This week I found out that after almost 25 years of corticosteroid use due to Lupus, I actually have functioning Adrenal glands, which are responsible for producing around 8 mg of cortisol per day. There are varying beliefs on the correct amount, but I am proud to say mine are fully functioning, which means I can get off steroids. It will take a month to taper off. I will still remain on the CellCept (immunosuppressive-"chemo") daily along with natural, western meds., herbs and supplements. This is great news for my bones, vascular system, heart etc. I was told it is very very rare for adrenals to function after years on steroids. Also my Thyroid is functioning and Kidneys are doing great. I feel like I am moving in a healthier place every day. PT,meditation,light yoga,breath work, awareness, diet, body work, supportive mate and loved ones etc. is all helping so much. Acupuncture is essential. I really have to say: "Positive attitude and support" go a long way. It sometimes takes a team. Thanks team for hanging in there all these years. If we can spread the good news to those who need it most that would be the pay off. I am on a healing path even if the lupus remains I know I have truly healed the inner most me. That is what I carry forward into this journey of life. I am blessed, we are all blessed. The dramas are only temporary and lessen when we shift our awareness and focus on what is good.
That never negates the pain and suffering which exists in the world on so many levels. I have no answer for that except it all points towards growth and experience. Hell is a world we create in our own minds and hearts. I choose to have bliss(heaven) everyday. I chose that for every being.
Good album: Herbie Hancock "Rivers" Joni Mitchell tribute. Heart felt and melodic.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Happy Rebirth
Wow how lovely this amazing creature is and how well it grows in it's cocoon only to emerge from a worm to a beautiful butterfly with iridescent wings no artist could replicate. The mighty power and glory of nature is all about this weekend. The rebirth and growth of spring and the easter-equinox-full moon weekend can speak to us on many levels of "coming out" of our hibernation into the green grass and dandelion fields of yellow. Air fresh and clear. Skies blue and white dappled by clouds with clowns faces. How lucky are we?
Enjoy this moment and this weekend with loved ones and friends. Share your love with someone today. I did so here's to my dear friends Carol,Jessie and Sharon, glad to chat with you so far away and damn !!! Sharon, you look 50 fine sister and happy birthday !!! Miss you both very much.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Autoimmune Epidemic
http://www.alternet.org/healthwellness/80129
Read this article about a book written by a strong woman who has done her research on why many Americans still know nothing about autoimmune diseases while they remain the strongest category of disabling disorders. The environment is increasingly more toxic which increase the incidence of autoimmune strains disease. It is a good cautionary story of taking good care of yourself and the planet. Also of how the media gives no attention to it because things like cancer, heart disease and erectile dysfunction. Think about it. Have you ever seen a commercial for a new exciting treatment for lupus? Yet it is said that one in nine people have an autoimmune disorder.
What can we do? Write your letters to senate. Write your local media and start learning. There will be an increase in this area if we do not educate people. Knowledge is power and there is much hope if we all do our best to make aware the public on how our environment and bodies are directly related. We each handle it or our bodies express it differently. Some experience depression, cancer, lupus, anger, anxiety, heart attacks or just plain ambivalence. We each have our bucket to carry up hill and that is life. Perhaps you do not have time to help but you can share this link with your friends, especially female loved ones. It can save a life.
On that note I am down with a cold but feeling better and it is a lovely full moon and equinox is close at hand as is Easter. With the change from winter to spring I feel a need to rest and pull in energy before the springs begins to bloom and days are filled with light and endless possibilities of new growth and new life. I find this a metaphor for my own inner growth and that which our world is going through. I think of Tibetan Monks having to fight for their home and right to practice meditation. (China should be ashamed, but then so should our government for forcing businesses to move to China, for borrowing money from them and for making them the super power they have become. ) But if you pay attention to the world, which is crazier everyday( just turn on TV for five minutes and you can see) we are in a new and strange world, but the good news is that people are waking up and taking a stand. This is growth. We can each do our part to shed light on whatever topic(s) is most important to us. We can help our neighbors and donate some time to a good cause. We can write to our politicians about what is important. This is how we change. By having a voice and using it for a positive change with out anger or violence, but with dialog and understanding. A little compassion goes a long way, but our voices can still be loud and strong. Think of a crocus reaching for the sky. It does not ask how or why it just forces itself up naturally. Then it blooms into a lovely gem only to fade away. Life is like that and now we are able to make it a gem before it fades away to the next generation. My wish for all is that we see this connection to nature and how it affects our bodies, minds and spirits. Happy Spring!!
Read this article about a book written by a strong woman who has done her research on why many Americans still know nothing about autoimmune diseases while they remain the strongest category of disabling disorders. The environment is increasingly more toxic which increase the incidence of autoimmune strains disease. It is a good cautionary story of taking good care of yourself and the planet. Also of how the media gives no attention to it because things like cancer, heart disease and erectile dysfunction. Think about it. Have you ever seen a commercial for a new exciting treatment for lupus? Yet it is said that one in nine people have an autoimmune disorder.
What can we do? Write your letters to senate. Write your local media and start learning. There will be an increase in this area if we do not educate people. Knowledge is power and there is much hope if we all do our best to make aware the public on how our environment and bodies are directly related. We each handle it or our bodies express it differently. Some experience depression, cancer, lupus, anger, anxiety, heart attacks or just plain ambivalence. We each have our bucket to carry up hill and that is life. Perhaps you do not have time to help but you can share this link with your friends, especially female loved ones. It can save a life.
On that note I am down with a cold but feeling better and it is a lovely full moon and equinox is close at hand as is Easter. With the change from winter to spring I feel a need to rest and pull in energy before the springs begins to bloom and days are filled with light and endless possibilities of new growth and new life. I find this a metaphor for my own inner growth and that which our world is going through. I think of Tibetan Monks having to fight for their home and right to practice meditation. (China should be ashamed, but then so should our government for forcing businesses to move to China, for borrowing money from them and for making them the super power they have become. ) But if you pay attention to the world, which is crazier everyday( just turn on TV for five minutes and you can see) we are in a new and strange world, but the good news is that people are waking up and taking a stand. This is growth. We can each do our part to shed light on whatever topic(s) is most important to us. We can help our neighbors and donate some time to a good cause. We can write to our politicians about what is important. This is how we change. By having a voice and using it for a positive change with out anger or violence, but with dialog and understanding. A little compassion goes a long way, but our voices can still be loud and strong. Think of a crocus reaching for the sky. It does not ask how or why it just forces itself up naturally. Then it blooms into a lovely gem only to fade away. Life is like that and now we are able to make it a gem before it fades away to the next generation. My wish for all is that we see this connection to nature and how it affects our bodies, minds and spirits. Happy Spring!!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Good Thought For the Day
Measured objectively, what a man can wrest from Truth by passionate striving is utterly infinitesimal. But the striving frees us from the bonds of the self and makes us comrades of those who are the best and the greatest.
Einstein
Einstein
Sunday, March 16, 2008
A new day
After a ten day alone in Michigan watching the white snow out of our big window, I came to a very important realization I have been carrying almost my entire life. I have identified so much with lupus as a patient, a daughter of a patient, advocate etc...that it is what people knew most about me or how I defined myself. I am now putting that old story or tape behind me. I am so many other things on top of having an illness. I see my potential and the harm in being so identified with one aspect of one's being. I am a survivor and a human with dreams, goals, hobbies and hopes like everyone else. So I ask you dear friends to support this transformation. I will only bring up lupus if it is necessary and I ask you do not ask me about it. Ask me about things which make me feel strong, smart and healthy. "Normal" so to speak. I feel stronger and better every day.
The new shift will also mean a new way of writing here. I am writing this blog as a base for a book. I will be telling a story which is magical, funny and sometimes raw. But most of all it is about what being in the now can be like.
Love,
Angela
The new shift will also mean a new way of writing here. I am writing this blog as a base for a book. I will be telling a story which is magical, funny and sometimes raw. But most of all it is about what being in the now can be like.
Love,
Angela
Monday, February 25, 2008
DANGER DRUG RECALL
As it turned out I actually did get the bad batch of re-called fentanyl pain patches. the company is SANDOZ manufactured by ALSA and the information should be available at your pharmacist or google it online. What pisses me off is that I got an email from a friend last week about this recall and the pharmacy just received the note from the drug company. I have been experiencing symptoms and have not been feeling good for two flipping weeks which is most likely from this malfunctioning patch. It was slowly leaking out and could have had an overdose or died of a heart attach. My symptons have been extremely bad itching everywhere( and I mean everywhere). So please pass this along if you know anyone who may be on this medication. if I were the kind of person to sue I would. Not because they made a mistake but because my pharmacist even inquired about this and was told we did not get the re-called item. They are willing to give all patients who got this a free replacement. Man I am so over the drug companies, but I am at a loss for other pain control. Yes I meditate, breathe, creative visualizations, yoga, acupuncture, craniosacral etc....What is a girl to do?I am tired of living with extreme bone-joint-muscle pain due to lupus and long term effects of drugs which save my life. Now I am just venting. I will be the enlightened being I know myself to be and forgive and move on. Thanks for listening. I will write a letter to the company though.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Thought for Thu, 21 Feb 2008
Thought for Thu, 21 Feb 2008
Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: it transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology; it covers both the natural spiritual, and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity. - Albert Einstein..
Today I pondered the wonder I saw last night as the full moon went into eclipse. The power of the pulling forces from the sun-moon are intense in so many ways to me. I feel them in my emotions, which we now know is actually a gravitational pull on the fluids(blood) in our bodies, which can cause the emotional part of the brain as well as other parts to feel "pressure" and makes us act a little strange, have weird dreams, feel strange sensations, be emotional or even angry. This past week I have run the gamut of emotions after many little "problems" which I only viewed as "imposed" problems. These every day events do not actually shape who we are, they are little blips reminding us of what is truly important. The eclipse of the full moon made me realize how small these little problems are and how insignificant is the energy on which I place in them.
I decided today I will deepen my meditation-yoga-balance practice. I do not practice daily as I should or as long as I should. I say "should" because I know the profoundly positive effect this has on my well being and in keeping lupus at bay. I may not be able to grow back bone where it is gone or kidney tissue where it is hardened, but then again maybe I can? Miracles happen every day. I felt such a sense of this reality and peace when receiving acupuncture from my friend and Dr. Cissy Majebe. She has been treating me for 20 years. I first saw her when I was in a coma in the hospital in 89 with little to no pulse. They said I was dying. After a treatment and many prayers I lived. The drugs and other forms of healing: acupuncture, mediation, being quiet, listening, resting, swimming, yoga, gardening, reading, breathing and walking in nature all help me heal. Cissy has always been a rock for me in helping me remember how far I have come with the tool bag I acquired. I watched her keep her mate alive for five years with acupuncture-herbs and western medicine while waiting for a transplant. She is doing well after her new kidney was placed into her fragile body. Long term effects may never go away but the memory of the miracle in life is always there if we chose to remember.
So I place my resolution out there to the ethers and whoever still reads this; I will walk tall even if in a wheelchair and I will see no limitations only balance. I am grateful for all the teachers along the path who have inspired me. Some will never know how much they have touched me. I DO.
Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: it transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology; it covers both the natural spiritual, and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity. - Albert Einstein..
Today I pondered the wonder I saw last night as the full moon went into eclipse. The power of the pulling forces from the sun-moon are intense in so many ways to me. I feel them in my emotions, which we now know is actually a gravitational pull on the fluids(blood) in our bodies, which can cause the emotional part of the brain as well as other parts to feel "pressure" and makes us act a little strange, have weird dreams, feel strange sensations, be emotional or even angry. This past week I have run the gamut of emotions after many little "problems" which I only viewed as "imposed" problems. These every day events do not actually shape who we are, they are little blips reminding us of what is truly important. The eclipse of the full moon made me realize how small these little problems are and how insignificant is the energy on which I place in them.
I decided today I will deepen my meditation-yoga-balance practice. I do not practice daily as I should or as long as I should. I say "should" because I know the profoundly positive effect this has on my well being and in keeping lupus at bay. I may not be able to grow back bone where it is gone or kidney tissue where it is hardened, but then again maybe I can? Miracles happen every day. I felt such a sense of this reality and peace when receiving acupuncture from my friend and Dr. Cissy Majebe. She has been treating me for 20 years. I first saw her when I was in a coma in the hospital in 89 with little to no pulse. They said I was dying. After a treatment and many prayers I lived. The drugs and other forms of healing: acupuncture, mediation, being quiet, listening, resting, swimming, yoga, gardening, reading, breathing and walking in nature all help me heal. Cissy has always been a rock for me in helping me remember how far I have come with the tool bag I acquired. I watched her keep her mate alive for five years with acupuncture-herbs and western medicine while waiting for a transplant. She is doing well after her new kidney was placed into her fragile body. Long term effects may never go away but the memory of the miracle in life is always there if we chose to remember.
So I place my resolution out there to the ethers and whoever still reads this; I will walk tall even if in a wheelchair and I will see no limitations only balance. I am grateful for all the teachers along the path who have inspired me. Some will never know how much they have touched me. I DO.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
good news
the pharmacist, whom i love, emailed to tell me after researching found out i was not taking the malfunctioning patch and she did not order from that batch or wholesaler and all is good except i am having a major itch reaction and can not just quit taking it, as with any opiate. i really feel i am immuned to drug addiction in that sense but i forget that all opiates have a chemical addiction. just because i am not dependent on it emotionally and can stop taking it whenever i decide, it only shows my will is stronger than that chemical reaction the body feels so strongly. i sometimes have thought i was immuned from chemical or any dependency and in my mind i am (except for chardonay). the fact is that with any medication one needs to slowly stop instead of abruptly stopping. i learned a lesson i have had to learn many times as all chronically ill people do. sometimes we get very sick of all the medications, treatments, illnesses, side effects, social ramifications and all that goes with being with a chronic and sometimes life threatening illness. with that i know i need some rest this week.
the large buddha in our apt. is the best healing mode for me now !!! i meditated with it for an hour and felt so relaxed.
the large buddha in our apt. is the best healing mode for me now !!! i meditated with it for an hour and felt so relaxed.
difficult few days plus year and half?
after i posted last time i lost half of my computer files which consisted mostly of a book i have been writing and compiling info for. long story but i even tried to back up and did something wrong or the device was messed up who knows. i was able to retrieve half after a computer guru worked on it. i cried when i felt the incredible loss of all the recordings i made on digital recorder of my grandparents, douglas, dr's, friends, family and me for the book. i had letters, poems and many emails which were touching and inspiring all to be a part of the book. i guess one has to learn not to be so attached to certain "things".
then today found out why i had problems with the pain patch and problems after taking it off. there is a recall on them after many people reported issues. the plastic had a slow leak in some instances which would leak the opiate onto skin and perhaps caregivers as well. the itch, flu like symptoms and tiredness was probably related and when i stopped suddenly i could have had a heart attack due to opiate withdrawals. i was under the impression i could stop taking them. i learned a huge lesson or many lessons this week. it is always something. i also get frustrated being away from home where all our files and stuff is located. i find i am looking for information which is in a file there or forgot a nice rain coat or a pair of rain boots etc. just the comfort of being at home is strange. i also see the cup half full, don't worry, i am not losing my positive attitude simply being human for a moment. all in all the emotions of many months and even past 1.5 years is being felt.
then today found out why i had problems with the pain patch and problems after taking it off. there is a recall on them after many people reported issues. the plastic had a slow leak in some instances which would leak the opiate onto skin and perhaps caregivers as well. the itch, flu like symptoms and tiredness was probably related and when i stopped suddenly i could have had a heart attack due to opiate withdrawals. i was under the impression i could stop taking them. i learned a huge lesson or many lessons this week. it is always something. i also get frustrated being away from home where all our files and stuff is located. i find i am looking for information which is in a file there or forgot a nice rain coat or a pair of rain boots etc. just the comfort of being at home is strange. i also see the cup half full, don't worry, i am not losing my positive attitude simply being human for a moment. all in all the emotions of many months and even past 1.5 years is being felt.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
my funny valentine
Douglas really out did himself this year. I was surprised by a lovely "Angel Food" candle, gorgeous flowers and a dinner out at a small restaurant on the 13th..(always ahead of our time). Then on 14th he said we would go by the hotel project to check on things and lock up and he had a surprise. We ended up on top of a friends building in downtown with the best views , and one of the highest, in the city. I was so happy. We watched the sunset with a bottle of wine us three and watched the sky go form pink to dusty purple-grey then dark. The funny thing is this friend and his wife ended up buying mine and mark's old store " A Far Away Place". It is a small world. Then we came home for a healthy dinner I made for him with yams, greens and chicken in butternut squash sauce. What a great day. We even treated ourselves to two vintage coats from a small thrift shop and two funky old tables that need some love. You know I love my mid century modern tables and chairs. I might use them in hotel but they will look great at home !! What a splurge. Then it was back to the computer.
All is coming along on the projects. The miles building exterior remod is turning out to be rich and opulent with these lovely iridescent tiles and the copper colored awning. Doug's copper door will be the cherry. The hotel is getting more complicated with HVAC and elevator. Now he wants solar on the roof too for hot water and a cafe will be coming soon too. It could be next winter before it is up and running. Today we are having our weekly power design meetings. I am excited to be on the conceptual and design end from the logo, branding, signs, menu, purchases etc. I have learned so much and even wrote the business plan for the hotel which was a real challenge but is good. Our client has placed enormous trust in us, especially Doug. I have the lucky job of mostly being on the computer, phone or in the home office. For the first time in my life I even have carpal tunnel in left hand. Doug walks from job to job and back to office four times a day.......but he loves it.
I stopped the pain patch and had a rough week with getting pain under control ,fatigue,itching and walking on sidewalks does not help bone pain on those little fractures(infarcts througout body) or joints. The yoga class really stretches me too and I hurt but we are trying to use milder forms of pain management. So far it's not working so well. I guess itching is better than being in pain. When it starts to keep me in bed or down on the couch for two hours every afternoon(like past week) and keeps me form going out walking, then I have to ask myself "why not use opiates if they help?". I met the Dr. down here and I like him. I still go to my acupuncturist every week and make stinky tea with dragon drool and bug butts, but it seems to be useful and I always come home and have the deepest sleep after a treatment. I guess the past two years has played havoc on my nervous system being in pain and always on guard. This helps me rest and helps with the pain. The gas is another story for another day. Chinese herbal tea is known for it's stinky side effects; while cooking and after ingesting. Just ask Doogie. All in all I feel stronger and look better-healthier every day. I even gained a couple pounds and muscles.
I find time at night to read and almost done with 500 page "Einstein". fascinating read.
For all you friends and family that check this out I love you and thanks for caring !!!! I know I have not contacted many friends while in Asheville but I will as time and energy allows. I only have so much social energy to give and lots of people with whom I want to share our friendship.
Namaste
All is coming along on the projects. The miles building exterior remod is turning out to be rich and opulent with these lovely iridescent tiles and the copper colored awning. Doug's copper door will be the cherry. The hotel is getting more complicated with HVAC and elevator. Now he wants solar on the roof too for hot water and a cafe will be coming soon too. It could be next winter before it is up and running. Today we are having our weekly power design meetings. I am excited to be on the conceptual and design end from the logo, branding, signs, menu, purchases etc. I have learned so much and even wrote the business plan for the hotel which was a real challenge but is good. Our client has placed enormous trust in us, especially Doug. I have the lucky job of mostly being on the computer, phone or in the home office. For the first time in my life I even have carpal tunnel in left hand. Doug walks from job to job and back to office four times a day.......but he loves it.
I stopped the pain patch and had a rough week with getting pain under control ,fatigue,itching and walking on sidewalks does not help bone pain on those little fractures(infarcts througout body) or joints. The yoga class really stretches me too and I hurt but we are trying to use milder forms of pain management. So far it's not working so well. I guess itching is better than being in pain. When it starts to keep me in bed or down on the couch for two hours every afternoon(like past week) and keeps me form going out walking, then I have to ask myself "why not use opiates if they help?". I met the Dr. down here and I like him. I still go to my acupuncturist every week and make stinky tea with dragon drool and bug butts, but it seems to be useful and I always come home and have the deepest sleep after a treatment. I guess the past two years has played havoc on my nervous system being in pain and always on guard. This helps me rest and helps with the pain. The gas is another story for another day. Chinese herbal tea is known for it's stinky side effects; while cooking and after ingesting. Just ask Doogie. All in all I feel stronger and look better-healthier every day. I even gained a couple pounds and muscles.
I find time at night to read and almost done with 500 page "Einstein". fascinating read.
For all you friends and family that check this out I love you and thanks for caring !!!! I know I have not contacted many friends while in Asheville but I will as time and energy allows. I only have so much social energy to give and lots of people with whom I want to share our friendship.
Namaste
Friday, February 1, 2008
where is the real winter?
Here in Asheville there has been cold weather with lots of wind but where is the snow? People are so concerned about the lack of precipitation due to summer drought and winter sunshine? I have to admit I miss Michigan snow at times. It is just natural. The seasons need to be. The why is always up for debate yet obvious to everyone who wants to accept it. The answers and solutions are available but so far in the future for implementation. Hang in there folks.
All is good here yet at times we both feel our brains being stretched to their limits. It is always good to challenge the brain matter but I have learned the balance is good too. After all work is work.
I took my first yoga class here for special needs. Most have MS. I have known the teacher for 20 years and she is wonderful. I have to get used to new ways of doing her style. The class in Ann Arbor is very different. It is the same with almost everything. The meditation temple is better for me here, yet the food costs are much much higher. Trade offs.
Off to visit family tomorrow and really looking forward to it. I hope you are all well and happy. A
All is good here yet at times we both feel our brains being stretched to their limits. It is always good to challenge the brain matter but I have learned the balance is good too. After all work is work.
I took my first yoga class here for special needs. Most have MS. I have known the teacher for 20 years and she is wonderful. I have to get used to new ways of doing her style. The class in Ann Arbor is very different. It is the same with almost everything. The meditation temple is better for me here, yet the food costs are much much higher. Trade offs.
Off to visit family tomorrow and really looking forward to it. I hope you are all well and happy. A
Friday, January 25, 2008
gravity and worm holes
Today I gaze out the window after a cold night in the mountains with the full moon hanging in the sky unaffected, it seems, by the gravitational pull we feel so much of on earth. I am reading The most comprehensive biography(in my opinion)on that wacky theoretical physicist Albert, whom we either love or or don't. I always held him in such high regard for his insights and outlook on life. Yet this book shines a new insight on this man as he grew from a youth to his thirties when he won his first Nobel prize. Then during the times after his carefree-bohemian youth as an aged and wise old professor. The younger version was a spitfire, smart ass punk. He did poorly in earlier schooling and actually dropped out. Luckily he was able to complete school and did eventually receive a doctorate, even though he peeved most of his professors. You see he learned visually, thus working in theory. He was not that great with math in the beginning and depended on mathematician friends to handle the research and lab work. Later in his mid 30's he had gained a greater respect and understanding of numbers for which apparently control the universe or at least answers every question in universal-scientific problems and beyond. My respect has grown for him learning the realities if his life and disposition, albeit somewhat difficult. The book is by Walter Issacson and is simply called "Einstein". A good yet challenging read !!
This brings me to gravity. We use the word in so many ways:
The gravitational pull; The gravity of the situation; "he had a certain amount of gravitas", etc....It implies heaviness or weight. In fact it is truly light and holds us in space as if we were light as a feather, or so it "seems". Yet we are truly moving with the planet as it spins around on it's axis making us objects in perpetual motion yet totally oblivious to it's effect and reality.
For such a long time I felt heavy as if gravity was holding me tightly to the earth. I could sink deep into her if I closed my eyes and let myself go. Now I have a new feeling of lightness as I did in earlier days. It comes to me at moments least expected. I am a universe unto myself and yet floating in orbit around those whom I love and who have a positive disposition which radiates a lightness I can see and feel. It is a good way to feel. The heaviness and intense weight of gravity is lifted and I feel a new corner to be rounded,a hill to climb and a mountain from which to jump and fly. The quanta in between is more obvious now. Like a far off light sparkling in the black sky(we are unable to see the tree branches moving between us and the light causing a blinking-sparkling effect) all we see is a twinkle...and we smile.
My handsome husband is still working on the worm hole theory. See attached link for "Doug's Big Hole"............Blessings to you who all.
http://www.madarasdesign.com/update.html
This brings me to gravity. We use the word in so many ways:
The gravitational pull; The gravity of the situation; "he had a certain amount of gravitas", etc....It implies heaviness or weight. In fact it is truly light and holds us in space as if we were light as a feather, or so it "seems". Yet we are truly moving with the planet as it spins around on it's axis making us objects in perpetual motion yet totally oblivious to it's effect and reality.
For such a long time I felt heavy as if gravity was holding me tightly to the earth. I could sink deep into her if I closed my eyes and let myself go. Now I have a new feeling of lightness as I did in earlier days. It comes to me at moments least expected. I am a universe unto myself and yet floating in orbit around those whom I love and who have a positive disposition which radiates a lightness I can see and feel. It is a good way to feel. The heaviness and intense weight of gravity is lifted and I feel a new corner to be rounded,a hill to climb and a mountain from which to jump and fly. The quanta in between is more obvious now. Like a far off light sparkling in the black sky(we are unable to see the tree branches moving between us and the light causing a blinking-sparkling effect) all we see is a twinkle...and we smile.
My handsome husband is still working on the worm hole theory. See attached link for "Doug's Big Hole"............Blessings to you who all.
http://www.madarasdesign.com/update.html
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Snow in Asheville....
It is a snow day as they say down here. all schools closed and stores shut down for the day. It only snowed one inch but the mountains are known for black ice and little equipment for which to deal with snow-ice. It is like a day off.
All is good here. We are working slowly on the hotel project getting blue prints finalized for engineers and sprinklers dudes. The city gave a green light to move ahead with the permit process which means demo and basic work has started. This is considered a remodeling job as opposed to a renovation or restoration. This allows us to be grandfathered in which is a big hassle saver. Hopefully everything will pass and costs will be within budget. Everything is so expensive here due to shipping-trucking things over the mountains.
Doug's "Big Hole Project" got a shot on the news and an article in the paper so the clients are happy. They drilled a 56 inch diameter and 15 inch thick hole into the side of a brick building for a circle window. That was the biggest Bit I have ever seen.
I signed up for a yoga class for "special needs" and it is right down the street. I can also go to a free yoga day a few times a month which is fun. I started my practice back at the Zen center which means every Tuesday am 7-8 we meet for group mediation then every Sunday. I really missed this part of my practice as it keeps me connected to other spiritual people who want to grow and be good humanitarians while still having a private spiritual relationship and practice. We do weekend silent retreats too which is wonderful. They are also involved in hospice where I once volunteered.
Everywhere I go I hear someone say "hi Angela, when did you move back ?". I explain we are here part time and explain the past two year's events in bullets. but it's great to see friendly faces of the past and I always feel very loved here as I do everywhere I go. It is strange to have friends who you have not seen in two years and when you meet up it's as if time never went by. That is a good sign.
That is it for now. Tomorrow eve I am going out with the girls at 5:00 for a public jazz event then dinner. Saturday to a friends party. I have to get my social skills working again. No slippers? darn.
All is good here. We are working slowly on the hotel project getting blue prints finalized for engineers and sprinklers dudes. The city gave a green light to move ahead with the permit process which means demo and basic work has started. This is considered a remodeling job as opposed to a renovation or restoration. This allows us to be grandfathered in which is a big hassle saver. Hopefully everything will pass and costs will be within budget. Everything is so expensive here due to shipping-trucking things over the mountains.
Doug's "Big Hole Project" got a shot on the news and an article in the paper so the clients are happy. They drilled a 56 inch diameter and 15 inch thick hole into the side of a brick building for a circle window. That was the biggest Bit I have ever seen.
I signed up for a yoga class for "special needs" and it is right down the street. I can also go to a free yoga day a few times a month which is fun. I started my practice back at the Zen center which means every Tuesday am 7-8 we meet for group mediation then every Sunday. I really missed this part of my practice as it keeps me connected to other spiritual people who want to grow and be good humanitarians while still having a private spiritual relationship and practice. We do weekend silent retreats too which is wonderful. They are also involved in hospice where I once volunteered.
Everywhere I go I hear someone say "hi Angela, when did you move back ?". I explain we are here part time and explain the past two year's events in bullets. but it's great to see friendly faces of the past and I always feel very loved here as I do everywhere I go. It is strange to have friends who you have not seen in two years and when you meet up it's as if time never went by. That is a good sign.
That is it for now. Tomorrow eve I am going out with the girls at 5:00 for a public jazz event then dinner. Saturday to a friends party. I have to get my social skills working again. No slippers? darn.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
The thing about surviving.....
I sit here now, after lounging all day in bed with movies and a book, wondering what it is like to survive. Last year I did not see my future. This year others have died. Over the years I have mourned many who did not survive. I feel there is a bitter sweetness about surviving. I look at it from both ends. One end looks like hope or skating away from the hands of death like a child playing tag. Then the other end looks very contorted and filled with questions that have no answers and confusing codes like the periodic table, confusing to the non scientific mind.
I wonder why some leave earlier than others or why some live to be over 100 years old despite their horrible diets or packs of cigarettes smoked. I wonder why youth can be given and taken so quickly. I feel sad for those who walk the planet dead but still taking in air as if they had no idea of what they we are wasting or any thought of leaving more for those who do actually treasure every moment.
I look at this day, my birthday, as a day of reflection for all the goodness there is and for all the equally weirdness that prevails. Then I sit back and breathe in air with the great love and zest of what the O2 brings and I look around and feel both blessed and cursed at once. Part of me feels lucky and blessed to be alive and the other part feels guilty for some odd reason that other's whose lives once burned bright dimmed so quickly. That is the irony of life. On this day of my birth the irony hits home even more so than ever. The O2 smells that much sweeter.
Douglas made videos for my Christmas gift and for my birthday. He also made one for Dad's birthday. We watched these yesterday and today feeling it all flow through me, the years I have been breathing and all the faces who breathe no more. I am in awe of that awareness and of the life I have been re-given so many times.
I am blessed and blissed. The symmetry and irony meld into one life touched and molded by so many. I give thanks for that. I give thanks for my loved ones, especially my sweet mate Douglas.( I will forgive him for some of the photos he sent our family of me in times least attractive) then I look at him in wonder because I am so lucky. There is no irony in love like that and in the gift of love and life. That is pure magic.
So for this new year the gift I give to you all is the gift of love and life........Pure and simple.
I wonder why some leave earlier than others or why some live to be over 100 years old despite their horrible diets or packs of cigarettes smoked. I wonder why youth can be given and taken so quickly. I feel sad for those who walk the planet dead but still taking in air as if they had no idea of what they we are wasting or any thought of leaving more for those who do actually treasure every moment.
I look at this day, my birthday, as a day of reflection for all the goodness there is and for all the equally weirdness that prevails. Then I sit back and breathe in air with the great love and zest of what the O2 brings and I look around and feel both blessed and cursed at once. Part of me feels lucky and blessed to be alive and the other part feels guilty for some odd reason that other's whose lives once burned bright dimmed so quickly. That is the irony of life. On this day of my birth the irony hits home even more so than ever. The O2 smells that much sweeter.
Douglas made videos for my Christmas gift and for my birthday. He also made one for Dad's birthday. We watched these yesterday and today feeling it all flow through me, the years I have been breathing and all the faces who breathe no more. I am in awe of that awareness and of the life I have been re-given so many times.
I am blessed and blissed. The symmetry and irony meld into one life touched and molded by so many. I give thanks for that. I give thanks for my loved ones, especially my sweet mate Douglas.( I will forgive him for some of the photos he sent our family of me in times least attractive) then I look at him in wonder because I am so lucky. There is no irony in love like that and in the gift of love and life. That is pure magic.
So for this new year the gift I give to you all is the gift of love and life........Pure and simple.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Dad turned 60
Wow has time flown by. Where did it go? My dad just turned 60, Doug turns 48 in January and I turn 41 this month. How does that happen. My sense of time is different from that of most people. I tend to live in the moment and try to not plan too much. One thing I am planning is a three month move to Asheville with Douglas to work on a project. He has been going back and forth for a while and will continue. Makes sense for me to be down there for the winter. I am really excited about the project and about spending time with much missed friends and family. I also realize there is fear in steeping out of my comfort zone.
This past year and half has been hellish on this old body of mine, yet it has provided me time to rest, revive, heal, contemplate and grow as a human. I have had much alone time to look deep into this ole soul and I sometimes did not like what I saw. I also at times sat in wonder of "ME". I know the power of healing on a deeper level than ever before and now I am ready to get back out there in the world and see what I am made of now. The body may be destroyed to an extent and still managing a very scary disease, but there is a self empowerment I have gained. I feel I can live a full life. What do I have to lose? The same things we all do. I realized we are all on this boat together full of vulnerability and warts and all that stuff.
All in all I wanted to say I am peeking my head out of the shell and testing the waters beyond my back yard. If you want to reach me you can email me and I will be glad to pass on cell phone or other numbers for contact. I will check email every day a few times while down there. I will have to fly home for medical stuff a few times, damn I can not escape totally, but that is the plan in this moment. For tomorrow it could chnage.
Happy holiday season and for all of you who celebrate whatever holiday you celebrate during this time till January 1st may it be well spent and full of love and blessings. Make every day count !!! Tell everyone you love how you feel and walk away from those situations which no longer serve your highest good. Reach ot a hand to help another and always be kind. Every season is a season for kindness.
I also wanted to say to my friends who just lost their dear brother and friend Sam.......I love you and you were lucky to have had this time with him to tell him how greatly he was loved. What a wonderful way to go. I am sad for your loss.
This past year and half has been hellish on this old body of mine, yet it has provided me time to rest, revive, heal, contemplate and grow as a human. I have had much alone time to look deep into this ole soul and I sometimes did not like what I saw. I also at times sat in wonder of "ME". I know the power of healing on a deeper level than ever before and now I am ready to get back out there in the world and see what I am made of now. The body may be destroyed to an extent and still managing a very scary disease, but there is a self empowerment I have gained. I feel I can live a full life. What do I have to lose? The same things we all do. I realized we are all on this boat together full of vulnerability and warts and all that stuff.
All in all I wanted to say I am peeking my head out of the shell and testing the waters beyond my back yard. If you want to reach me you can email me and I will be glad to pass on cell phone or other numbers for contact. I will check email every day a few times while down there. I will have to fly home for medical stuff a few times, damn I can not escape totally, but that is the plan in this moment. For tomorrow it could chnage.
Happy holiday season and for all of you who celebrate whatever holiday you celebrate during this time till January 1st may it be well spent and full of love and blessings. Make every day count !!! Tell everyone you love how you feel and walk away from those situations which no longer serve your highest good. Reach ot a hand to help another and always be kind. Every season is a season for kindness.
I also wanted to say to my friends who just lost their dear brother and friend Sam.......I love you and you were lucky to have had this time with him to tell him how greatly he was loved. What a wonderful way to go. I am sad for your loss.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
http://www2.med.umich.edu/prmc/media/pr_search.cfm?search=custom&keyword=Rheumatology
Check out this link for all the research University of Michigan supports for lupus and similar conditions.......Many of which I am involved.
Friday, November 9, 2007
general update
All is well on the home front. Douglas is in NC and he is well too. It has been starting to feel more like November with a few snowflakes and the leaves are still on our big maples. Health is good minus a cold and infection which is related to meds. which keep the white cell count down and now lowering red cell but physical therapy 3 months and 9 days post surgery is going great !!! I have full use and range of motion and doing poses in yoga I never imagined. Not bad for someone who might have been wheelchair bound. Will try my best to hold off on any further treatments other than what I am currently doing.....Thank you all for your words of encouragement and cards etc through out this past year and half. I believe the hard part is over.
Garden still pumping out greens and parsley. I also have ginger roots growing in basement. I am eating peppers, squash, potatoes and tomatoes from the garden.
Douglas and I will probably be both be going to NC through the winter on 3 weeks trips for work. I am getting back in the Madaras Design groove on a new project. It feels good to have a purpose and focus.
Much Love,
Angela
Garden still pumping out greens and parsley. I also have ginger roots growing in basement. I am eating peppers, squash, potatoes and tomatoes from the garden.
Douglas and I will probably be both be going to NC through the winter on 3 weeks trips for work. I am getting back in the Madaras Design groove on a new project. It feels good to have a purpose and focus.
Much Love,
Angela
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
butterfly fetish and update
Everyone loves pretty butterflies, that is unless one has a rare disorder called Entomephobia.
with that being said the butterfly has been the icon and mascot for lupus for many years. I myself have photos and paintings of butterflies all over the house in some form or fashion. A recent addition to my collection is a new set of note cards which are used to raise funds for The Friends of Amster Lupus Fund, raising money for research at U of Michigan for Lupus !!! Buy ten cards for $10.00 and get a tax deductible donation for note cards which can be used for any occasion and also given as gifts.
Lupus Note Cards are in!!! If you ever have
to send Thank-You's, or just a note to someone....I have the cards for you.
And, You can feel great about sending them because they not only are for
Lupus awareness...but, also ALL proceeds will be donated to the Amster Lupus
Research Fund at U of M, in Ann Arbor, Michigan. They use monies donated to
fund research so that we can find a cure for Lupus. It is a great cause. I
will attach a sample picture of just one of the eight different fold over
cards. The cards are a glossy picture of eight different real photo
butterflies. Each card has its own envelope. Each card when folded over
measures 5.5" X 4". The set is a great gift idea too! Each set sells for $10
and as I said before ... all proceeds will go for Lupus Research! To order email address below.
mailto: www.thebullittgirl@wowway.com
All is well in Ang-Doog world. He has been home for almost three weeks and I am spoiled. We have been working on too many projects to mention. Our garden seemed to last so long we concerned of steroid use? Is it legal for plants to use steroids to pump up? I am cooking Ancho Peppers we picked yesterday. We ate sweet tomatoes with our lox and capers for breakfast(yes we live in Detroit area) It's a Yankee breakfast. So sweet and tasty. Our ginger is even still growing in the great north. Global warming has been good to us here in car-land. We have longer summers and more tame winters which means longer growing season !!! and lots of duck meat and fresh salmon. We have eaten my cousins freshly caught salmon and Dad's duck this weekend. Next weekend it might be woodchuck, one never knows. The liver and gizzards are good. "When in Rome". I am also learning more about computers and blogs and site creation. I feel at times like throwing the hunk of plastic and chips out the window sometimes but this is one of the benefits...COMMUNICATION. Being that we rarely talk on the phone or write one another.the computer is a great way to talk, chat, write and read. I have been dragged into this century kicking and screaming but I finally feel I get it. and I only lost a few handfuls of what hair I have left.
Medical is good. I am recovered from surgery and tales around town say I have the best shoulder in replacement history or her-story. I can do mroe than before. I had a major breakthrough in yoga class Friday. I was rockin as they say. I feel strong and getting back in groove. I still have some weird blood tests action mixed with all the symptoms of long term lupus and steroids but I feel I stepped over the threshold to a new and brighter future, which seemed so gloomy just one years past. I feel sexy and hot and almost healthy. I even gave an interview for a national publication and could speak well and remember things I feared I had lost for good. So all is good in my life.
Holidays are coming up and we have not been able to make firm plans.so I guess all is open. I miss having 30 people for Thanksgiving in Asheville. Those were fun days. Anyone(you know who you are) from that group of family-friends is welcome to come share some foul and wine. Yeew.sounds horrid, but trust me a 20 lb. turkey and the fixings is great !!!! tofurky included. Come one come all........RSVP please.
Please let me know how you are???
Love
A
with that being said the butterfly has been the icon and mascot for lupus for many years. I myself have photos and paintings of butterflies all over the house in some form or fashion. A recent addition to my collection is a new set of note cards which are used to raise funds for The Friends of Amster Lupus Fund, raising money for research at U of Michigan for Lupus !!! Buy ten cards for $10.00 and get a tax deductible donation for note cards which can be used for any occasion and also given as gifts.
Lupus Note Cards are in!!! If you ever have
to send Thank-You's, or just a note to someone....I have the cards for you.
And, You can feel great about sending them because they not only are for
Lupus awareness...but, also ALL proceeds will be donated to the Amster Lupus
Research Fund at U of M, in Ann Arbor, Michigan. They use monies donated to
fund research so that we can find a cure for Lupus. It is a great cause. I
will attach a sample picture of just one of the eight different fold over
cards. The cards are a glossy picture of eight different real photo
butterflies. Each card has its own envelope. Each card when folded over
measures 5.5" X 4". The set is a great gift idea too! Each set sells for $10
and as I said before ... all proceeds will go for Lupus Research! To order email address below.
mailto: www.thebullittgirl@wowway.com
All is well in Ang-Doog world. He has been home for almost three weeks and I am spoiled. We have been working on too many projects to mention. Our garden seemed to last so long we concerned of steroid use? Is it legal for plants to use steroids to pump up? I am cooking Ancho Peppers we picked yesterday. We ate sweet tomatoes with our lox and capers for breakfast(yes we live in Detroit area) It's a Yankee breakfast. So sweet and tasty. Our ginger is even still growing in the great north. Global warming has been good to us here in car-land. We have longer summers and more tame winters which means longer growing season !!! and lots of duck meat and fresh salmon. We have eaten my cousins freshly caught salmon and Dad's duck this weekend. Next weekend it might be woodchuck, one never knows. The liver and gizzards are good. "When in Rome". I am also learning more about computers and blogs and site creation. I feel at times like throwing the hunk of plastic and chips out the window sometimes but this is one of the benefits...COMMUNICATION. Being that we rarely talk on the phone or write one another.the computer is a great way to talk, chat, write and read. I have been dragged into this century kicking and screaming but I finally feel I get it. and I only lost a few handfuls of what hair I have left.
Medical is good. I am recovered from surgery and tales around town say I have the best shoulder in replacement history or her-story. I can do mroe than before. I had a major breakthrough in yoga class Friday. I was rockin as they say. I feel strong and getting back in groove. I still have some weird blood tests action mixed with all the symptoms of long term lupus and steroids but I feel I stepped over the threshold to a new and brighter future, which seemed so gloomy just one years past. I feel sexy and hot and almost healthy. I even gave an interview for a national publication and could speak well and remember things I feared I had lost for good. So all is good in my life.
Holidays are coming up and we have not been able to make firm plans.so I guess all is open. I miss having 30 people for Thanksgiving in Asheville. Those were fun days. Anyone(you know who you are) from that group of family-friends is welcome to come share some foul and wine. Yeew.sounds horrid, but trust me a 20 lb. turkey and the fixings is great !!!! tofurky included. Come one come all........RSVP please.
Please let me know how you are???
Love
A
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