challenges and courage to face them

It was brought to my attention by a dear friend that at times it is challenging for her to know how to be a friend to me due to my own challenges with lupus-bones. I totally understand this. I have had friends and family with whom my own lack of understanding or perhaps issues kept me from deepening my relationship or even sustaining it. I have let some drop to the way side because I found their weight too heavy for me to help carry. I know one thing for sure I do not want anyone to be my friend or supporting family member unless they completely want and can do. I know the difficulties of not knowing what to say after a friend has had her breast removed or another a pace maker placed near age 50. I also know how hard it is for me to see my grandparents aging and struggling with the denial which goes along with the end stages of life. My Popa Gross is close to the end but he and my grandma can not let go. So they keep us at a distance and we gratefully accept it because we are helpless to do anything.

I think this is based on fear. Our own fear keeps us from facing illness and death because we all know we will end up there one day. Death is inevitable and so are physical challenges and aging. To avoid this is to walk in denial and dig a whole in the sand. I do it and you do it. We all do. When I volunteered for hospice my first "client" was an 8 year old girl who's mom just died. I was 8 when my mom died. I could not stay with it for too long. It was too close to home and at age 23 I was ill equipped to handle it fully. I ran until later I went back and faced this fear head on. I now know death to be something we should not fear. Pain and suffering is a different story. I am speaking of immortality. This is what we each desire to avoid.

In my own life I can honestly say this is no longer an issue. I have been with people while they go through the dying way too many times and have been present after they have died. I have spent most of my life around sick people, myself included as I faced my own death several times, yet I see myself as a vibrant being. I do not see myself as sick. Once perhaps, but not now. I am a warrior like every other person who survives with an illness or disability. We are the ones who can leap tall buildings and jump mountains.

I encourage you to reach out to an elderly person, sick person, a child who is surviving cancer or someone who finds themselves homeless. There will be more like this in your future and if you face it now you will be that much more prepared for this future. Carpe' Diem.............................Be like the duck who let's the water drip off it's back and continues to move forward. Grace is a gift and also can be something one works hard for. Pray,meditate,be silent and it will come if you really want it in your heart and soul. The spirit can handle anything.