I feel slightly back to normal for the first time in weeks. I woke up refreshed and had some energy. I am starting to see the corner of which I am about to turn. My dad, step mom and god father visited yesterday and made me laugh. All good in the hood. It is great to see relief on Doug's face so he can focus deeper on his creative endeavors. He has been working so hard and is truly a trooper. At least he is sleeping now. No hospital staffers popping in all hours day and night with lights on full blast and speaking loud as if we are deaf. What is that all about?
So for those of you faint of heart or who have a hard time hearing about medical issues or pain please do not read this entry. I am writing this bog for many reasons: To keep loved ones informed, to help spread the word about the importance of finding a cure, raising awareness and writing a book. I would be untrue to not fully explain what is going on in an honest way. Polly Anna is great for those who need protecting but the truth is what heals. I need to express what I have been through and continue to experience for the record and to help go through the healing process on every level. So hold your hat it is going to be a bumpy read. don't forget this is an online journal.
First off the surgery was easy and went quite well. My left hip received it's third metal acetabulum (ball and socket). The post is still doing well and in tact. The surgery was four hours of painstaking dissection and removal of little metal shards and a large prosthetic with screws and all. Scar tissue was also removed and some calcium deposits filed down. I do not have a butt now, that's one OK thing. They had to change the position and give me an extra 3/8 of an inch to even out leg length which has already stopped lower back pain and sciatica pain. I was awake with a local anesthesia and epidural. The surgeon, who is very wise and brilliant had to tell me to stop asking so many questions so he could focus on the surgery. I read the report and it was very long and detailed. Quite the carpenter !!!! I wear a full leg-waist brace to hold everything together for another month. PT is very simple for now for fear of dislocation and damage to other bones. As soon as I can swim I am in the pool-lake for a spring-summer training session. The pain is very tolerable as long as I use the walker like a good girl. So that part is all good news.
The Bacterium they found inside the hip called Propionibacterium acnes which is a skin infection that could have been in there for a long time or could be a contaminate??? We still have to hit it with the heavy antibiotics as Doug explained in order to avoid further spreading into blood stream, joints and heart. I did not tolerate the first three antibiotics they tried so we will try a fourth one this week called Daptomycin which is a once a day IV through my permanent PICC(port). "Dapto" is a derivative of soil. The side effects I experienced from the previous antibios started with chills, fever spikes as high as 104, lupus flare, slight delirium, heart irregularity, dehydration, muscle weakness-pain, extreme bone pain, heart murmur, circulation issues, freezing feet and hands, lack of appetite, acid indigestion, red hot face, pruritic hives-rash, sweats, irregular vitals, lack of urination, burning upon urination, diarrhea, nausea, constipation, throbbing headache, ringing and pounding in ear, brain numbness, lethargy, malaise, muscle cramping and plain old exhaustion. I am writing about this because it could save someone's life who is experiencing some of these symptoms on antibiotics and not know enough to get help. I also want people to understand why Douglas is beside himself and stressed because watching someone you love go through these things is down right helpless torture. He was with his dad in the last days of his life with terminal cancer and he has supported me for 17 years but it never gets easy. I watched my mom and grandma go through it as well. I also was with my best friend, Lainey, while she lost her battle many years ago and still shed tears for that sweet and lovely young woman, friend,daughter, wife and mother. If I can put a human face to this disease and all it's ramifications then I have succeeded. I will be giving a testimonial in May for University of Michigan Lupus Program so we can encourage people and organizations to donate for research. If you are interested in this let me know. Go to www.lupusadvocacy.org and see the links page for further details. This is the least I can do.
On a positive note I feel upbeat today and have faith all is well and as it should be. Life has a way of working out perfectly if we allow it to flow. Let the miracles in the unexpected shine through in all you do. I am grateful for the opportunity to share this in a deep and meaningful way.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
It's me angela...not waldo
Hi,
I know I have been elusive and Doogie has done and excellent job writing and keeping people up to date. He uses this as therapy I think. What a great writer and man. He has been very busy catching up with work, projects and preparing to go south. His plate is beyond full so I thought I would take over writing now that I am somewhat coherent so he can focus. I appreciate all your kind thoughts and love !!! Back at you all.
Home is a good place to be. I do not do much and feel like sleeping mostly but I am starting to mend. Hip is good from surgery and pain is low, but the rest of me has not caught up yet. Next week we will see what the body decides as Dr.'s want to attempt a new antibiotic. All my strength is needed for this next round. I don't feel like I can handle another bad reaction so I will be judicious. In the meantime the home nurses and PT are taking good care of me in the comforts of sweet home.
The sun is shining here and Nikko(my little furry sister) is laying by my side. One of us has gas. I am not talking........I think it is her. We are both watching the birds and food channel while Dad and Doug deal with a plumbing problem(clog) in the shower. Good thing because I am going on three days and four is my limit to go with out bathing. Amazing how standards can be lowered.
Kitty, Steven and Dadio your food has been great !! I am happy and full. How lucky, especially because every time Doug takes a work break he makes me eat. Is that a hint? Trying to make up for hospital grub. So we are blessed.
I hope this finds you all happy and at peace during this challenging time on the planet with the economy and all the bad news. It helps to remember what is most important..........our family, friends and community. We can lean on each other and offer support and encouragement to those who face difficult times. We are all resilient beings and capable of making it through this "recession". Keep the faith !!!!
Love and Gratitude,
Angela
I know I have been elusive and Doogie has done and excellent job writing and keeping people up to date. He uses this as therapy I think. What a great writer and man. He has been very busy catching up with work, projects and preparing to go south. His plate is beyond full so I thought I would take over writing now that I am somewhat coherent so he can focus. I appreciate all your kind thoughts and love !!! Back at you all.
Home is a good place to be. I do not do much and feel like sleeping mostly but I am starting to mend. Hip is good from surgery and pain is low, but the rest of me has not caught up yet. Next week we will see what the body decides as Dr.'s want to attempt a new antibiotic. All my strength is needed for this next round. I don't feel like I can handle another bad reaction so I will be judicious. In the meantime the home nurses and PT are taking good care of me in the comforts of sweet home.
The sun is shining here and Nikko(my little furry sister) is laying by my side. One of us has gas. I am not talking........I think it is her. We are both watching the birds and food channel while Dad and Doug deal with a plumbing problem(clog) in the shower. Good thing because I am going on three days and four is my limit to go with out bathing. Amazing how standards can be lowered.
Kitty, Steven and Dadio your food has been great !! I am happy and full. How lucky, especially because every time Doug takes a work break he makes me eat. Is that a hint? Trying to make up for hospital grub. So we are blessed.
I hope this finds you all happy and at peace during this challenging time on the planet with the economy and all the bad news. It helps to remember what is most important..........our family, friends and community. We can lean on each other and offer support and encouragement to those who face difficult times. We are all resilient beings and capable of making it through this "recession". Keep the faith !!!!
Love and Gratitude,
Angela
Thursday, February 26, 2009
How do you spell 'relief'...?
"A, H, H, H, H".....
We have a dear friend with plenty of medical experience who will be staying with Angela while I'm south. Along with other friends and family we'll have Angela's needs met and I will be able to focus. We have Skype so I will be able to keep my eye on my Angel while knowing she's in good hands.
I love it when things work the way they do... Faith, it's a marvelous thing. Sometimes I just need to get out of my way...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
'Conundrum' after-thought...
Although there is plenty of circumstance to consider in our lives, compared to what other people deal with on a daily bases, just within the hospital...we are nothing less than fortunate.
Putting my fear, judgment and anger aside, I can see the beauty in our journey - the Love, Compassion, Hope...how lucky we are.
Grasping the fortune within our circumstance has its payoff...day by day.
...isn't that what life is about?
Although there is plenty of circumstance to consider in our lives, compared to what other people deal with on a daily bases, just within the hospital...we are nothing less than fortunate.
Putting my fear, judgment and anger aside, I can see the beauty in our journey - the Love, Compassion, Hope...how lucky we are.
Grasping the fortune within our circumstance has its payoff...day by day.
...isn't that what life is about?
Conundrum:
We're thankful for being able to give Angela a week respite at home away from all the drugs and hospital environment. Reality is, this is only the first quarter of the game...we haven't gotten to 1/2 time yet. The White Coats and the Wolves are at odds with one another in the historic game of life.
Conundrum...
Primary Issue:
Infection, 50% chance the bacterium still remains in her new hip joint, no sign of it now but may still exist. 50% chance it does not. It's a little bug with a serious bite should it latch on to other areas via blood stream.
Concern:
a: could spread to her other hardware which are already compromised and needs replaced.
b: could settle in heart - already compromised with elevated murmur.
Both are high risks - Angela could have serious repercussions if the bacteria is still in her body...no way of knowing for sure. 50%?
Solution: Treat with Antibiotics (anti = against, biotics=a mode of living)
Issue Two:
Angela's body built up anti-bodies to the antibiotics.
Two opposing forces at war, her body the battle ground. It's as if a heated (fever) battle were being fought in an environmentally sensitive area. That area being one which control all the sensitive balances of nature. If any one region is effected, all the others could be effected as well.
Utmost importance: protect, serve and heal her body - her fragile body is doing its best to recover from the stress already incurred.
Possible Solution : Administer new types (2 options) of antibiotics - both are experimental. Daptomycin is next choice, second is unknown to me. The first is naturally found in the soil...perhaps Angela's joy of gardening has a deeper meaning.
Concern:
a: Experimental drugs could be the solution - as Cellcept has been in saving her kidneys in past battles...yea team.
b: Suggested options could have issues - her fragile body may not have what it takes to recover and/or her body reacts to the treatment in a more serious manner than what we recently witnessed.
Issue three:
Will need to start treatment next week. It's a 4-6 week program. Hospital environment not good, she needs to be home. With hip replacement, now the infection, Angela requires constant monitoring and nurturing. In-home nursing can do only so much. They can watch her vitals as the treatment is started. Angel's reaction time could be weeks away - in either direction; a positive reaction or a negative...time will tell.
Concern:
a: Experimental therapy runs amuck.
b: I am unable to provide for her care during this most sensitive time. I have to work out of town to provide for the space and means for her to heal.
c: If we refuse Infectious Disease's choice of course of action (experimental antibiotics) Angela's insurance can drop her...
Conundrum:
a: Do I watch from a distance while others go through the learning curves of how and when to do what while Angela contends to new treatments?
b: Do I give up on making a living out of town and focus solely on creating income from home at risk of loosing our home?
Metaphorical thought:
Is the opposing team actually the 'Wolve (Lupus)-rines' at the U of M and our team actually being the 'hOMe' team?
Possibilities to quire:
U of M Infectious Disease sponsor and support an experimental therapy program using 'Natural antibiotics' [UM study, UC study] found to combat/kill bacteria - what about garlic, sulfur rather than chemicals? Maybe Daptomycin is the golden bullet. It's a shot in the dark.
Solution: Pull the word 'conundrum' out of the dictionary and win the lottery.
Conundrum...
Conundrum...
Primary Issue:
Infection, 50% chance the bacterium still remains in her new hip joint, no sign of it now but may still exist. 50% chance it does not. It's a little bug with a serious bite should it latch on to other areas via blood stream.
Concern:
a: could spread to her other hardware which are already compromised and needs replaced.
b: could settle in heart - already compromised with elevated murmur.
Both are high risks - Angela could have serious repercussions if the bacteria is still in her body...no way of knowing for sure. 50%?
Solution: Treat with Antibiotics (anti = against, biotics=a mode of living)
Issue Two:
Angela's body built up anti-bodies to the antibiotics.
Two opposing forces at war, her body the battle ground. It's as if a heated (fever) battle were being fought in an environmentally sensitive area. That area being one which control all the sensitive balances of nature. If any one region is effected, all the others could be effected as well.
Utmost importance: protect, serve and heal her body - her fragile body is doing its best to recover from the stress already incurred.
Possible Solution : Administer new types (2 options) of antibiotics - both are experimental. Daptomycin is next choice, second is unknown to me. The first is naturally found in the soil...perhaps Angela's joy of gardening has a deeper meaning.
Concern:
a: Experimental drugs could be the solution - as Cellcept has been in saving her kidneys in past battles...yea team.
b: Suggested options could have issues - her fragile body may not have what it takes to recover and/or her body reacts to the treatment in a more serious manner than what we recently witnessed.
Issue three:
Will need to start treatment next week. It's a 4-6 week program. Hospital environment not good, she needs to be home. With hip replacement, now the infection, Angela requires constant monitoring and nurturing. In-home nursing can do only so much. They can watch her vitals as the treatment is started. Angel's reaction time could be weeks away - in either direction; a positive reaction or a negative...time will tell.
Concern:
a: Experimental therapy runs amuck.
b: I am unable to provide for her care during this most sensitive time. I have to work out of town to provide for the space and means for her to heal.
c: If we refuse Infectious Disease's choice of course of action (experimental antibiotics) Angela's insurance can drop her...
Conundrum:
a: Do I watch from a distance while others go through the learning curves of how and when to do what while Angela contends to new treatments?
b: Do I give up on making a living out of town and focus solely on creating income from home at risk of loosing our home?
Metaphorical thought:
Is the opposing team actually the 'Wolve (Lupus)-rines' at the U of M and our team actually being the 'hOMe' team?
Possibilities to quire:
U of M Infectious Disease sponsor and support an experimental therapy program using 'Natural antibiotics' [UM study, UC study] found to combat/kill bacteria - what about garlic, sulfur rather than chemicals? Maybe Daptomycin is the golden bullet. It's a shot in the dark.
Solution: Pull the word 'conundrum' out of the dictionary and win the lottery.
Conundrum...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Jail Break!
"Freedom!!!!"My Angel is hOMeward bound!
They're giving Angela a much needed break from all the tender
lovin' care...antibiotics and all. Will monitor from our sanctuary via home nursing visits and follow up test first of the week via her new and improved picc line...(wine not included). All is well in most everyone's eyes, Infectious Disease Dept is reasonably cautious. Will try new, fun and exciting drugs at later date.
In all seriousness, the staff - nursing, house cleaning, to food service to Doctors in diapers and of course our loyal Dr.McCune have all been wonderful, we are grateful beyond words for their care and attention.
Will follow up from the OM front... "What a difference a day makes..."
I'm Drawing Blood...
Next happy go lucky lab tech who flips on the over-head lights at 5:45 a.m. and asks an over-enthusiastic, "How yer doin?" is going to get a syringe in her forehead.
What do you mean, “How yer doin?" Look at the records for gawd sake! - We've been on a 6 day drunk for the past 12 hours, been partying all night wonderin' when someone would come in and flip on the light switch after finally being able to close our eyes for a few mili-seconds.
Now d00gie's flipping a switch because some brain surgeon decides to have a fire alarm drill on the floor above us at 6:42, right when I was about to catch a brief shut eye before the entourage of white coats and clipboards make their rounds with their eager..."How yer doin's"?
Oh wait! Now we just had a new doctor come in asking the award winning question, "With having Lupus, what are your symptoms?" Brilliant!!! Let's have another party while we discuss the volumes of records accumulated in Angela's library of symptoms and her enormous amount of patience with you doctors who are still walking around in diapers!
Good thing is - Angela was able to feed the vampire without a prick, she was able to get up and pee by herself with her feet on the ground and her temperature is well below my current boiling point.
There, got it out of my system. Think I'll close my eyes and envision a most positive way to booby trap the door and light switch for the next beaming "how yer doin?" type individual who dares to enter.
No, second thought...better not...it might be the guy with coffee...where's the IV team when you need them?
(Angela looks good, temp is norm, rash has faded and about ready to eat...wait, is that a Paczki? A 1200 calorie raspberry filled donut and an empty bowl of...yuck...never mind. Angela's doing great! ...everything else seems to be a freakin comedy this morning)
Relief
My sweet sleepy Angel was just carted off to xray to insure her new double barreled picc line was placed correctly. Her fevers have finally subsided and no more poking and prodding for veins - now easy access for anything they need to put in or take out. She had a look of relief as soon as the line was inserted.
She looks like she has a sunburned face from today's excitement but with a day of rest on the early horizon she'll be back to her calm. All is well...no worries...made it through the storm.
We're putting a Do Not Disturb the Disturbed sign on the door upon her return.
She looks like she has a sunburned face from today's excitement but with a day of rest on the early horizon she'll be back to her calm. All is well...no worries...made it through the storm.
We're putting a Do Not Disturb the Disturbed sign on the door upon her return.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Spiking temps, leg/knee pain constant at this point, way-too prominent butterfly rash. Dosed with Oxycodone and Dialauded she's still coherent and manages to say how grateful and positive she is from everyone's concern and support. She's getting ready to get a new pic line so not to have to go through anymore IV's. Spirits are up, care is premium and a new day is around the corner.
Through this hospital stay we've been listening to "Lamentation" by an artist named Tunde
Jegede, over and over...it's been a blessing. I'm sharing this only because the music is calming, more so than the drugs - for Angela, for me and for those who enter our space. Isn't music supposed to sooth the savage beast? Lupus has surely raised it's head with a howl this go around but it continues to retreat with our positive vibrations and Angela and her caretakers kind hearts... the music helps. I recommend it to all...Just a tangent thought while there is a lull...
Can't help but feel we are blessed to have the care we have. The doctor who was on shift when Angela nose-dived called from his home - his night off, checking in to see how she's doing. The sounds people make on this floor at night are discomforting, I walk down the hall with my blinders on only to look forward and out of respect to those who are suffering. Our door is shut to our private room, the music is on with lights dimmed and a trust in the air that all will be well...for us...and knowing there is always something to be grateful for.
Rounding the turn...pic line should be on its way.
Through this hospital stay we've been listening to "Lamentation" by an artist named Tunde
Jegede, over and over...it's been a blessing. I'm sharing this only because the music is calming, more so than the drugs - for Angela, for me and for those who enter our space. Isn't music supposed to sooth the savage beast? Lupus has surely raised it's head with a howl this go around but it continues to retreat with our positive vibrations and Angela and her caretakers kind hearts... the music helps. I recommend it to all...Just a tangent thought while there is a lull...Can't help but feel we are blessed to have the care we have. The doctor who was on shift when Angela nose-dived called from his home - his night off, checking in to see how she's doing. The sounds people make on this floor at night are discomforting, I walk down the hall with my blinders on only to look forward and out of respect to those who are suffering. Our door is shut to our private room, the music is on with lights dimmed and a trust in the air that all will be well...for us...and knowing there is always something to be grateful for.
Rounding the turn...pic line should be on its way.
...not having fun right now
Wish I had better news...she was doing so well...
They tried the antibiotics again...downward spiral. Body rejecting them, overwhelming her pain threshold and nervous system, temp spiking. She refuses anymore antibiotics and drugs other than for pain, had them pull the IV out. No more tests, experiments, blood draws or infusions...for now. Ready to go home...need sane healing environment.
Gut feeling: Infectious Disease dept overly aggressive with antibiotics to fight a bacterial culture that showed up in surgical specimens and not in any of the following blood samples. Waldo is not here. Time for Angela to go home...enough.
Here through the eve...will update...
They tried the antibiotics again...downward spiral. Body rejecting them, overwhelming her pain threshold and nervous system, temp spiking. She refuses anymore antibiotics and drugs other than for pain, had them pull the IV out. No more tests, experiments, blood draws or infusions...for now. Ready to go home...need sane healing environment.
Gut feeling: Infectious Disease dept overly aggressive with antibiotics to fight a bacterial culture that showed up in surgical specimens and not in any of the following blood samples. Waldo is not here. Time for Angela to go home...enough.
Here through the eve...will update...
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Day of Rest
Angela seems to have been sleeping most of the day, hot date last night wore her out.
Good news: The infection is not showing up in any of the numerous cultures taken with the exception of her hip, so the bug is isolated for now. White coats say the fever started due to the infection but it's been determined the fever spikes are due to Angela being allergic to the antibiotics especially the mega doses they infused her with at first to knock out the infection. Her steroid dose will be small, 30mg, out of necessity - no adrenals, plus 'some' steroids will help coax the lupus away rather than carpet bombing the wolfs lair so to speak...ahem...
Angela's body had enough of this roller coaster ride, her arms are dotted with shrinking tapped and scared veins, bruised with punctured vessels from all the blood letting and IV's. Amazingly her hip is healing rapidly and continues to impress even the surgeon with her recovery rate. Now to keep the Lupus at bay.
Looks like my Angel will be able to come home first part of the week so optimism is shining. We'll have to keep her hooked up to the bottle, this one being a pharmaceutical and not chardonnay. The wine still seems a better option.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Date Night
Wow, a holiday from temperature spikes and skin inflammations, IV's, teams of white coats making their clipboard rounds... happy day. The antibiotics seem to be the culprits, well, more so the Lupus reacting to the antibiotics or... Angela just adding another allergen to her long list of med's she is unable to take. She's had a respite for a few hours from pokes, prods, jabs and needles...what veins she has left sigh a loud relief.
Taking advantage of Angela's steroid buzz we went out on a date touring the hospital on a quiet snowy Saturday night. We were on a covert mission...strategically placing "Create Joy Now" stickers throughout the hospital for people to take, or at least contemplate. It was actually pretty funny. Angela makes a terrible undercover operative. She was afraid we'd get busted - for leaving free stickers on tables, poster boards and at public sitting areas.
I thought it would make a great article, "Gimp Couple Arrested for Spreading a Message of Joy in Hospital".
Taking advantage of Angela's steroid buzz we went out on a date touring the hospital on a quiet snowy Saturday night. We were on a covert mission...strategically placing "Create Joy Now" stickers throughout the hospital for people to take, or at least contemplate. It was actually pretty funny. Angela makes a terrible undercover operative. She was afraid we'd get busted - for leaving free stickers on tables, poster boards and at public sitting areas.
I thought it would make a great article, "Gimp Couple Arrested for Spreading a Message of Joy in Hospital".
Saturday Update...
Hip infection is no longer a priority. Lupus has kicked in... reacting to the infection and to all the antibiotics. In attempt to stop the Lupus in it's tracks - they're dosing her with steroids......................................
Will continue with antibiotics somehow, someway..................................
For lack of expressing how I am truly feeling at the moment:
"Scientists claim that they have achieved landmark success with an experimental approach, using a patient's own stem cells, to fight the life-threatening autoimmune disease lupus. [link]"
Advocate Stem Cell Research.
Focus on the Positive
Keep your Angel Light on...
d;(
Will continue with antibiotics somehow, someway..................................
For lack of expressing how I am truly feeling at the moment:
"Scientists claim that they have achieved landmark success with an experimental approach, using a patient's own stem cells, to fight the life-threatening autoimmune disease lupus. [link]"
Advocate Stem Cell Research.
Focus on the Positive
Keep your Angel Light on...
d;(
It's been another roller coaster day. Gist is, Angela has an infection in her hip, pre-existing as far as the white-coats can tell. Opening her up and stirring up the tissues in or around the failed hip socket etc got the bug excited. It's a fairly weak strain of bacterium, similar to 'acne' but in her case it acts like a zit on steroids...hmmm, wonder how that happened. Her body freaks out trying to rid it like a teen with a pimple on prom night.
To make things more interesting...her body doesn't like the antibiotics. Fevers spike, vitals go nuts, rash and welts break out trying to rid her of the stuff that is trying to get rid of the bug. White coats are perplexed but on it. She may be in here for a while until they can control the infection with something her body won't reject - stop the beastie from spreading to her susceptible joints and high tech hardware.
I have the solution...they won't listen to me though, I'm the one who's willing to sleep in the shower. They gave me a lazy boy for the night, I'm here now gazing at my slightly snoring beauty...guess I skerred 'em. Happy to be here though....at least they could hook me up...geez
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Angel Status:
Up in spirits. Makes a heartfelt connection with all whom enter. Gives blood willingly. Same-O Angela. Her fan club is growing rapidly. She's shuffling around with a stronger wiggle, good to see, fun to watch.
Teams of doctors; Rume's (Rhumetologists), Exterminators (Infectious Disease) and now Detectives (researchers) all working together trying to figure out why her temperature spikes and subsides as it does, 98. something to 102 and back down. Vitals go wacky then recover, unstable... They're all looking for Waldo...the mystery bacterium.
Rume's are concerned about the multi mega doses of antibiotics...lupus flare potential.
Exterminators worried about blood line infection and/or contamination from a wide variety of possible sources... not wanting to dig around for it. Now the detectives are looking at every aspect of her most recent care. I think all the questioning is valid but what a brain drain on Angela while she's working on getting her health together. She should wear a "HI, I am Angela" sticker with a list of all the answers to all the redundant questions.
I haven't been as available as I wish. Drives me crazy. I drive her batty. The continuous flow of white coats with clipboards visiting her are amazed to hear of all the new parts Angela has in her. Next implant...USB port for her Ipod, that will empress 'em.
d00g status:
Nut case. Button pusher. Goes for the throat without notice. Freaked out, tweaked out - all under a soft candy coated shell. Feeling blessed to have so many people of all makes and models supporting Angela and I along the journey; doctors, nurses, family, friends, clients, coworkers and all in between. Feeling grateful for all the blessings that make life worth livin'...there's so many in every moment... thanks for teaching me that one my Angel.
Up in spirits. Makes a heartfelt connection with all whom enter. Gives blood willingly. Same-O Angela. Her fan club is growing rapidly. She's shuffling around with a stronger wiggle, good to see, fun to watch.
Teams of doctors; Rume's (Rhumetologists), Exterminators (Infectious Disease) and now Detectives (researchers) all working together trying to figure out why her temperature spikes and subsides as it does, 98. something to 102 and back down. Vitals go wacky then recover, unstable... They're all looking for Waldo...the mystery bacterium.
Rume's are concerned about the multi mega doses of antibiotics...lupus flare potential.
Exterminators worried about blood line infection and/or contamination from a wide variety of possible sources... not wanting to dig around for it. Now the detectives are looking at every aspect of her most recent care. I think all the questioning is valid but what a brain drain on Angela while she's working on getting her health together. She should wear a "HI, I am Angela" sticker with a list of all the answers to all the redundant questions.
I haven't been as available as I wish. Drives me crazy. I drive her batty. The continuous flow of white coats with clipboards visiting her are amazed to hear of all the new parts Angela has in her. Next implant...USB port for her Ipod, that will empress 'em.
d00g status:
Nut case. Button pusher. Goes for the throat without notice. Freaked out, tweaked out - all under a soft candy coated shell. Feeling blessed to have so many people of all makes and models supporting Angela and I along the journey; doctors, nurses, family, friends, clients, coworkers and all in between. Feeling grateful for all the blessings that make life worth livin'...there's so many in every moment... thanks for teaching me that one my Angel.
Back again
Angela is back in the hospital,
Complications arose with a significant fever and other unfamiliar symptoms. They are concerned about infection in her blood supply. Infectious Disease and her Lupus Doc are on it. More info tomorrow... She has her own room, no cot for me, wouldn't let me sleep in the shower.
Angela sent me home...rough day...sigh....driving her nuts.
Complications arose with a significant fever and other unfamiliar symptoms. They are concerned about infection in her blood supply. Infectious Disease and her Lupus Doc are on it. More info tomorrow... She has her own room, no cot for me, wouldn't let me sleep in the shower.
Angela sent me home...rough day...sigh....driving her nuts.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
back in hospital for the weekend or longer??
heading back in tonight. spiked a fever and do not what is going on. will keep you posted as we know anything probably not until monday.. please don't email yet i will not have computer. doug will be with me. love and positive thoughts...................angela
Monday, February 16, 2009
another monday
Time flies when you are having fun. It has been two weeks since surgery and I am now in a routine with the home health aides, IV, labs etc. Tomorrow I meet the surgeon and the Infectious Disease Dr. to see what is next. I am hoping they have the answers. No real news to report. Your cards, calls, visits, food and other gifts have been wonderful. It is great to know you are loved. If you are reading this you are. I wonder what people do who are totally alone and with no help or little medical care? I know what they do...........nothing. That makes me sad and feel like a wimp when I complain, so chin up and all good thoughts.
Oh my nieces and sister made a beautiful prayer-meditation shawl. Wraps me in healing energy. They are so crafty and talented it amazes me. One of these days I will take up knitting again. Don't worry I will not send you all really long horribly uneven scarves for thank you's. I envy those who are good with their hands. Mine just want to dig in the garden !!!
Enjoy the day. Sun is shining here !!!
Oh my nieces and sister made a beautiful prayer-meditation shawl. Wraps me in healing energy. They are so crafty and talented it amazes me. One of these days I will take up knitting again. Don't worry I will not send you all really long horribly uneven scarves for thank you's. I envy those who are good with their hands. Mine just want to dig in the garden !!!
Enjoy the day. Sun is shining here !!!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Reality hits
Today I faced the reality of what my life will be like over the next 6-12 weeks plus. Still positive and grateful for all the blessings in life but being in bed 90%, having to avoid any stress on joints 
and bones which seem to be worse(pain increase), wearing the limiting and not so comfy brace, IV infusions every 12 hours which last for @ 3 hours and all the home health care is a blessing yet I still miss being "normal". My other bones-joints seem to be worse and this hip will take a very long time to heal. I am on even stricter limitations and restrictions now. The infection and advanced AVN is upsetting. I spend 90% down on my "hospital bed chaise", but Doug re-arragned the room so it works much better and is easier access than any other room. I guess we are getting the systems down. If the other bone-joints can hang in there during this healing time I will be much more at ease. If my sanity holds up everyone will be happy. The Dr. limited my weight bearing activities on new hip because it is so fragile now which puts more pressure on knees and new shoulder (ouchy) which is where the IV port is. I feel like a mess. Loss of blood, infection, constipation and sleep deprivation are contributing. I can sleep for 1-2 hours then I have to move about and so I nap all day. Hey it sounds like vacation right? Thank you for letting me vent and I have learned that every day is a new day with new adventures. I will do my best to keep you up to date. I am not so good on the phone now and it seems when people call I am either asleep, in the bath or on IV. Doug's really needing to focus on this project so if he does not answer it means he is working or care taking. Emailing is best.
I send you all my love and gratitude.
and bones which seem to be worse(pain increase), wearing the limiting and not so comfy brace, IV infusions every 12 hours which last for @ 3 hours and all the home health care is a blessing yet I still miss being "normal". My other bones-joints seem to be worse and this hip will take a very long time to heal. I am on even stricter limitations and restrictions now. The infection and advanced AVN is upsetting. I spend 90% down on my "hospital bed chaise", but Doug re-arragned the room so it works much better and is easier access than any other room. I guess we are getting the systems down. If the other bone-joints can hang in there during this healing time I will be much more at ease. If my sanity holds up everyone will be happy. The Dr. limited my weight bearing activities on new hip because it is so fragile now which puts more pressure on knees and new shoulder (ouchy) which is where the IV port is. I feel like a mess. Loss of blood, infection, constipation and sleep deprivation are contributing. I can sleep for 1-2 hours then I have to move about and so I nap all day. Hey it sounds like vacation right? Thank you for letting me vent and I have learned that every day is a new day with new adventures. I will do my best to keep you up to date. I am not so good on the phone now and it seems when people call I am either asleep, in the bath or on IV. Doug's really needing to focus on this project so if he does not answer it means he is working or care taking. Emailing is best.I send you all my love and gratitude.
Monday, February 9, 2009
A little bad news
I just got a call from infectious disease and they said a bacteria has been found on a tissue and metal sample from the old prosthesis. Usually they are able to tell during surgery but the culture grew and it is still not fully cultured yet. I have to go into hospital for a Pick Line to run IV antibiotics everyday or so for 6 weeks. I will be unable to leave the house and will be under stricter care and watch. Immune system challenged enough. I should be home tomorrow afternoon if all goes well, which it will. Bummer but we will get through it. Nurses and PT will have to come for 6 weeks at least. Hold off on visits until I know what the deal is. It is not contagious but they have to follow strict protocol for my protection and others. Common to find this in old prosthetics and replacements.
Other than that and low energy-blood I am doing great.
Larry I got your massage and thank you !!! You get settled in your new home and we will plan a visit for spring. I have a few friends staying after Doug leaves and they plan to stay in intervals and help put along with family here of course. I have plenty of support!!!
Love,
Angela
Other than that and low energy-blood I am doing great.
Larry I got your massage and thank you !!! You get settled in your new home and we will plan a visit for spring. I have a few friends staying after Doug leaves and they plan to stay in intervals and help put along with family here of course. I have plenty of support!!!
Love,
Angela
Three Months :( wearing brace
Oh My !! I just found out I have to wear the brace for three months for sure and need to be even more cautious than first expected. I go to Orthotics tomorrow for them to fine tune the prosthetic. It is not fitting comfortably and bruising. I am grateful for saving the leg-hip but I did not expect this. Oh well, rolling with the punches baby. I will just need a little extra help with shopping, chores, errands etc. I am lucky it is winter and not summer !!
All is well. I am starting to get a bit bored so visits are welcome and I truly want to thank everyone for all your thoughts and such. I love reading your emails and staying connected. Time for a nap now !!!
Love
Angela
All is well. I am starting to get a bit bored so visits are welcome and I truly want to thank everyone for all your thoughts and such. I love reading your emails and staying connected. Time for a nap now !!!
Love
Angela
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Valentines day is Coming
Fun hearts and kisses designs for cards and more. Always fun to surprise your loves with a gift of love!!!!
Thank you
Thank you all for your warm wishes and prayers. It is always great to know how much love flows. I am sending it back at you.
All is good. I feel very tender today and sore. Usual after the first few days to begin feeling the scar tissue and bruising. I have a little more energy than yesterday. Blood seems to be beefing up so to speak. The sponge bath helped. I am wearing new PJ's from dad with green frogs against a blue sateen. Very cozy and fits well with the brace.
I am thinking of all my friends and family who are affected by the economy, health issues, winter blues or other stresses in their lives and I want them to know they are in my heart. I continue to hold the light in my heart for you each and every one. remember to breath and feel calm and breath out with a smile in the knowing all is perfect just as it is. Trust in that one thing no matter how stressful it seems or challenging it may be. I find the greatest peace after overcoming a time of challenge.
Love and Peace
Angela
Oh, Thank you wonderful husband for all your care and sweetness. I adore you and feel so very blessed and give thanks for you every five seconds. Do take care of you too !!! You have a large good karma account.
All is good. I feel very tender today and sore. Usual after the first few days to begin feeling the scar tissue and bruising. I have a little more energy than yesterday. Blood seems to be beefing up so to speak. The sponge bath helped. I am wearing new PJ's from dad with green frogs against a blue sateen. Very cozy and fits well with the brace.
I am thinking of all my friends and family who are affected by the economy, health issues, winter blues or other stresses in their lives and I want them to know they are in my heart. I continue to hold the light in my heart for you each and every one. remember to breath and feel calm and breath out with a smile in the knowing all is perfect just as it is. Trust in that one thing no matter how stressful it seems or challenging it may be. I find the greatest peace after overcoming a time of challenge.
Love and Peace
Angela
Oh, Thank you wonderful husband for all your care and sweetness. I adore you and feel so very blessed and give thanks for you every five seconds. Do take care of you too !!! You have a large good karma account.
Friday, February 6, 2009
baby it's warm inside
Hello from sunny dining room central. I have tunes, laptop, phone, walkie talkie, food, water, birds to watch, reading material, TV and a chaise on which to lounge while gazing into the snowy woods. It is a heat wave at 30 degrees.
Slow and restful day planned for next few days. I am asking visitors to hold off till next week when I am stronger and more myself. I am pooped from low blood and soreness of surgery. I do not know how some parts hurt but they do. Still having a time with sleeping in one place with a big foam between legs. I will be happy when I can turn over or move a bit. Shower day??? Well sponge bath at least. PT said I am doing the best she has seen a hip replacement do. The brace is helping and I am not worried about dislocating. The only problem is I can not do as much PT. That could slow down progress but hey, I have a leg and hip !!!! As soon as I can get in the pool the real work begins. The exercises they have me doing are a snap. That is all to report for now.
My phone is with me. feel free to call after 10 am. If I do not answer i am sleeping. Hugs
Slow and restful day planned for next few days. I am asking visitors to hold off till next week when I am stronger and more myself. I am pooped from low blood and soreness of surgery. I do not know how some parts hurt but they do. Still having a time with sleeping in one place with a big foam between legs. I will be happy when I can turn over or move a bit. Shower day??? Well sponge bath at least. PT said I am doing the best she has seen a hip replacement do. The brace is helping and I am not worried about dislocating. The only problem is I can not do as much PT. That could slow down progress but hey, I have a leg and hip !!!! As soon as I can get in the pool the real work begins. The exercises they have me doing are a snap. That is all to report for now.
My phone is with me. feel free to call after 10 am. If I do not answer i am sleeping. Hugs
Thursday, February 5, 2009
My funny and always amusing husband !!!
I just read the blog posts. How funny. I do not look like Robo-Babe, whomever she may be, but I must say the brace mixed with penguin flannels is a sight. I am well cared for and walking around, doing light PT. Today was full with two nurse visits, other visits and PT. I am pooped and like last night may go to bed at 8 pm if that late. Restless night and trying to get the systems down but all in all it's a good life. Trying to pump up blood and get lots of iron. A fine mix. Doug made a steak on the grill in zero degrees temps. But it was so good !!!! Dad brought Be Bim Bob for lunch which is one of my favorite Vietnamese dishes !!! Got some chocolates and an orchid to my surprise. Felling very opulent. Will keep you posted but still not doing too hot on the phone. Have to carry everything on my walker and it gets lost in the shuffle.
Counting blessings, great to be home !!! Love
A
Counting blessings, great to be home !!! Love
A
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Robobabe get's to come home!!!
Although her blood levels have dropped, they're letting her come home. In-home nursing will monitor, worse case...transfusion. In the mean time...red meat.
She sends her love and will be in contact with her loyal fans once she gets settled...
She sends her love and will be in contact with her loyal fans once she gets settled...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Grace:
Angela makes every person who comes in her room feel good. No matter if they are cleaning, poking, prodding or causing pain, they leave with something more than a blood sample. She's radiant, glowing and in control. Her determination to live a quality of life regardless of circumstance is beyond remarkable.
Doing great...getting out Wed or Thur.
"Amazing"...so the therapists and nurses say. Angela is up, went for a few slow walks (with brace, walker and therapist). It's surprising how well she is recovering after surgery. Granted, the pain block is still working to some degree but for the most part she's been up and about without it. She looks very sexy-robo-copish with the brace, hospital gown and knee socks.
I don't see any bruising at all, unlike past surgeries.
We'll keep on with the up swing....what a trooper!
Monday, February 2, 2009
out of surgery update.2
I just spoke with the doc, Angela is in recovery now. Surgery took a bit longer.
They found 'metal debris' and bone fragments in and around the joint. They were unable to remove it all but felt that what was left would remain encased in the scar tissue. The surgeon said that she will require a brace for a few months to insure her hip will not come out of the new socket. There was some bone they had to remove which makes her hip a bit more unstable, but, she will be able to walk with full weight in 3 months.
He was very concerned about her right hip saying that the hardware there is rapidly failing and that there could be some serious issues if she does not have it replaced soon (next winter - knees first). Something to do with how bone reacts to plastic, the plastic being the padding that goes between the socket and ball, it is failing. The bone, where plastic is touching it, decays. It is possible the joint could separate from the bone with little forewarning.
Good news is that he used the most advanced matrix (joint material) which should not fail as the others have.
He said she was awake most the time, he had to ask her to quit asking so many questions while he was operating, something about him not being a very good multi-tasker.
We'll be here for a few days, 3-4. She'll be able to get around via walker but she'll need help for a few months. I'll be seeing her shortly and will give another update soon.
Love All,
dỠỠg
They found 'metal debris' and bone fragments in and around the joint. They were unable to remove it all but felt that what was left would remain encased in the scar tissue. The surgeon said that she will require a brace for a few months to insure her hip will not come out of the new socket. There was some bone they had to remove which makes her hip a bit more unstable, but, she will be able to walk with full weight in 3 months.
He was very concerned about her right hip saying that the hardware there is rapidly failing and that there could be some serious issues if she does not have it replaced soon (next winter - knees first). Something to do with how bone reacts to plastic, the plastic being the padding that goes between the socket and ball, it is failing. The bone, where plastic is touching it, decays. It is possible the joint could separate from the bone with little forewarning.
Good news is that he used the most advanced matrix (joint material) which should not fail as the others have.
He said she was awake most the time, he had to ask her to quit asking so many questions while he was operating, something about him not being a very good multi-tasker.
We'll be here for a few days, 3-4. She'll be able to get around via walker but she'll need help for a few months. I'll be seeing her shortly and will give another update soon.
Love All,
dỠỠg
Hospital Update.1
Howdy Ya'll,
Angela is in good spirits. She went into surgery about an hour ago and will be in there for about 4hrs. They're not sure what they will find but they have all the parts required for her retread... er, hip revision. The doc said they'll be able to add a 1/4" to her leg, the first replacement left her about 1/2" short thus all the lower back issues.
More later...
Angela is in good spirits. She went into surgery about an hour ago and will be in there for about 4hrs. They're not sure what they will find but they have all the parts required for her retread... er, hip revision. The doc said they'll be able to add a 1/4" to her leg, the first replacement left her about 1/2" short thus all the lower back issues.
More later...
Sunday, February 1, 2009
The last stand on soapbox
So tonight is my last post for a while and I thought it appropriate to mention the economy, or lack of it. Hey people what about a Novel idea called "putting your collective money where your collective mouth is?". The politicians want all these earmarks for special interests and bail out funds for corporate big wigs who have blown their top at tax payers expense. I am all about capitalism as long as it is tempered with humanity and a sense of spreading the wealth. The trickle down theory works great when the very rich, who make millions for large failing corporations, actually invest and spend in America while paying their taxes. I am not saying we should not trade but lets get real. Spending money keeps the economy afloat but it does not do anything for our betterment when we only shop in the big box stores who buy cheap cheap from other countries with little or no oversight. Does tainted milk ring a bell?
I have a great idea. Remember the company store? Many years ago when companies actually took care of their employees they had a company store for workers like a military commissary. They kept the prices down by providing a service and employed people to run the shop. Granted it allowed the boss to keep people on the job site for longer hours and they profited a little but the point is we can use that same theory for our own communities. Have you recently shopped at a locally owned family business? Bought eggs from the farmer down the road? Hired a small neighborhood contractor? Taken your old clothes in need of repair to a local seamstress? Patronized a small independent drug store? When we put money into our local-small businesses we put money into our community. Small business owners actually pay taxes, high taxes by the way. They hire our neighbors, donate to local charities, are involved in community events, provide benefits/workers compensation and they keep the wheels in motion and cogs greased right here at home with out huge salaries or golden parachutes. If we wisely spend our money after we pay our bills, chip away at debt and feed our family we should spend it where we say we want it to go. Same goes for businesses with ethical and green practices. They need support. Local farmers have eggs, milk, honey, produce and meat which is not shipped in from Mexico or New Zealand and it costs the environment less while supporting local economy. It all makes sense to me. In addition to these benefits we also save fuel by not shipping or flying products from distant lands. The best part of all is that you are supporting your neighbors, friends and family.
I am guilty of leasing a Honda and I struggle with this. There are those items which we have to bend on. I also understand people needing to cut back on costs by shopping at the big chains where they can save more. But !! what if we all decided we could live on less "stuff" and spend more wisely? Would putting our money where our mouth is make a statement and an impact? I think so. I am not an economist but I saw this train wreck ten years ago with all the ARM home loans being shelled out. I knew we were heading for disaster. I also saw it when big box stores started forcing small, independent and local businesses to shut their doors while buying disposable-tainted items from China. It is true that small-local costs more but it also gives more. You also build a rapport with the business owners. This is all about community. When we support local we can also afford to go global on the few items on which we splurge.
I guess all this bail out crap and corruption is really forcing me to look at how I spend and how I make choices about where my money goes. It is a process. I do not need much and live simply and it works for me. If I had young kids or a larger family it might be different. I do not judge others decisions I merely pose the questions of local or global? Box store or small independent shop? Spend or pay bills? Support neighbor or big corporate-corrupt big wigs? These are questions with which we all must struggle if we desire to survive this troubled economy and hold accountable the people who got us here while taking full responsibility for our own bad choices and overspending habits. What a great time to become aware. As I analyze my shopping behaviors and choices I see a better way. It may take time for me to adjust but it is a choice I am willing to make.
I have a great idea. Remember the company store? Many years ago when companies actually took care of their employees they had a company store for workers like a military commissary. They kept the prices down by providing a service and employed people to run the shop. Granted it allowed the boss to keep people on the job site for longer hours and they profited a little but the point is we can use that same theory for our own communities. Have you recently shopped at a locally owned family business? Bought eggs from the farmer down the road? Hired a small neighborhood contractor? Taken your old clothes in need of repair to a local seamstress? Patronized a small independent drug store? When we put money into our local-small businesses we put money into our community. Small business owners actually pay taxes, high taxes by the way. They hire our neighbors, donate to local charities, are involved in community events, provide benefits/workers compensation and they keep the wheels in motion and cogs greased right here at home with out huge salaries or golden parachutes. If we wisely spend our money after we pay our bills, chip away at debt and feed our family we should spend it where we say we want it to go. Same goes for businesses with ethical and green practices. They need support. Local farmers have eggs, milk, honey, produce and meat which is not shipped in from Mexico or New Zealand and it costs the environment less while supporting local economy. It all makes sense to me. In addition to these benefits we also save fuel by not shipping or flying products from distant lands. The best part of all is that you are supporting your neighbors, friends and family.
I am guilty of leasing a Honda and I struggle with this. There are those items which we have to bend on. I also understand people needing to cut back on costs by shopping at the big chains where they can save more. But !! what if we all decided we could live on less "stuff" and spend more wisely? Would putting our money where our mouth is make a statement and an impact? I think so. I am not an economist but I saw this train wreck ten years ago with all the ARM home loans being shelled out. I knew we were heading for disaster. I also saw it when big box stores started forcing small, independent and local businesses to shut their doors while buying disposable-tainted items from China. It is true that small-local costs more but it also gives more. You also build a rapport with the business owners. This is all about community. When we support local we can also afford to go global on the few items on which we splurge.
I guess all this bail out crap and corruption is really forcing me to look at how I spend and how I make choices about where my money goes. It is a process. I do not need much and live simply and it works for me. If I had young kids or a larger family it might be different. I do not judge others decisions I merely pose the questions of local or global? Box store or small independent shop? Spend or pay bills? Support neighbor or big corporate-corrupt big wigs? These are questions with which we all must struggle if we desire to survive this troubled economy and hold accountable the people who got us here while taking full responsibility for our own bad choices and overspending habits. What a great time to become aware. As I analyze my shopping behaviors and choices I see a better way. It may take time for me to adjust but it is a choice I am willing to make.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Surgery Count Down
I am counting down the days to surgery. All pre-op appointments are done. Everything looks good and we are moving forward with surgery date February 2nd. I ask you to hold me in your thoughts and prayers for this day and the weeks following. This is the third hip replacement on the left side. Hopefully the last!! Luckily lupus is not active!! Yippie.
I want people to understand lupus can go into remission but the ramifications of side effects from medications and treatments, in addition to the damage created by the disease itself, can be a life long challenge. The importance of funding research is so very important. Lupus is on the rise, as are other auto immune diseases, even with our troops coming home from Iraq. The causes need to be found. The "new" University of Michigan Lupus Program is a big step in this direction and a dream come true for my family. I am blessed to be involved as a patient and as an advocate. This is an exciting time as we get closer to understanding all auto immune disorders. My hat is off to all the devoted researchers and clinicians who give so much of their time and knowledge.
The snow keeps coming! Some say this is the most snow in our area ever during this particular time period. The snow covered Frasier Fur branches are stunning in the sunlight. The little kid in me just loves the snow. I think winter is one of the most peaceful of times. It is a time to go inward and cozy up. It brings families together and opens opportunities to look deep within and quietly reflect . For me this is not a social time but the quiet after the holiday storm. I come out in spring feeling renewed and refreshed for gardening, swimming,kayaking and spending long hours outside in the fresh air. I love how the seasons truly reflect our internal clocks. May your clocks be renewed and your winter be blessed. I will write after surgery and Douglas will be writing updates.
I want people to understand lupus can go into remission but the ramifications of side effects from medications and treatments, in addition to the damage created by the disease itself, can be a life long challenge. The importance of funding research is so very important. Lupus is on the rise, as are other auto immune diseases, even with our troops coming home from Iraq. The causes need to be found. The "new" University of Michigan Lupus Program is a big step in this direction and a dream come true for my family. I am blessed to be involved as a patient and as an advocate. This is an exciting time as we get closer to understanding all auto immune disorders. My hat is off to all the devoted researchers and clinicians who give so much of their time and knowledge.
The snow keeps coming! Some say this is the most snow in our area ever during this particular time period. The snow covered Frasier Fur branches are stunning in the sunlight. The little kid in me just loves the snow. I think winter is one of the most peaceful of times. It is a time to go inward and cozy up. It brings families together and opens opportunities to look deep within and quietly reflect . For me this is not a social time but the quiet after the holiday storm. I come out in spring feeling renewed and refreshed for gardening, swimming,kayaking and spending long hours outside in the fresh air. I love how the seasons truly reflect our internal clocks. May your clocks be renewed and your winter be blessed. I will write after surgery and Douglas will be writing updates.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
"Super profundo on the eve of your new year"
This is my version of a quote from one of my favorite Indy movies called "The waking life". This movie spoke to a time in my own life when I was obsessed with contemplation, prayer and meditation. The movie was a meditation on contemplative thought in a big way. Douglas and I watched it several times, mostly while I was in the hospital and the lap top movies were my only form of entertainment beyond friends, family and the occasional hospital escapades, which never cease to create a laugh or two. The quote was about how profound can be our "New day" or "New year", as it is, and how we can separate ourselves from our own "pain" or realities and surf the waves of existential philosophy and "ponderings" of ancient wisdom crossed with pop culture. Yeah it is mouth full. It is a way of telling ourselves to accept the unknown future with a sense of profound understanding and insight. This year especially is one in which to look back with a sense of contemplation, while at the same time looking forward with the wisdom we gained from our mistakes or misgivings.
I would like to think of this new year's eve as the beginning of a whole new way of thinking and acting in a society gone crazy. I do not use that word lightly by the way. I turn on the TV or internet and feel disturbed by the craziness I see before me. It is a whole weird life indeed, waking or dreaming. Even listening to my NPR jazz station can bring in sounds of mental illness from all over the globe right into my own living room. It is one filled with hunger, poverty, pain, war, greed, jealousy, corruption, lawlessness, suffering, unnecessary disease, childhood ills, aging sickness, bombings, global warming or cooling, bad vibes, racism, sexism, narcissism, oppression, religious wars, philosophical challenges, moral corruption, nudity, inflation, recession, profanity, political infighting and a whole bag of negative crap. What I need is to see a new year filled with hope and inspiration. I need to feel the sense of sisterly-brotherly love, peace, goodwill towards all, uplifting spirit, prosperity of the soul and all the goodness we know to be contained within the human soul. It is always amazing to me how we each find a way to drift into celebration on the new year instead of drifting inward to our own contemplation of humankind and kindness. hey...........I am all about" The Party" but it shall be tempered with peace, love and kindness. We can all use a little of this right? Is it not what the great masters and prophets teach? Jesus was not kidding about this !!! Compassion and loving thy neighbor goes hand in hand with turning the other cheek. Have we become so myopic we forgot the original lessons? Did Buddha not see the pain in order to over come and change suffering to gratitude? Yes I believe in this. I do know when I forgive and feel kindness in sight of ugliness I feel a better person for the action. It is with this spirit I move forward while gazing back. I offer up a plateful and champagne glass semi full of peace and goodwill towards all human kind-animal kind and planet.
Happy new year !!!!
I would like to think of this new year's eve as the beginning of a whole new way of thinking and acting in a society gone crazy. I do not use that word lightly by the way. I turn on the TV or internet and feel disturbed by the craziness I see before me. It is a whole weird life indeed, waking or dreaming. Even listening to my NPR jazz station can bring in sounds of mental illness from all over the globe right into my own living room. It is one filled with hunger, poverty, pain, war, greed, jealousy, corruption, lawlessness, suffering, unnecessary disease, childhood ills, aging sickness, bombings, global warming or cooling, bad vibes, racism, sexism, narcissism, oppression, religious wars, philosophical challenges, moral corruption, nudity, inflation, recession, profanity, political infighting and a whole bag of negative crap. What I need is to see a new year filled with hope and inspiration. I need to feel the sense of sisterly-brotherly love, peace, goodwill towards all, uplifting spirit, prosperity of the soul and all the goodness we know to be contained within the human soul. It is always amazing to me how we each find a way to drift into celebration on the new year instead of drifting inward to our own contemplation of humankind and kindness. hey...........I am all about" The Party" but it shall be tempered with peace, love and kindness. We can all use a little of this right? Is it not what the great masters and prophets teach? Jesus was not kidding about this !!! Compassion and loving thy neighbor goes hand in hand with turning the other cheek. Have we become so myopic we forgot the original lessons? Did Buddha not see the pain in order to over come and change suffering to gratitude? Yes I believe in this. I do know when I forgive and feel kindness in sight of ugliness I feel a better person for the action. It is with this spirit I move forward while gazing back. I offer up a plateful and champagne glass semi full of peace and goodwill towards all human kind-animal kind and planet.
Happy new year !!!!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
"Good Job Hubband"
Well my husband did surely surprise me for my 42nd birthday. It was actually for both our birthday and Christmas presents to each other but he arranged it and kept it a secret which was great !! We started out stopping off at a lovely midtown Detroit Historic Inn on Ferry Street, which in the day was the tops, where we could see all the major museums and Center for Creative Design. We then headed over to the Detroit Institute of Art for the Monet to Dali exhibit plus most of permanent exhibitions. Wonderful to see it after they added the renovation. I had not been in years and he wheeled me around in a chair or I wheeled myself. It was wonderful. We ate lunch in their cafeteria and had a glass of wine before retiring to our room for a short nap and classical music. Very cozy. The driver took us to MGM Grand where we spent the night gambling and people watching, had dinner and were picked up before we turned into pumpkins. They served us breakfast the next morning, which was really good, then we toured around a bit and had one final spin at roulette. What fun !!! Detroit might make it after all. If the weather was nicer we would have stayed for the Eastern Market and Greek Town, but the snow was melting, raining, windy and foggy so we headed home in afternoon and it was 58 degrees. Amazing. last night we were kept awake by power outages, high winds and lots of noise. Dad and Mary still do not have power.
I am pooped from the holidays !! Today is rest day and maybe tomorrow as well. Busy week ahead and it is a perfect rainy day to sleep and read.
Happy New Year to You All!!
I am pooped from the holidays !! Today is rest day and maybe tomorrow as well. Busy week ahead and it is a perfect rainy day to sleep and read.
Happy New Year to You All!!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
"The snow it keeps "a comin"
The snow is not coming down at an inch an hour but it is coming down pretty darn fast. We love it. I just spoke to my grandma in Detroit to tell her we would not be driving to visit until after the storm because there are too many wrecks and she made a comment about how horrible the weather was and I said "Oh but it is so beautiful." Her reply.."I am over it". I guess after 86 years I would be too. I cleared off our cement Buddha and put a wreath at his belly, which is covered by snow. The birds like to sit on his head and poop. Have to keep him clean and in the Christmas spirit and the birdies happy. There are two red headed wood peckers now which are lovely !
I visited with a few girlfriends last night and had a wonderful time. It is so sweet to have small get togethers with gals pals and enjoy a few laughs,good food and conversation. I feel the holiday spirit more so now. I was feeling like a bad cold was moving into my head but I think it is just the wood stove and dryness. It has been cranking out the heat. Our humidifier tank needs replacing and they do not make the part anymore so we just put a pot of water on the wood stove and let it boil. Poor Doogie has to sit right by it because it is in his office. I go down there and sweat my butt off and come into my office-studio and freeze. Oiu!
I still do not know what Doug's surprise birthday "get away" is and I am shocked I have not figured it out yet. The big give away will be when he goes to pack for me. It is only a night or two away so it can not be too far from home. I hope we are able to drive. If not we will be snug at home. Either way is fine by me. dad is making Christmas dinner and he can pick us up in the big truck if it's too icy.
The hospital is having a pre-walk fund raising and Lupus Program meeting January 5th for our committee to start off the new year on the right foot. It will be nice to get a head start for the walk this year. I will be here and will be able to do more too. I was very bad about getting out all my invitations due to our being in Asheville until two weeks before the walk. It was still great. The research is exciting and I should have an update after January 5th when we meet. I hope it involves better treatment options and that we are getting closer to a cure. I am still so pissed that steroids are the main option considering all the bone loss I and others have experienced and continue to experience. At least I am able so far to move about. I know others who can not. We are trying to plan a spring event too in Ann Arbor. With funds tight we have to do smaller events and more regular to keep it affordable and in the news. Many businesses are doing more to help charities now too. One local shoe store has a girl's night out party. You can invite your friends-family to the store where they provide bubbly and appetizers donated by local restaurants and a percentage a shoe sales go to the charity while raising awareness and having fun. It helps us support local business too ! Another restaurant has Thursday Night Chef Wine Tastings and donates $5.00 a head to your charity. Both are no brainer events to plan. Consider doing something for your favorite charity in your town.
Well I have rambled enough today. No new news just a short chat before the big day. If I do not speak to you directly please know we send our love and blessings for a very happy holiday and new year. may peace, prosperity and good health fill your home and heart....and don't forget those who have less..
I visited with a few girlfriends last night and had a wonderful time. It is so sweet to have small get togethers with gals pals and enjoy a few laughs,good food and conversation. I feel the holiday spirit more so now. I was feeling like a bad cold was moving into my head but I think it is just the wood stove and dryness. It has been cranking out the heat. Our humidifier tank needs replacing and they do not make the part anymore so we just put a pot of water on the wood stove and let it boil. Poor Doogie has to sit right by it because it is in his office. I go down there and sweat my butt off and come into my office-studio and freeze. Oiu!
I still do not know what Doug's surprise birthday "get away" is and I am shocked I have not figured it out yet. The big give away will be when he goes to pack for me. It is only a night or two away so it can not be too far from home. I hope we are able to drive. If not we will be snug at home. Either way is fine by me. dad is making Christmas dinner and he can pick us up in the big truck if it's too icy.
The hospital is having a pre-walk fund raising and Lupus Program meeting January 5th for our committee to start off the new year on the right foot. It will be nice to get a head start for the walk this year. I will be here and will be able to do more too. I was very bad about getting out all my invitations due to our being in Asheville until two weeks before the walk. It was still great. The research is exciting and I should have an update after January 5th when we meet. I hope it involves better treatment options and that we are getting closer to a cure. I am still so pissed that steroids are the main option considering all the bone loss I and others have experienced and continue to experience. At least I am able so far to move about. I know others who can not. We are trying to plan a spring event too in Ann Arbor. With funds tight we have to do smaller events and more regular to keep it affordable and in the news. Many businesses are doing more to help charities now too. One local shoe store has a girl's night out party. You can invite your friends-family to the store where they provide bubbly and appetizers donated by local restaurants and a percentage a shoe sales go to the charity while raising awareness and having fun. It helps us support local business too ! Another restaurant has Thursday Night Chef Wine Tastings and donates $5.00 a head to your charity. Both are no brainer events to plan. Consider doing something for your favorite charity in your town.
Well I have rambled enough today. No new news just a short chat before the big day. If I do not speak to you directly please know we send our love and blessings for a very happy holiday and new year. may peace, prosperity and good health fill your home and heart....and don't forget those who have less..
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Big 10 Snow
It is so lovely here today. We woke up to sun after days of clouds and flurries plus a snow storm yesterday which was long and deep. I think we have about 10 inches total from last weeks snow and yesterdays. Not sure? It looks very deep. Last night around 9 pm the snow plows came by and cleared the drive with enough room now to park a few school buses, but hey, at least I can drive to the store for.........well what else? wine. It is a snowed-in/fire place kind of weekend. Tonight a second blast of a couple more inches will really tuck us in nicely. We missed a Christmas party last night and may miss one tonight in Detroit. I really do not want to miss it but the drive home could be strange and dangerous. Tomorrow I am supposed to go to my friend Gary's to smoke two ducks and a chicken. It should be fun. They are soaking in brine.
My grandfather is doing great after his first week post knee replacement. He is actually able to come home for the day from the rehab. I am so glad he is doing extremely well. This is hopeful. My other grandfather is doing better too after months of thinking he was leaving us. He still sleeps all day and does not eat much but my grandmother is happy she has her man.
I am feeling a little nervous about surgery and trying to decide if I have made the right decision. I am supposed to have left hip revised in February but I wonder if I should do my knees first??? I can decide for myself but I feel I need guidance. Unfortunately I have to decide for myself. Dr's can not offer their opinion in this case only offer the facts and let me make the decision. Then sometimes I wonder if I should just not do anything yet since Douglas will be in NC post surgery and i will have to depend on others. If you know me well you will know I do not do the dependent thing very well. I can see me walking up and down the stairs on crutches with a backpack of laundry. Or shoveling the last snow of the season from my wheelchair. I guess part of me wants all joint-bone replacements to be over and the other part of me wants to bury my head in a pillow of denial and hold off until I am forced. It should be an easy decision, but doing it alone makes it tough. Asking for help worse. I never said I was good in that area only better than I used to be. The decision will be made by February 2nd.
Well back to listening to "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me" on NPR. If you never listen to it try it a couple times. It is great for humor and news information of the week.11:00 am Saturday mornings.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Tiz the season for giving to those who need it most
http://www.strength.org/
You can go to Share Our Strength web site and donate $35.00 to feed one child 3 meals a day for a month. Or donate more to feed more or volunteer. Organize a dining-out event or bake sale. Every little bit helps.
Another one of my favorite organizations is the Hiefer Foundation My family has been donating chickens and other livestock to this wonderful organization instead of giving each other gifts. Not only do they give the animals they also teach the families, especially women, how to make money from say goats milk or eggs. Then the receiving family must donate or gift some of their animals to a needy neighbor or family member and teach them. The animals feed the families and help them earn an income in impoverished areas.
"Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him to fish and he eats for life".
You can go to Share Our Strength web site and donate $35.00 to feed one child 3 meals a day for a month. Or donate more to feed more or volunteer. Organize a dining-out event or bake sale. Every little bit helps.
Another one of my favorite organizations is the Hiefer Foundation My family has been donating chickens and other livestock to this wonderful organization instead of giving each other gifts. Not only do they give the animals they also teach the families, especially women, how to make money from say goats milk or eggs. Then the receiving family must donate or gift some of their animals to a needy neighbor or family member and teach them. The animals feed the families and help them earn an income in impoverished areas.
"Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him to fish and he eats for life".
Sunday, December 14, 2008
What is a life well lived?
What is a life well lived? This question has plagued me for my entire life. I wonder what whomever first ppondered this question actually meant and what was their answer. I also consider all the people in the world who have a unique view with which to answer this timeless question. You read people's epitaph and it says "They led a life well lived" or you see a movie titled " A life well lived". But what exactly is the measurement for this? It is subjective, of course, but there must be some tools with which to measure whether or not someone had a life which was wasted or one which seemed to be a total success? I ponder this only in the sense I do not want to let time pass with no sense of accomplishment. I certainly do not mean that by a measurement of regular ways and means. I want to say I feel successful in a well lived life if I made someone happy, touched people or inspired them in some way, acknowledged those who inspired and taught me, spent my time somewhat useful, helped my fellow human kind, was good to animals and the planet, lived a life with little foot prints, helped make aware certain issues which needed to be made light filled, "helped many someones in need and accepted help when I was in need, educated myself well, experimented with everything and did everything I wanted to do which caused no harm, traveled as much as possible to learn other cultures and ways, saw beauty in all of life, expressed my feelings in positive ways to those whom I love, loved and cared for my self and this body which is such an amazing gift, spent time with those I love and even strangers and tried to be the best possible person I could be in light of all challenges, speak the truth no matter how hard it may be while knowing when to stay silent, taken time to stop and watch the sunset-moon rise-plant blossom etc., read well, listened well, shared, expanded my sense of comfort, took chances and dared to be myself. There is so much more. The most important of all is that I know for sure I have had a life filled with joy and have spent my life offering compassion and joy. How great and wondrous is that? While many of my cohorts were trying to gain professional success, riches, rewards, fame and fortune I passed it up for experience and other seemingly less important tasks. I guess I never saw the joy in driving an expensive car, wear a fur coat or have my name flashed on the pages of Who's Who". Not that I would turn away from the idea but it was not a marker for me to which to move toward.
Some say it is a blessing and a gift to have a chronic-life threatening illness. I agree !! It really forces one to examine a life which in the past was less examined. It saved my life to be quite frank. I was not moving in a direction I would consider to be successful or fulfilling in the ways which are of importance now. What a process though. This to be continued !!!!!
Some say it is a blessing and a gift to have a chronic-life threatening illness. I agree !! It really forces one to examine a life which in the past was less examined. It saved my life to be quite frank. I was not moving in a direction I would consider to be successful or fulfilling in the ways which are of importance now. What a process though. This to be continued !!!!!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
What a week...photo taken only a month ago
This week carried with it many landmarks and other activities. First off my Sister turned 50 years young. She went kicking and screaming into a new era but her wonderful husband managed to pull off a seamless surprise party. She was completely shocked that he and 75 others were able to keep this a top secret event. When she opened her front door Saturday, after hearing a knock and expecting some immediate family members, she was greeted by 73 friends and family from near and far standing in her yard-drive like the Verizon network. People flew, drove and walked from all over who represented many periods in her life from early child hood to college to present times. I only wish Douglas and I had been there to see her face. The biggest surprise of all was when our eldest brother showed up from England and no one knew. How cool is that?
Second event was that my grandfather, who I also call dad, got his knee replaced on Thursday. He is doing fabulously and is very happy to have this done. He is such an inspiration in so many ways, but especially his youthfulness in his 80's and his rock solid mental capacity. Good genes for sure.
My father turned 61 years old on Wednesday and we planned a dinner at our house which he was unfortunately unable to make. The dinner was an amazing foodie event of gastronomical proportions, which went on for hours. We ate freshly plucked smoked pheasant and duck, fish pate',homemade Hartak (Finnish crackers),fresh baked bread,beef tips with horseradish sauce, lamb-pork-spinach lasagna, Caesar Salad, a beautiful fish-veggie-olive-salami antipasto platter and a triple layer chocolate cream filled cake with sour cream frosting. I am still stuffed and gained at least a pound. It was fun to spend time with my dads old pals who are more like family.
Also, Douglas' sister Paula had a birthday in Tennessee. Happy birthday to her !!!
Doug went to Texas for a project meeting on which he will be working through may in Asheville. The owner and architect live in Dallas. This project will be another fun and creative one. I will let you know more later. We are happy for the work!!! He does not leave for NC until late February after my hip replacement revision.
Yes yet another one. This makes 3 on left side. The socket is loose and causing pain and mechanical issues. I will be thrilled to get it done and then on to replacing both knees. I may need left shoulder replaced eventually. Bionic does not even come close.But lupus is under control and I am full of myself and feeling pretty good with much rest and relaxation as I am trying to stay off legs. I have regular PT still... forever probably,which is great for me. Claudia is my PT from Germany and is excellent at her job and I really like her as a friend. It is rare to truly feel a friendship-kinship with a therapist or health care worker. There is a professional distance they usually keep. Claudia is not this type of person. Again I am blessed.
I had a mole removed and biopsied which looked suspicious but was just irritated and no skin cancer for me thank goodness. I am happy to have good test results.
I also have the good fortune of having a friends horse boarded across the street who needs a little attention and loving. I am able to go over, with Doug, and spend time with the horses. Bart is her guys name and he is a 17 hand chestnut with two left white socks and a star. He reminds me of my first horse Huckleberry Finn. Huck was 16 hands...still big. Bart and I are in the "getting to know one another" stage. I have not been around horses in a while. What a treat !! Thank you Dale for this opportunity. It's nice to have him so close and to meet another neighbor too.
All in all with the economy,snowy-cold-icy holiday weather and political challenges, both here and abroad,it has been a hopeful week. I see a slight change for the positive happening in peoples attitudes and in social responsibility coming from people and corporations who finally understand the need for the world to come together to do good things for the planet and it's inhabitants. What tends to come with challenging times is a group mentality for a common good. Sure we see greed with a vibrant clarity as it is uncovered and hedged out of the crevices of those minds who need to be put to task and held responsible. Philanthropy and volunteer-ism becomes more important and prolific as funds are decreasing. Families spend more time together at home talking, playing games, being creative, watching movies with pop corn and simply being together for meals. Instead of buying expensive gifts and sending tons of paper cards we see a trend of email cards, web cam greetings, phone calls and Skype calls with the ability to talk to family-friends out of country or in the armed services for free. Home made gifts made with love are so much more important than a cheap "made in China" plastic throw away toy. I love to receive and to give food made with love, fresh wreaths, flowers, home made candles and soaps etc.
Mary, my step mom, and I went to whole foods last week to shop for her families food basket and stocking stuffers for the holidays. This is the second Whole Foods in A2 and is right down the street! They have a wine bar and sushi bar with all kinds of other food stations. You can actually drink wine while shopping or take a load off, munch on good food and sip flights of wine and Michigan cheese after your shopping adventure. It was a wonderful way to shop. If you are in A2 check it out.
Tiz the season to share with those who have less. I see a world in which we can live in peace and harmony with simple needs and humble hearts. Perhaps we should head that lesson all the time as opposed to filling out our own wish lists and checking it twice. I feel very grateful!!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Food Nation
We have entered a Foodie Revolution. I love it !! I always have felt food was at the heart of the family and now I see it finally playing out in most homes all over the US. I think it has been this way around the world but we here in the states have been in fast food heaven or hell for way too long. Families forgot how to eat after the invention and popularization of frozen TV dinners, "drive-up windows", take outs and microwaves. Computers sit on dining tables instead of plates and people are usually watching their TV while eating prepared and over processed foods. recently I have seen this change. Maybe it is still the same for most families struggling with schedules and finances but I hear more conversations about food and the meals people will prepare. I see the Food Channel as a huge gift into the hearts and hearths of America. It is teaching us how to begin a foodie lifestyle which encompasses more than just filling our bellies. It is a holistic approach to food. We think about what we are making and where the food came from. We carefully plan our meals, find recipes, clip coupons, shop, consider local-organic options and we even read labels. Then we bring our hunting-gathering gifts home to be unwrapped and prepared with a sense of love and gratitude. We may even pretend we are a food star. I can see this revolution being a spiritual journey as well as gastronomic.
I can remember how my family would get dressed up for dinner when I was young and our mouths would begin to salivate the closer the hour came. Everyone would share in conversation about their days adventures and we would pass food and feel a sense of unity. It was a time to connect to our own selves as well as the family as a whole. It was then i knew I had a higher purpose in the kitchen. I am one of those people who thinks about gardening, harvesting, preparing and eating food all the time. I should weigh 300 pounds but I also consider the art of eating slowly and chewing each morsel as if it were the last meal. I read about food and the environment and seek local farmers and growers. I love to attend the farmers market with my cotton totes and lists in hand. I stop by the farm near our home for the best fresh eggs in town and all this for simple survival? No, it is an art form and a way of life. I see this as a conscious way of living and being with our environment and community. It also nurtures our spirits in a deeper way than we realize.
The greatest pleasure I get is seeing people smile after a meal I have lovingly prepared. I remember cooking at restaurants and seeing the folks in the dining room or deli counter smiling ear to ear and rubbing their Buddha Bellies with sheer bliss and the memories of donating freshly baked bread to the homeless shelter and the looks on the faces of people who were being served hot home cooked meals come flooding back into my brain. What a joy !!! and what a wonderful time to contemplate these small acts of giving. Thanksgiving is the beginning of a month long food fest and I will enjoy every tiny bite !!!
I can remember how my family would get dressed up for dinner when I was young and our mouths would begin to salivate the closer the hour came. Everyone would share in conversation about their days adventures and we would pass food and feel a sense of unity. It was a time to connect to our own selves as well as the family as a whole. It was then i knew I had a higher purpose in the kitchen. I am one of those people who thinks about gardening, harvesting, preparing and eating food all the time. I should weigh 300 pounds but I also consider the art of eating slowly and chewing each morsel as if it were the last meal. I read about food and the environment and seek local farmers and growers. I love to attend the farmers market with my cotton totes and lists in hand. I stop by the farm near our home for the best fresh eggs in town and all this for simple survival? No, it is an art form and a way of life. I see this as a conscious way of living and being with our environment and community. It also nurtures our spirits in a deeper way than we realize.
The greatest pleasure I get is seeing people smile after a meal I have lovingly prepared. I remember cooking at restaurants and seeing the folks in the dining room or deli counter smiling ear to ear and rubbing their Buddha Bellies with sheer bliss and the memories of donating freshly baked bread to the homeless shelter and the looks on the faces of people who were being served hot home cooked meals come flooding back into my brain. What a joy !!! and what a wonderful time to contemplate these small acts of giving. Thanksgiving is the beginning of a month long food fest and I will enjoy every tiny bite !!!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
My sweet man and I at an outdoor sculpture garden in Asheville
I want to share a little about the man who has been walking next to me for 15 years. He is my handsome and wonderful husband with too many good attributes to mention. I want to share this because I see so many married couples get lost in a sea of apathy and "non-relations". As we approach Thanksgiving, which everyone who knows me knows this is my very favorite holiday. I consider all the years we have celebrated and opened our home to friends, family and strangers who did not have family with which to celebrate, or could not go home for the weekend. The past two years we have been unable to do this. I feel a great loss because I am a "giver", but I feel blessed to be with my loved one no matter where we eat. We spent a fabulous Thanksgiving last yea, and will spend this year with our great friends Kitty and Steven at their home. They, like us, have been a family hub for those during this wonderful holiday. They have friends over who share food, laughs, libations and great conversation mixed with a bit of football. It is something we treasure as this has started a new tradition after we visit a few family members in Detroit area earlier in the day. I look forward to a time when we are able to extend ourselves, home and food to others like we did in years past, but I also feel very lucky to be treated by my dear friends-family with my fabulous and much loved husband. Did I mention he is handsome? Pictures tell all. Truth being: "The heart is more real and stronger than the outside visual; and I am a lucky gal in so many ways". I never take advantage of this reality. If I have not told you how blessed I feel. now you know. I am most thankful.
May your upcoming holiday be filled with love and blessings realized. Then share it on the following Friday for the first "National day of listening". Listen to a loved a one, friend or stranger. Let them tell you how they feel or their story. It might fill you with a greater sense of gratefulness. I will be glad to bedn your ear...hahaha.
Friday, November 14, 2008
What an exciting time in history !
President Elect Barack Obama, our first president of color. What an amazing giant step forward for people all over the world, not just of color, but of all walks of life. It was a tear filled moment for many people. Even those who did not vote for him were touched and filled with a new spirit of unity and hope for future generations. I am sure there are those who feel, for lack of better words,disdain, but I have seen and heard those folks for years and finally they are the minority. For those of you with faith in God, some prayers were answered. If you believe in God you know his prayers are always answered so you can take comfort in that. I on the other hand take comfort knowing my nieces will have more hope for their futures and will finally see themselves mirrored through the lovely two little girls who will now occupy the Executive Home. (no jokes about that).
I watched the TV viewing of his humble and calm speech given around 11:30 pm at Grant Park in Chicago as a quarter million people stared glossy eyed upon the stage with a sense of calm and peace, pre-celebration, which lasted for days. I went to bed after a small victory dance, a big cry and lots of hoots and hollers. The next day was an equally uplifting and surreal day where I felt the shadow of darkness some placed over the election lifted and a new day had indeed begun. I had energy and felt like I could do anything. I raked leaves for half and hour. (that is huge for me now). I even wore shorts due to high temps. It was a sunny sky day in blue clouded bliss. I have my yard sign, buttons, sticker and all the memorabilia I could save to share with my nieces and nephews kids and Doug's sons children when they are old enough to understand(if they have kids). Wow !!!!! I am also equally glad the venomous puss spewing out of a certain woman's mouth will no longer be on the air waves, at least as a VP running mate. She can go back to her independent state where felons can get elected. I do not like hateful people or people who encourage acts of violence and kill wolves from helicopters. Bless her family though, I am sure she is a handful. McCain was very admirable in his speech and he is a good man who will continue to do good work as a public servant.
Health is good lupus wise. Bones still a big issue. The left hip socket is loosening to the point we may need to replace it for the third time. It is a charm I hope, and the two knees will need replacing soon after. I am ready to get back on my feet again. I have been mobile but not really. It is easy to move about the house and do some walking at grocery store or to appointments but with much pain and limps. The AVN being as progressive and incurable as it is, is most disturbing. It can hopefully be taken care of with more surgeries and I look forward to a day when I can ride a bike again and dance. Heck! I would settle for a long walk in the woods with my main man. More on bones later.
Basking in the glory !!! Snow tomorrow and leaves they have a fallen.
I watched the TV viewing of his humble and calm speech given around 11:30 pm at Grant Park in Chicago as a quarter million people stared glossy eyed upon the stage with a sense of calm and peace, pre-celebration, which lasted for days. I went to bed after a small victory dance, a big cry and lots of hoots and hollers. The next day was an equally uplifting and surreal day where I felt the shadow of darkness some placed over the election lifted and a new day had indeed begun. I had energy and felt like I could do anything. I raked leaves for half and hour. (that is huge for me now). I even wore shorts due to high temps. It was a sunny sky day in blue clouded bliss. I have my yard sign, buttons, sticker and all the memorabilia I could save to share with my nieces and nephews kids and Doug's sons children when they are old enough to understand(if they have kids). Wow !!!!! I am also equally glad the venomous puss spewing out of a certain woman's mouth will no longer be on the air waves, at least as a VP running mate. She can go back to her independent state where felons can get elected. I do not like hateful people or people who encourage acts of violence and kill wolves from helicopters. Bless her family though, I am sure she is a handful. McCain was very admirable in his speech and he is a good man who will continue to do good work as a public servant.
Health is good lupus wise. Bones still a big issue. The left hip socket is loosening to the point we may need to replace it for the third time. It is a charm I hope, and the two knees will need replacing soon after. I am ready to get back on my feet again. I have been mobile but not really. It is easy to move about the house and do some walking at grocery store or to appointments but with much pain and limps. The AVN being as progressive and incurable as it is, is most disturbing. It can hopefully be taken care of with more surgeries and I look forward to a day when I can ride a bike again and dance. Heck! I would settle for a long walk in the woods with my main man. More on bones later.
Basking in the glory !!! Snow tomorrow and leaves they have a fallen.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Health is good, joy is now
I am very happy to report a good feeling about health situation. I have had little lupus effects on the current regimen and I am in a lot less pain. I have more energy and feel like I am bouncing back. I know that sounds so "wishful thinking" but it is a good feeling to feel healthier and stronger. I can tell when things are getting better and healing is happening deep inside my cells. I know I have to stick to a certain routine and keep on top of PT and all the things which bring my body much happiness. I also count my blessings every day I live here and not in the Congo or Iraq. We are so blessed to be living in a place where we are fed, clothed, loved, warm and dry, Doug and I. For those who are not I am sad, but I must focus on positive things in our control. We all should try to do that if possible. This is a great place to be metaphorically speaking.
I do hope those of you reading this are well and happy. I would love to know who is reading this blog and tell me what's new with your life. I guess I write this more for me than anyone else at this point. It is a journal and sometimes I ramble. We all need an outlet. It is my way of reaching out as well. So reach back if you get a chance !!!
I won't bite.....not hard anyway...........Peace
I do hope those of you reading this are well and happy. I would love to know who is reading this blog and tell me what's new with your life. I guess I write this more for me than anyone else at this point. It is a journal and sometimes I ramble. We all need an outlet. It is my way of reaching out as well. So reach back if you get a chance !!!
I won't bite.....not hard anyway...........Peace
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Where does the time go during election times?
Douglas and I have been back in Ann Arbor for almost three months and it seems like yesterday. It has been a challenging time and I feel almost as if the world has turned upside down. Politics and economy weigh heavy on our minds and we feel it in all aspects of our lives. I am almost afraid to look at the news or our bank account yet I know we have to keep abreast of the situation. I will be happy when the elections are over(with Obama as president) and we can all sit back with a hot beverage and watch Canada from our very own back yard !! The Bush years will go down in history as the worst 8 years in American politics, I hope there is not more of the same. It looks like it will be behind us and we can move forward in a new light. I am also with trust our financial situation in the world will get better. It is a stress everyone feels, unless you are a Bill Gates or Oprah. The degree to which we feel it is up for debate. The point is that we are in a time of upset and it has us all in knots, no matter how we vote.
A brighter future ahead !!! November 4 get out and vote. It is your voice and your right as an adult American Citizen............as long as it is an educated vote. Study the facts and know the truth not just the mud slinging pseudo facts we hear on TV or in those nasty phone calls from computer driven messages. That's all I have to say about that. Just make sure you do vote.
A brighter future ahead !!! November 4 get out and vote. It is your voice and your right as an adult American Citizen............as long as it is an educated vote. Study the facts and know the truth not just the mud slinging pseudo facts we hear on TV or in those nasty phone calls from computer driven messages. That's all I have to say about that. Just make sure you do vote.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Harvest moon-Indian summer
October Harvest Moon and 70 degrees outside the painted leaf sky. Dapples of orange kiss red tinged kites falling to damp earth. Wind blows in another land today and silence holds it's breath for a wet night. Long sleep wetness in the dawn of cold to come. Down roots grow searching the urges of spring unknown. Chimney sweeps into a new time of anxious voters and holiday cheers. Drink up the sun until you are silly for the cold winter will hangover a long nights sleep.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Popa
There are no words to express how sad it has been to watch my grandparents get old. Last few days my 92 year old Popa has been teetering on that fine line between life and death. His pride stripped away with his basic faculties. He used to be a big hulk of a man, tough, rough and had the mouth of a sailor and then some. This Detroit boy was raised old world German, played the violin in The Detroit Youth Symphony, watched the Tigers from outside the fence and road the trolley to work at a young age. He speaks of WW II as if it were yesterday. His hands are deeply ridged and scared from years in the motor glass industry. His garden which once fed the family is now a pile of compost and stray flowers my aunt planted years ago. His cabin locked up for now. His new truck sitting in the drive with a few hundred miles after only a year. With the walkers help he fixes his oatmeal on bent bones, reads the paper, turns his hearing aide up or off, smokes a "cig", sits on the porch hoping an old friend will walk by, then falls asleep in his club chair with the TV on till dinner with few distractions in between. my lovely and sweet 86 year old grandmother, Vera, cares for him with vigilance but is wearing her age and the past year of age related ills. They did not think they would die. Now I wait for the call which says my Popa has passed. Holding my breath. Stranger yet, they just finally drew up their Wishes and Wills. Funny how the time flew by.
My grandmother's parents died one or two days of each other. I fear it will be the same. I have been blessed to have spent quality time with them, helped them go through their old photos, collect data and pick their memories so I am at peace. I see they are not happy in the older version of their younger selves. I see the pain and grief. Why this age? We are born to die yet never think it will come to us. What a tangled web? Now at the end i wish them peace. I also know the end can drag on. Cheers none the less. Preparation is the best medicine for now for grieving must wait.
My grandmother's parents died one or two days of each other. I fear it will be the same. I have been blessed to have spent quality time with them, helped them go through their old photos, collect data and pick their memories so I am at peace. I see they are not happy in the older version of their younger selves. I see the pain and grief. Why this age? We are born to die yet never think it will come to us. What a tangled web? Now at the end i wish them peace. I also know the end can drag on. Cheers none the less. Preparation is the best medicine for now for grieving must wait.
Thanksgiving is near.It's time to cook.
On cooking and entertaining……
As we would love to experience the ability to spend luxurious days and endless evenings growing, raising, nurturing, harvesting,preparing and sharing our own meals while looking fabulous and staying fit all at once…………;it is an ominous and almost impossible goal for today’s adults, one which I have been blessed to actually attempt and sometimes even pull off successfully. I spent hours growing, planning, executing and enjoying my own creative recipes for myself, husband and loved ones. I even attempted a few careers in the food industry……….It is when money, time and energy inhibit us to experience those old world food values on which we were once raised to follow. Those days are few and far between for us when we actually do plan and create weekly or monthly family meals and those with friends. Few are the meals we prepare and share together with those we love. The one connecting bond families and friends once shared is a challenge for even the most culinary geniuses and multi-taskers.
I consider myself a good gardener and cook with a knack for bringing people together in a moment of bonding and eating. What is missing is the ability to do it fully. Health and economy being the main issues, but all parties involved must also be in sync to pull it off, which is hard with our full lives.It is a challenge I truly aspire to overcome. I aspire to get back to it by following some simple principles I learned along the path to food and fun.
You see I have a basic philosophy: First we find a date on the calendar for the chosen group of people to come together and break bread, sip wine and enjoy one another's company. Then the menu plan ensues based on what is fresh and in season that week or day in the garden and at market. One must be open to adapting recipes when certain foods are not available, perhaps raiding the pantry. Then the right occasion must be matched to the event (holiday, birthday etc) which then sets the theme, location and attire. After invitations are sent and RSVP's received the planning and list making begins. Each person brings one thing to share. There is always one person who is good for store bought flowers, bread, wine or candles, which is equally as desired as a dish, yet I do love it when each person prepares a specialty of their own along with a story behind the cretaion. It is fun to taste little bites of many tasty morsels, share recipes and tricks. It is a strong bond we share.
In order to create that perfect meal I find shopping and budget are most challenging in preparing just the right amount. Inevitably two or three people will cancel at last minute and one person will bring unexpected guests or kids so I plan for a little extra. Then there is the Weather! I have had dinners postponed for two hours due to heavy rain storms. Timing is important too as there are times I have given different times to guests, answering the door in my PJ's with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth or waiting for two hours thinking dinner was 5:00 not 7:00. That is when good advanced prep is a blessing. The pre-made platters of appetizers and bowls of olives and nuts are ready to set out with glasses of wine ready for the pick of the guest. Soup is in crock pot and bread baked earlier in the day. Sometimes dog friends enter in a flurry, tails wagging, wet paws searching for kibble, which I have. After we all finally gather we begin the line to the kitchen. People grab a chair or stand and chat in the kitchen, of course, right where the cook is working while glasses flow with lots of laughs, musical changes and always a sigh mid to end meal when everyone feels full and happily satisfied. On occasion we have been known to experience complete silence. That is good. It is the goal of every home cook and most restaurant chefs; that moment of pure delight and exhalations. When this is attained and everyone is getting along well I can sit back and enjoy watching my husband washing dishes and dishing the dirt after another well planned event pulled off with many hitches. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So plan a holiday dinner with 6-8 friends/family and enjoy the moment when food and relationship come together and celebrate that time old tradition of "Shared Meals". Oh ya...invite us too !!!!
As we would love to experience the ability to spend luxurious days and endless evenings growing, raising, nurturing, harvesting,preparing and sharing our own meals while looking fabulous and staying fit all at once…………;it is an ominous and almost impossible goal for today’s adults, one which I have been blessed to actually attempt and sometimes even pull off successfully. I spent hours growing, planning, executing and enjoying my own creative recipes for myself, husband and loved ones. I even attempted a few careers in the food industry……….It is when money, time and energy inhibit us to experience those old world food values on which we were once raised to follow. Those days are few and far between for us when we actually do plan and create weekly or monthly family meals and those with friends. Few are the meals we prepare and share together with those we love. The one connecting bond families and friends once shared is a challenge for even the most culinary geniuses and multi-taskers.
I consider myself a good gardener and cook with a knack for bringing people together in a moment of bonding and eating. What is missing is the ability to do it fully. Health and economy being the main issues, but all parties involved must also be in sync to pull it off, which is hard with our full lives.It is a challenge I truly aspire to overcome. I aspire to get back to it by following some simple principles I learned along the path to food and fun.
You see I have a basic philosophy: First we find a date on the calendar for the chosen group of people to come together and break bread, sip wine and enjoy one another's company. Then the menu plan ensues based on what is fresh and in season that week or day in the garden and at market. One must be open to adapting recipes when certain foods are not available, perhaps raiding the pantry. Then the right occasion must be matched to the event (holiday, birthday etc) which then sets the theme, location and attire. After invitations are sent and RSVP's received the planning and list making begins. Each person brings one thing to share. There is always one person who is good for store bought flowers, bread, wine or candles, which is equally as desired as a dish, yet I do love it when each person prepares a specialty of their own along with a story behind the cretaion. It is fun to taste little bites of many tasty morsels, share recipes and tricks. It is a strong bond we share.
In order to create that perfect meal I find shopping and budget are most challenging in preparing just the right amount. Inevitably two or three people will cancel at last minute and one person will bring unexpected guests or kids so I plan for a little extra. Then there is the Weather! I have had dinners postponed for two hours due to heavy rain storms. Timing is important too as there are times I have given different times to guests, answering the door in my PJ's with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth or waiting for two hours thinking dinner was 5:00 not 7:00. That is when good advanced prep is a blessing. The pre-made platters of appetizers and bowls of olives and nuts are ready to set out with glasses of wine ready for the pick of the guest. Soup is in crock pot and bread baked earlier in the day. Sometimes dog friends enter in a flurry, tails wagging, wet paws searching for kibble, which I have. After we all finally gather we begin the line to the kitchen. People grab a chair or stand and chat in the kitchen, of course, right where the cook is working while glasses flow with lots of laughs, musical changes and always a sigh mid to end meal when everyone feels full and happily satisfied. On occasion we have been known to experience complete silence. That is good. It is the goal of every home cook and most restaurant chefs; that moment of pure delight and exhalations. When this is attained and everyone is getting along well I can sit back and enjoy watching my husband washing dishes and dishing the dirt after another well planned event pulled off with many hitches. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So plan a holiday dinner with 6-8 friends/family and enjoy the moment when food and relationship come together and celebrate that time old tradition of "Shared Meals". Oh ya...invite us too !!!!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Health world
Sometimes people ask me "How are you?". I guess this Blog is the best way to share how I feel and what is up on the health front. Lately I have been writing more about what is going on in the grander scale because I grow weary of constantly discussing my health. BUT for those who are concerned I want to say I am doing quite well at the moment. I am going to PT as always and started pool therapy as an add on. I feel more full of energy than a year ago. The meds are working and I am on a lot !!! But I have to do what works for me and so far lupus is not active. That does not mean remission by the way. Inactive means the meds have everything under control lab wise and symptomatically. I still have bone-joint-muscle pain,fatigue,insomnia, early signs of menopause,adrenal dysfunction, bone necrosis,arthralgia, weakness and low white cell counts due to the medications which suppress the immune system; the mechanism through which lupus can become active. Once the immune system is suppressed the lupus is unable to go astray and attack my own body. On a GOOD note: my kidneys are functioning well due to three meds I take as well. I guess you can say modern medicine and all the other good things I do are working. i hope to one day be off most of the medications but the reality is that may not be possible and as long as I am happy, fed, housed, loved and mentally functioning with Douglas by my side all other frivolous matters seem to handle themselves. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things on my wish list left to do, but I have lived a pretty full life and am grateful for all the adventures and experiences. I have been blessed!!!!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Challnges in tough times....HOPE and straight talk
During these difficult times in the world we ask ourselves if there is hope? I can honestly say there are always possibilities but hope is still an empty word if you believe in reality. Hope is one of those words I argue because it puts off the current moment for the possible future instead of accepting the present moment and making the best of it. "Making lemon-aide out of lemons" was not just a cute saying. It was an old fable translated into something we can understand. This fable is told in every culture about making the best of a worst case scenario. It is about not falling prey to the fear words of our "leaders" (political and religious etc.). Fear can make us feel lost and with out needed tools to overcome loss, pain and the human condition unless we "do this or do that". What if a religious leader or a politician said "Suck it up and be bold people; stop whining, cut back on spending, spend more time at home, cook your own meals, take the bus, grow your food, share the wealth, sell that big SUV, live within your means, stop feeling sorry for yourself, smile to a stranger and do something nice for your neighbors and the world?" I doubt we would vote for that. So they try to offer HOPE. Try? Has this worked? Yes it has but it has also kept us in a dream and living way too far in the future. I am guilty of this too. I put things on hold and hope for a brighter day. I tell patients they have hope for remission. I give loved ones some form of hope for the future. What I have learned is that future does not exist. The moment is now. NOW is the only moment we have. Make the best of it while it is here. That is what I will "try" to say NOW.
If the sky falls how will I decide to handle it? How will you? When the rich decide to pay themselves big fat dividend checks on tax payer dollars will we say "A brighter future will be ahead?". We do this all the time and then, like John Stewart pointed out so clearly on his "Comedy Central's" show last night: Fear and hope are always forcing our hands into action. Iraq war and now the big ass bailout. When does straight talk happen? Why do we resist? I guess it is human nature and the illusion under which we live our lives in a very prosperous society compared to the rest of the world. That is an illusion too. We have lived a lie. NOW we have to change the story by being honest and accepting the truth of the moment and know we have possibilities but not false hope.
I am leaving open the possibilities for a bright moment and taking responsibility for my own happiness and the way in which I live my life. I may back slide, as all humans do, but I will aspire to make the day a bright one here and NOW. There is always a bright side and a gift or miracle in the unexpected.......Let's find it. Let's pay attention now and do what is truly best and not simply put a band-aide on our unforeseeable future. Straight talk is what we need now. Are you up with that?
If the sky falls how will I decide to handle it? How will you? When the rich decide to pay themselves big fat dividend checks on tax payer dollars will we say "A brighter future will be ahead?". We do this all the time and then, like John Stewart pointed out so clearly on his "Comedy Central's" show last night: Fear and hope are always forcing our hands into action. Iraq war and now the big ass bailout. When does straight talk happen? Why do we resist? I guess it is human nature and the illusion under which we live our lives in a very prosperous society compared to the rest of the world. That is an illusion too. We have lived a lie. NOW we have to change the story by being honest and accepting the truth of the moment and know we have possibilities but not false hope.
I am leaving open the possibilities for a bright moment and taking responsibility for my own happiness and the way in which I live my life. I may back slide, as all humans do, but I will aspire to make the day a bright one here and NOW. There is always a bright side and a gift or miracle in the unexpected.......Let's find it. Let's pay attention now and do what is truly best and not simply put a band-aide on our unforeseeable future. Straight talk is what we need now. Are you up with that?
Monday, September 22, 2008
To Bail or not to Bail?
I know I am in a free country when I have the ability to ask my banker if I should close our retirement and place it into a safe savings account(MM) or to ride out the wave and see what the future brings. It is only in a rich and capitalistic country do we ask that question. Even in our "wealthy" country there are people deciding if they should eat lunch or hold off for dinner because they can not afford that Happy Meal. Come on folks.....It is not the end of the world for most of us invested in the stock market. For many that alone is a privilege beyond their means. The truth is that what we(D and I ) have managed to save is not enough to pay off our minivan. Debt is still on our side. I know few who actually own their home outright (no mortgage) or even their vehicle. We have outlived our savings and our credit. Most of us in the lower 98% have debt and owe more than we save. We spend more than we make. It has been the American Dream and Credo. Living up to the Jone's is catching up with us in a big way. The old corporate promise of a bright future retirement does not exist and owning one's own business costs more than it makes."What's up with that?"
It would be easy to blame it all on Hedge Funds, speculations, corporate waste and bad investments or spending in the banking industry or bad politics and regulations, but what about personal choice? Did Corporate-Government America force us to buy that Bling, BMW or i-Pod they shove down our throats? I think we need to look at the real issue: Our relationship with money !!! Our values!!! How do we teach and reach our children and how were we taught to handle-spend-save-value money? I know I was taught not to talk about it. Money was a taboo subject. I also remember though that spending was not taken lightly and Penny Pinchers were present in our family more than wild spenders. I came from the old school, where you will find people who drive old cars and own their homes outright. People who buy top quality products which last forever or buy from thrift shops, barter, trade and who recycle and compost. We garden and can food for winter. We save coupons, burn firewood and turn in pop bottles. I was taught to save change forever until you have a rainy day. These things have stuck with me for the most part. I am conservative in spending and yet do not mind splurging on items needed or which can bring some joy to life when needed. But the bills are paid first and I own no Bling. My grandmother told me that she would rather die than pay a bill late. I wore hand me down(thrift shop) dresses to high school dances. I had a great grandfather who died with dollar bills hidden in his dresser, bed and all over the place. This long lineage of thrifty folks has made me feel empowered and though I am "poor" in the bank I am rich in values. I consider how people in third world countries or New Orleans feel when they can not buy rice for their kids. That is news worthy and yet rarely hits the front page or top news story. While we figure out how to stop the government-corporate bleeding, the heads of these businesses will ride away on their private jet to a non USA taxed island and will live out their retirement on caviar. Lets hope it is a cannibalistic island(kidding. Meanwhile the working class will continue to struggle and buy those products sold to us in every way possible.
I guess what I am saying is that we are lucky if we have the privilege to have any funds in savings or investments and that the bleeding has to stop in a real way. I hope our government-corporate leaders make sure no one profits from this and the average person still has a way to save for retirement or at least a rainy day.
It would be easy to blame it all on Hedge Funds, speculations, corporate waste and bad investments or spending in the banking industry or bad politics and regulations, but what about personal choice? Did Corporate-Government America force us to buy that Bling, BMW or i-Pod they shove down our throats? I think we need to look at the real issue: Our relationship with money !!! Our values!!! How do we teach and reach our children and how were we taught to handle-spend-save-value money? I know I was taught not to talk about it. Money was a taboo subject. I also remember though that spending was not taken lightly and Penny Pinchers were present in our family more than wild spenders. I came from the old school, where you will find people who drive old cars and own their homes outright. People who buy top quality products which last forever or buy from thrift shops, barter, trade and who recycle and compost. We garden and can food for winter. We save coupons, burn firewood and turn in pop bottles. I was taught to save change forever until you have a rainy day. These things have stuck with me for the most part. I am conservative in spending and yet do not mind splurging on items needed or which can bring some joy to life when needed. But the bills are paid first and I own no Bling. My grandmother told me that she would rather die than pay a bill late. I wore hand me down(thrift shop) dresses to high school dances. I had a great grandfather who died with dollar bills hidden in his dresser, bed and all over the place. This long lineage of thrifty folks has made me feel empowered and though I am "poor" in the bank I am rich in values. I consider how people in third world countries or New Orleans feel when they can not buy rice for their kids. That is news worthy and yet rarely hits the front page or top news story. While we figure out how to stop the government-corporate bleeding, the heads of these businesses will ride away on their private jet to a non USA taxed island and will live out their retirement on caviar. Lets hope it is a cannibalistic island(kidding. Meanwhile the working class will continue to struggle and buy those products sold to us in every way possible.
I guess what I am saying is that we are lucky if we have the privilege to have any funds in savings or investments and that the bleeding has to stop in a real way. I hope our government-corporate leaders make sure no one profits from this and the average person still has a way to save for retirement or at least a rainy day.
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