When on a project like this he is on the clients dime and clock and he wants to hurry up and get home !!! Plus another project immediately following will take a couple-few weeks so he is focused. I sure miss him !!! On that note good day to you all !!!

From The Dhammapada

"Victory is mine,

Knowledge is mine,

And all purity,

All surrender.

"I want nothing.

I am free.

I found my way.

Whom shall I call Teacher?"

The gift of truth is beyond giving.

The taste beyond sweetness,

The joy beyond joy.

The end of desire is the end of sorrow.