We have entered a Foodie Revolution. I love it !! I always have felt food was at the heart of the family and now I see it finally playing out in most homes all over the US. I think it has been this way around the world but we here in the states have been in fast food heaven or hell for way too long. Families forgot how to eat after the invention and popularization of frozen TV dinners, "drive-up windows", take outs and microwaves. Computers sit on dining tables instead of plates and people are usually watching their TV while eating prepared and over processed foods. recently I have seen this change. Maybe it is still the same for most families struggling with schedules and finances but I hear more conversations about food and the meals people will prepare. I see the Food Channel as a huge gift into the hearts and hearths of America. It is teaching us how to begin a foodie lifestyle which encompasses more than just filling our bellies. It is a holistic approach to food. We think about what we are making and where the food came from. We carefully plan our meals, find recipes, clip coupons, shop, consider local-organic options and we even read labels. Then we bring our hunting-gathering gifts home to be unwrapped and prepared with a sense of love and gratitude. We may even pretend we are a food star. I can see this revolution being a spiritual journey as well as gastronomic.
I can remember how my family would get dressed up for dinner when I was young and our mouths would begin to salivate the closer the hour came. Everyone would share in conversation about their days adventures and we would pass food and feel a sense of unity. It was a time to connect to our own selves as well as the family as a whole. It was then i knew I had a higher purpose in the kitchen. I am one of those people who thinks about gardening, harvesting, preparing and eating food all the time. I should weigh 300 pounds but I also consider the art of eating slowly and chewing each morsel as if it were the last meal. I read about food and the environment and seek local farmers and growers. I love to attend the farmers market with my cotton totes and lists in hand. I stop by the farm near our home for the best fresh eggs in town and all this for simple survival? No, it is an art form and a way of life. I see this as a conscious way of living and being with our environment and community. It also nurtures our spirits in a deeper way than we realize.
The greatest pleasure I get is seeing people smile after a meal I have lovingly prepared. I remember cooking at restaurants and seeing the folks in the dining room or deli counter smiling ear to ear and rubbing their Buddha Bellies with sheer bliss and the memories of donating freshly baked bread to the homeless shelter and the looks on the faces of people who were being served hot home cooked meals come flooding back into my brain. What a joy !!! and what a wonderful time to contemplate these small acts of giving. Thanksgiving is the beginning of a month long food fest and I will enjoy every tiny bite !!!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
My sweet man and I at an outdoor sculpture garden in Asheville
I want to share a little about the man who has been walking next to me for 15 years. He is my handsome and wonderful husband with too many good attributes to mention. I want to share this because I see so many married couples get lost in a sea of apathy and "non-relations". As we approach Thanksgiving, which everyone who knows me knows this is my very favorite holiday. I consider all the years we have celebrated and opened our home to friends, family and strangers who did not have family with which to celebrate, or could not go home for the weekend. The past two years we have been unable to do this. I feel a great loss because I am a "giver", but I feel blessed to be with my loved one no matter where we eat. We spent a fabulous Thanksgiving last yea, and will spend this year with our great friends Kitty and Steven at their home. They, like us, have been a family hub for those during this wonderful holiday. They have friends over who share food, laughs, libations and great conversation mixed with a bit of football. It is something we treasure as this has started a new tradition after we visit a few family members in Detroit area earlier in the day. I look forward to a time when we are able to extend ourselves, home and food to others like we did in years past, but I also feel very lucky to be treated by my dear friends-family with my fabulous and much loved husband. Did I mention he is handsome? Pictures tell all. Truth being: "The heart is more real and stronger than the outside visual; and I am a lucky gal in so many ways". I never take advantage of this reality. If I have not told you how blessed I feel. now you know. I am most thankful.
May your upcoming holiday be filled with love and blessings realized. Then share it on the following Friday for the first "National day of listening". Listen to a loved a one, friend or stranger. Let them tell you how they feel or their story. It might fill you with a greater sense of gratefulness. I will be glad to bedn your ear...hahaha.
Friday, November 14, 2008
What an exciting time in history !
President Elect Barack Obama, our first president of color. What an amazing giant step forward for people all over the world, not just of color, but of all walks of life. It was a tear filled moment for many people. Even those who did not vote for him were touched and filled with a new spirit of unity and hope for future generations. I am sure there are those who feel, for lack of better words,disdain, but I have seen and heard those folks for years and finally they are the minority. For those of you with faith in God, some prayers were answered. If you believe in God you know his prayers are always answered so you can take comfort in that. I on the other hand take comfort knowing my nieces will have more hope for their futures and will finally see themselves mirrored through the lovely two little girls who will now occupy the Executive Home. (no jokes about that).
I watched the TV viewing of his humble and calm speech given around 11:30 pm at Grant Park in Chicago as a quarter million people stared glossy eyed upon the stage with a sense of calm and peace, pre-celebration, which lasted for days. I went to bed after a small victory dance, a big cry and lots of hoots and hollers. The next day was an equally uplifting and surreal day where I felt the shadow of darkness some placed over the election lifted and a new day had indeed begun. I had energy and felt like I could do anything. I raked leaves for half and hour. (that is huge for me now). I even wore shorts due to high temps. It was a sunny sky day in blue clouded bliss. I have my yard sign, buttons, sticker and all the memorabilia I could save to share with my nieces and nephews kids and Doug's sons children when they are old enough to understand(if they have kids). Wow !!!!! I am also equally glad the venomous puss spewing out of a certain woman's mouth will no longer be on the air waves, at least as a VP running mate. She can go back to her independent state where felons can get elected. I do not like hateful people or people who encourage acts of violence and kill wolves from helicopters. Bless her family though, I am sure she is a handful. McCain was very admirable in his speech and he is a good man who will continue to do good work as a public servant.
Health is good lupus wise. Bones still a big issue. The left hip socket is loosening to the point we may need to replace it for the third time. It is a charm I hope, and the two knees will need replacing soon after. I am ready to get back on my feet again. I have been mobile but not really. It is easy to move about the house and do some walking at grocery store or to appointments but with much pain and limps. The AVN being as progressive and incurable as it is, is most disturbing. It can hopefully be taken care of with more surgeries and I look forward to a day when I can ride a bike again and dance. Heck! I would settle for a long walk in the woods with my main man. More on bones later.
Basking in the glory !!! Snow tomorrow and leaves they have a fallen.
I watched the TV viewing of his humble and calm speech given around 11:30 pm at Grant Park in Chicago as a quarter million people stared glossy eyed upon the stage with a sense of calm and peace, pre-celebration, which lasted for days. I went to bed after a small victory dance, a big cry and lots of hoots and hollers. The next day was an equally uplifting and surreal day where I felt the shadow of darkness some placed over the election lifted and a new day had indeed begun. I had energy and felt like I could do anything. I raked leaves for half and hour. (that is huge for me now). I even wore shorts due to high temps. It was a sunny sky day in blue clouded bliss. I have my yard sign, buttons, sticker and all the memorabilia I could save to share with my nieces and nephews kids and Doug's sons children when they are old enough to understand(if they have kids). Wow !!!!! I am also equally glad the venomous puss spewing out of a certain woman's mouth will no longer be on the air waves, at least as a VP running mate. She can go back to her independent state where felons can get elected. I do not like hateful people or people who encourage acts of violence and kill wolves from helicopters. Bless her family though, I am sure she is a handful. McCain was very admirable in his speech and he is a good man who will continue to do good work as a public servant.
Health is good lupus wise. Bones still a big issue. The left hip socket is loosening to the point we may need to replace it for the third time. It is a charm I hope, and the two knees will need replacing soon after. I am ready to get back on my feet again. I have been mobile but not really. It is easy to move about the house and do some walking at grocery store or to appointments but with much pain and limps. The AVN being as progressive and incurable as it is, is most disturbing. It can hopefully be taken care of with more surgeries and I look forward to a day when I can ride a bike again and dance. Heck! I would settle for a long walk in the woods with my main man. More on bones later.
Basking in the glory !!! Snow tomorrow and leaves they have a fallen.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Health is good, joy is now
I am very happy to report a good feeling about health situation. I have had little lupus effects on the current regimen and I am in a lot less pain. I have more energy and feel like I am bouncing back. I know that sounds so "wishful thinking" but it is a good feeling to feel healthier and stronger. I can tell when things are getting better and healing is happening deep inside my cells. I know I have to stick to a certain routine and keep on top of PT and all the things which bring my body much happiness. I also count my blessings every day I live here and not in the Congo or Iraq. We are so blessed to be living in a place where we are fed, clothed, loved, warm and dry, Doug and I. For those who are not I am sad, but I must focus on positive things in our control. We all should try to do that if possible. This is a great place to be metaphorically speaking.
I do hope those of you reading this are well and happy. I would love to know who is reading this blog and tell me what's new with your life. I guess I write this more for me than anyone else at this point. It is a journal and sometimes I ramble. We all need an outlet. It is my way of reaching out as well. So reach back if you get a chance !!!
I won't bite.....not hard anyway...........Peace
I do hope those of you reading this are well and happy. I would love to know who is reading this blog and tell me what's new with your life. I guess I write this more for me than anyone else at this point. It is a journal and sometimes I ramble. We all need an outlet. It is my way of reaching out as well. So reach back if you get a chance !!!
I won't bite.....not hard anyway...........Peace
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Where does the time go during election times?
Douglas and I have been back in Ann Arbor for almost three months and it seems like yesterday. It has been a challenging time and I feel almost as if the world has turned upside down. Politics and economy weigh heavy on our minds and we feel it in all aspects of our lives. I am almost afraid to look at the news or our bank account yet I know we have to keep abreast of the situation. I will be happy when the elections are over(with Obama as president) and we can all sit back with a hot beverage and watch Canada from our very own back yard !! The Bush years will go down in history as the worst 8 years in American politics, I hope there is not more of the same. It looks like it will be behind us and we can move forward in a new light. I am also with trust our financial situation in the world will get better. It is a stress everyone feels, unless you are a Bill Gates or Oprah. The degree to which we feel it is up for debate. The point is that we are in a time of upset and it has us all in knots, no matter how we vote.
A brighter future ahead !!! November 4 get out and vote. It is your voice and your right as an adult American Citizen............as long as it is an educated vote. Study the facts and know the truth not just the mud slinging pseudo facts we hear on TV or in those nasty phone calls from computer driven messages. That's all I have to say about that. Just make sure you do vote.
A brighter future ahead !!! November 4 get out and vote. It is your voice and your right as an adult American Citizen............as long as it is an educated vote. Study the facts and know the truth not just the mud slinging pseudo facts we hear on TV or in those nasty phone calls from computer driven messages. That's all I have to say about that. Just make sure you do vote.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Harvest moon-Indian summer
October Harvest Moon and 70 degrees outside the painted leaf sky. Dapples of orange kiss red tinged kites falling to damp earth. Wind blows in another land today and silence holds it's breath for a wet night. Long sleep wetness in the dawn of cold to come. Down roots grow searching the urges of spring unknown. Chimney sweeps into a new time of anxious voters and holiday cheers. Drink up the sun until you are silly for the cold winter will hangover a long nights sleep.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Popa
There are no words to express how sad it has been to watch my grandparents get old. Last few days my 92 year old Popa has been teetering on that fine line between life and death. His pride stripped away with his basic faculties. He used to be a big hulk of a man, tough, rough and had the mouth of a sailor and then some. This Detroit boy was raised old world German, played the violin in The Detroit Youth Symphony, watched the Tigers from outside the fence and road the trolley to work at a young age. He speaks of WW II as if it were yesterday. His hands are deeply ridged and scared from years in the motor glass industry. His garden which once fed the family is now a pile of compost and stray flowers my aunt planted years ago. His cabin locked up for now. His new truck sitting in the drive with a few hundred miles after only a year. With the walkers help he fixes his oatmeal on bent bones, reads the paper, turns his hearing aide up or off, smokes a "cig", sits on the porch hoping an old friend will walk by, then falls asleep in his club chair with the TV on till dinner with few distractions in between. my lovely and sweet 86 year old grandmother, Vera, cares for him with vigilance but is wearing her age and the past year of age related ills. They did not think they would die. Now I wait for the call which says my Popa has passed. Holding my breath. Stranger yet, they just finally drew up their Wishes and Wills. Funny how the time flew by.
My grandmother's parents died one or two days of each other. I fear it will be the same. I have been blessed to have spent quality time with them, helped them go through their old photos, collect data and pick their memories so I am at peace. I see they are not happy in the older version of their younger selves. I see the pain and grief. Why this age? We are born to die yet never think it will come to us. What a tangled web? Now at the end i wish them peace. I also know the end can drag on. Cheers none the less. Preparation is the best medicine for now for grieving must wait.
My grandmother's parents died one or two days of each other. I fear it will be the same. I have been blessed to have spent quality time with them, helped them go through their old photos, collect data and pick their memories so I am at peace. I see they are not happy in the older version of their younger selves. I see the pain and grief. Why this age? We are born to die yet never think it will come to us. What a tangled web? Now at the end i wish them peace. I also know the end can drag on. Cheers none the less. Preparation is the best medicine for now for grieving must wait.
Thanksgiving is near.It's time to cook.
On cooking and entertaining……
As we would love to experience the ability to spend luxurious days and endless evenings growing, raising, nurturing, harvesting,preparing and sharing our own meals while looking fabulous and staying fit all at once…………;it is an ominous and almost impossible goal for today’s adults, one which I have been blessed to actually attempt and sometimes even pull off successfully. I spent hours growing, planning, executing and enjoying my own creative recipes for myself, husband and loved ones. I even attempted a few careers in the food industry……….It is when money, time and energy inhibit us to experience those old world food values on which we were once raised to follow. Those days are few and far between for us when we actually do plan and create weekly or monthly family meals and those with friends. Few are the meals we prepare and share together with those we love. The one connecting bond families and friends once shared is a challenge for even the most culinary geniuses and multi-taskers.
I consider myself a good gardener and cook with a knack for bringing people together in a moment of bonding and eating. What is missing is the ability to do it fully. Health and economy being the main issues, but all parties involved must also be in sync to pull it off, which is hard with our full lives.It is a challenge I truly aspire to overcome. I aspire to get back to it by following some simple principles I learned along the path to food and fun.
You see I have a basic philosophy: First we find a date on the calendar for the chosen group of people to come together and break bread, sip wine and enjoy one another's company. Then the menu plan ensues based on what is fresh and in season that week or day in the garden and at market. One must be open to adapting recipes when certain foods are not available, perhaps raiding the pantry. Then the right occasion must be matched to the event (holiday, birthday etc) which then sets the theme, location and attire. After invitations are sent and RSVP's received the planning and list making begins. Each person brings one thing to share. There is always one person who is good for store bought flowers, bread, wine or candles, which is equally as desired as a dish, yet I do love it when each person prepares a specialty of their own along with a story behind the cretaion. It is fun to taste little bites of many tasty morsels, share recipes and tricks. It is a strong bond we share.
In order to create that perfect meal I find shopping and budget are most challenging in preparing just the right amount. Inevitably two or three people will cancel at last minute and one person will bring unexpected guests or kids so I plan for a little extra. Then there is the Weather! I have had dinners postponed for two hours due to heavy rain storms. Timing is important too as there are times I have given different times to guests, answering the door in my PJ's with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth or waiting for two hours thinking dinner was 5:00 not 7:00. That is when good advanced prep is a blessing. The pre-made platters of appetizers and bowls of olives and nuts are ready to set out with glasses of wine ready for the pick of the guest. Soup is in crock pot and bread baked earlier in the day. Sometimes dog friends enter in a flurry, tails wagging, wet paws searching for kibble, which I have. After we all finally gather we begin the line to the kitchen. People grab a chair or stand and chat in the kitchen, of course, right where the cook is working while glasses flow with lots of laughs, musical changes and always a sigh mid to end meal when everyone feels full and happily satisfied. On occasion we have been known to experience complete silence. That is good. It is the goal of every home cook and most restaurant chefs; that moment of pure delight and exhalations. When this is attained and everyone is getting along well I can sit back and enjoy watching my husband washing dishes and dishing the dirt after another well planned event pulled off with many hitches. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So plan a holiday dinner with 6-8 friends/family and enjoy the moment when food and relationship come together and celebrate that time old tradition of "Shared Meals". Oh ya...invite us too !!!!
As we would love to experience the ability to spend luxurious days and endless evenings growing, raising, nurturing, harvesting,preparing and sharing our own meals while looking fabulous and staying fit all at once…………;it is an ominous and almost impossible goal for today’s adults, one which I have been blessed to actually attempt and sometimes even pull off successfully. I spent hours growing, planning, executing and enjoying my own creative recipes for myself, husband and loved ones. I even attempted a few careers in the food industry……….It is when money, time and energy inhibit us to experience those old world food values on which we were once raised to follow. Those days are few and far between for us when we actually do plan and create weekly or monthly family meals and those with friends. Few are the meals we prepare and share together with those we love. The one connecting bond families and friends once shared is a challenge for even the most culinary geniuses and multi-taskers.
I consider myself a good gardener and cook with a knack for bringing people together in a moment of bonding and eating. What is missing is the ability to do it fully. Health and economy being the main issues, but all parties involved must also be in sync to pull it off, which is hard with our full lives.It is a challenge I truly aspire to overcome. I aspire to get back to it by following some simple principles I learned along the path to food and fun.
You see I have a basic philosophy: First we find a date on the calendar for the chosen group of people to come together and break bread, sip wine and enjoy one another's company. Then the menu plan ensues based on what is fresh and in season that week or day in the garden and at market. One must be open to adapting recipes when certain foods are not available, perhaps raiding the pantry. Then the right occasion must be matched to the event (holiday, birthday etc) which then sets the theme, location and attire. After invitations are sent and RSVP's received the planning and list making begins. Each person brings one thing to share. There is always one person who is good for store bought flowers, bread, wine or candles, which is equally as desired as a dish, yet I do love it when each person prepares a specialty of their own along with a story behind the cretaion. It is fun to taste little bites of many tasty morsels, share recipes and tricks. It is a strong bond we share.
In order to create that perfect meal I find shopping and budget are most challenging in preparing just the right amount. Inevitably two or three people will cancel at last minute and one person will bring unexpected guests or kids so I plan for a little extra. Then there is the Weather! I have had dinners postponed for two hours due to heavy rain storms. Timing is important too as there are times I have given different times to guests, answering the door in my PJ's with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth or waiting for two hours thinking dinner was 5:00 not 7:00. That is when good advanced prep is a blessing. The pre-made platters of appetizers and bowls of olives and nuts are ready to set out with glasses of wine ready for the pick of the guest. Soup is in crock pot and bread baked earlier in the day. Sometimes dog friends enter in a flurry, tails wagging, wet paws searching for kibble, which I have. After we all finally gather we begin the line to the kitchen. People grab a chair or stand and chat in the kitchen, of course, right where the cook is working while glasses flow with lots of laughs, musical changes and always a sigh mid to end meal when everyone feels full and happily satisfied. On occasion we have been known to experience complete silence. That is good. It is the goal of every home cook and most restaurant chefs; that moment of pure delight and exhalations. When this is attained and everyone is getting along well I can sit back and enjoy watching my husband washing dishes and dishing the dirt after another well planned event pulled off with many hitches. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So plan a holiday dinner with 6-8 friends/family and enjoy the moment when food and relationship come together and celebrate that time old tradition of "Shared Meals". Oh ya...invite us too !!!!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Health world
Sometimes people ask me "How are you?". I guess this Blog is the best way to share how I feel and what is up on the health front. Lately I have been writing more about what is going on in the grander scale because I grow weary of constantly discussing my health. BUT for those who are concerned I want to say I am doing quite well at the moment. I am going to PT as always and started pool therapy as an add on. I feel more full of energy than a year ago. The meds are working and I am on a lot !!! But I have to do what works for me and so far lupus is not active. That does not mean remission by the way. Inactive means the meds have everything under control lab wise and symptomatically. I still have bone-joint-muscle pain,fatigue,insomnia, early signs of menopause,adrenal dysfunction, bone necrosis,arthralgia, weakness and low white cell counts due to the medications which suppress the immune system; the mechanism through which lupus can become active. Once the immune system is suppressed the lupus is unable to go astray and attack my own body. On a GOOD note: my kidneys are functioning well due to three meds I take as well. I guess you can say modern medicine and all the other good things I do are working. i hope to one day be off most of the medications but the reality is that may not be possible and as long as I am happy, fed, housed, loved and mentally functioning with Douglas by my side all other frivolous matters seem to handle themselves. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things on my wish list left to do, but I have lived a pretty full life and am grateful for all the adventures and experiences. I have been blessed!!!!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Challnges in tough times....HOPE and straight talk
During these difficult times in the world we ask ourselves if there is hope? I can honestly say there are always possibilities but hope is still an empty word if you believe in reality. Hope is one of those words I argue because it puts off the current moment for the possible future instead of accepting the present moment and making the best of it. "Making lemon-aide out of lemons" was not just a cute saying. It was an old fable translated into something we can understand. This fable is told in every culture about making the best of a worst case scenario. It is about not falling prey to the fear words of our "leaders" (political and religious etc.). Fear can make us feel lost and with out needed tools to overcome loss, pain and the human condition unless we "do this or do that". What if a religious leader or a politician said "Suck it up and be bold people; stop whining, cut back on spending, spend more time at home, cook your own meals, take the bus, grow your food, share the wealth, sell that big SUV, live within your means, stop feeling sorry for yourself, smile to a stranger and do something nice for your neighbors and the world?" I doubt we would vote for that. So they try to offer HOPE. Try? Has this worked? Yes it has but it has also kept us in a dream and living way too far in the future. I am guilty of this too. I put things on hold and hope for a brighter day. I tell patients they have hope for remission. I give loved ones some form of hope for the future. What I have learned is that future does not exist. The moment is now. NOW is the only moment we have. Make the best of it while it is here. That is what I will "try" to say NOW.
If the sky falls how will I decide to handle it? How will you? When the rich decide to pay themselves big fat dividend checks on tax payer dollars will we say "A brighter future will be ahead?". We do this all the time and then, like John Stewart pointed out so clearly on his "Comedy Central's" show last night: Fear and hope are always forcing our hands into action. Iraq war and now the big ass bailout. When does straight talk happen? Why do we resist? I guess it is human nature and the illusion under which we live our lives in a very prosperous society compared to the rest of the world. That is an illusion too. We have lived a lie. NOW we have to change the story by being honest and accepting the truth of the moment and know we have possibilities but not false hope.
I am leaving open the possibilities for a bright moment and taking responsibility for my own happiness and the way in which I live my life. I may back slide, as all humans do, but I will aspire to make the day a bright one here and NOW. There is always a bright side and a gift or miracle in the unexpected.......Let's find it. Let's pay attention now and do what is truly best and not simply put a band-aide on our unforeseeable future. Straight talk is what we need now. Are you up with that?
If the sky falls how will I decide to handle it? How will you? When the rich decide to pay themselves big fat dividend checks on tax payer dollars will we say "A brighter future will be ahead?". We do this all the time and then, like John Stewart pointed out so clearly on his "Comedy Central's" show last night: Fear and hope are always forcing our hands into action. Iraq war and now the big ass bailout. When does straight talk happen? Why do we resist? I guess it is human nature and the illusion under which we live our lives in a very prosperous society compared to the rest of the world. That is an illusion too. We have lived a lie. NOW we have to change the story by being honest and accepting the truth of the moment and know we have possibilities but not false hope.
I am leaving open the possibilities for a bright moment and taking responsibility for my own happiness and the way in which I live my life. I may back slide, as all humans do, but I will aspire to make the day a bright one here and NOW. There is always a bright side and a gift or miracle in the unexpected.......Let's find it. Let's pay attention now and do what is truly best and not simply put a band-aide on our unforeseeable future. Straight talk is what we need now. Are you up with that?
Monday, September 22, 2008
To Bail or not to Bail?
I know I am in a free country when I have the ability to ask my banker if I should close our retirement and place it into a safe savings account(MM) or to ride out the wave and see what the future brings. It is only in a rich and capitalistic country do we ask that question. Even in our "wealthy" country there are people deciding if they should eat lunch or hold off for dinner because they can not afford that Happy Meal. Come on folks.....It is not the end of the world for most of us invested in the stock market. For many that alone is a privilege beyond their means. The truth is that what we(D and I ) have managed to save is not enough to pay off our minivan. Debt is still on our side. I know few who actually own their home outright (no mortgage) or even their vehicle. We have outlived our savings and our credit. Most of us in the lower 98% have debt and owe more than we save. We spend more than we make. It has been the American Dream and Credo. Living up to the Jone's is catching up with us in a big way. The old corporate promise of a bright future retirement does not exist and owning one's own business costs more than it makes."What's up with that?"
It would be easy to blame it all on Hedge Funds, speculations, corporate waste and bad investments or spending in the banking industry or bad politics and regulations, but what about personal choice? Did Corporate-Government America force us to buy that Bling, BMW or i-Pod they shove down our throats? I think we need to look at the real issue: Our relationship with money !!! Our values!!! How do we teach and reach our children and how were we taught to handle-spend-save-value money? I know I was taught not to talk about it. Money was a taboo subject. I also remember though that spending was not taken lightly and Penny Pinchers were present in our family more than wild spenders. I came from the old school, where you will find people who drive old cars and own their homes outright. People who buy top quality products which last forever or buy from thrift shops, barter, trade and who recycle and compost. We garden and can food for winter. We save coupons, burn firewood and turn in pop bottles. I was taught to save change forever until you have a rainy day. These things have stuck with me for the most part. I am conservative in spending and yet do not mind splurging on items needed or which can bring some joy to life when needed. But the bills are paid first and I own no Bling. My grandmother told me that she would rather die than pay a bill late. I wore hand me down(thrift shop) dresses to high school dances. I had a great grandfather who died with dollar bills hidden in his dresser, bed and all over the place. This long lineage of thrifty folks has made me feel empowered and though I am "poor" in the bank I am rich in values. I consider how people in third world countries or New Orleans feel when they can not buy rice for their kids. That is news worthy and yet rarely hits the front page or top news story. While we figure out how to stop the government-corporate bleeding, the heads of these businesses will ride away on their private jet to a non USA taxed island and will live out their retirement on caviar. Lets hope it is a cannibalistic island(kidding. Meanwhile the working class will continue to struggle and buy those products sold to us in every way possible.
I guess what I am saying is that we are lucky if we have the privilege to have any funds in savings or investments and that the bleeding has to stop in a real way. I hope our government-corporate leaders make sure no one profits from this and the average person still has a way to save for retirement or at least a rainy day.
It would be easy to blame it all on Hedge Funds, speculations, corporate waste and bad investments or spending in the banking industry or bad politics and regulations, but what about personal choice? Did Corporate-Government America force us to buy that Bling, BMW or i-Pod they shove down our throats? I think we need to look at the real issue: Our relationship with money !!! Our values!!! How do we teach and reach our children and how were we taught to handle-spend-save-value money? I know I was taught not to talk about it. Money was a taboo subject. I also remember though that spending was not taken lightly and Penny Pinchers were present in our family more than wild spenders. I came from the old school, where you will find people who drive old cars and own their homes outright. People who buy top quality products which last forever or buy from thrift shops, barter, trade and who recycle and compost. We garden and can food for winter. We save coupons, burn firewood and turn in pop bottles. I was taught to save change forever until you have a rainy day. These things have stuck with me for the most part. I am conservative in spending and yet do not mind splurging on items needed or which can bring some joy to life when needed. But the bills are paid first and I own no Bling. My grandmother told me that she would rather die than pay a bill late. I wore hand me down(thrift shop) dresses to high school dances. I had a great grandfather who died with dollar bills hidden in his dresser, bed and all over the place. This long lineage of thrifty folks has made me feel empowered and though I am "poor" in the bank I am rich in values. I consider how people in third world countries or New Orleans feel when they can not buy rice for their kids. That is news worthy and yet rarely hits the front page or top news story. While we figure out how to stop the government-corporate bleeding, the heads of these businesses will ride away on their private jet to a non USA taxed island and will live out their retirement on caviar. Lets hope it is a cannibalistic island(kidding. Meanwhile the working class will continue to struggle and buy those products sold to us in every way possible.
I guess what I am saying is that we are lucky if we have the privilege to have any funds in savings or investments and that the bleeding has to stop in a real way. I hope our government-corporate leaders make sure no one profits from this and the average person still has a way to save for retirement or at least a rainy day.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Avascular Necrosis FYI
As many of you know I have been on steroids for my entire adult life for lupus control. This has caused a condition called AVN or Avascular Necrosis. I have had four joints replaced, actually the bones which make up the joint, due to this destructive condition for which western medicine has no cure. The outlook is devastating for someone as independent as me. I am coming to terms with it more now due to increase pain and decrease mobility. It has spread to most of my large bones and some small. Think of swiss cheese. I say this because I want people to understand why one day I walk tall and the next I am with walker, cane or wheel chair. I am ordering a motorized chair soon so do not be shocked when you see me in it. I am trying to be positive and proactive doing all I can to make it ok mentally and emotionally while doing all I can physically and nutritionally as possible. After 20 years of dealing with it's progression I have to face the facts so I have listed them here for you to ponder. Please do not bombard me with all sort of alternative treatments I have studied and done everything under the sun. The fact I exercise, walk and live a fairly normal life is amazing enough. I will continue to be active but changes are expected and miracles always happen. See my bones strong and blood vessels bring blood to them.
Definition
Avascular necrosis is death of bone tissue due to a lack of blood supply. This can lead to tiny breaks in the bone and the bone's eventual collapse. Avascular necrosis most often affects the head of the thighbone (femur), causing hip pain. But it may affect other bones as well.
Blood supply to the bone can be impaired for a number of reasons, including injuries. Avascular necrosis is also associated with long-term use of steroid medications. Can be caused by lupus, other diseases and alcoholism. Your doctor might use other terms to describe avascular necrosis, such as osteonecrosis, aseptic necrosis or ischemic bone necrosis.
Avascular necrosis is progressive, meaning it worsens with time. Managing the condition is a lifelong process.
Symptoms
Avascular necrosis may cause no signs or symptoms. But some people experience pain or a loss of range of motion in the affected joint. Where you experience pain depends on where the avascular necrosis occurs. For instance:
* Avascular necrosis of the hip may cause pain in your groin. Pain may radiate down your thigh to your knee. Pain is usually worse when standing or walking.
* Avascular necrosis of the wrist may cause wrist pain and finger weakness. You might feel less pain when you keep your hand still. The wrist bones most commonly associated with avascular necrosis include the lunate (Kienbock disease) and the scaphoid (Preiser disease).
* Avascular necrosis of the knee causes knee pain. The bone most commonly affected is the lower end of the thighbone (femur).
* Avascular necrosis of the shoulder usually involves the head of your upper arm bone (humerus). Pain and stiffness are common.
Avascular necrosis may also develop in the bones of your foot, ankle, spine and jaw.
Tests and diagnosis
To determine what's causing your pain, your doctor will ask about your medical history and your current signs and symptoms. He or she will likely want to know what actions increase your pain and what relieves it.
In order to diagnose avascular necrosis, your doctor may request images be taken to get a closer look at your bones. Common tests for avascular necrosis include:
* X-rays. X-rays usually appear normal in people who have early-stage avascular necrosis. Later stages may be more evident on an X-ray.
* Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). MRI scans can show early changes in the bone that may indicate avascular necrosis.
Depending on your signs and symptoms, your doctor may use other tests to diagnose avascular necrosis. In rare cases, your doctor may surgically remove a small piece of bone (biopsy) for laboratory examination.
Complications
Avascular necrosis that goes untreated will continue causing deterioration of the bone. Eventually the bone may become weakened enough that it collapses, causing pain and disability. Letting your avascular necrosis go untreated could lead to severe pain and loss of movement within two to five years.
Treatments and drugs
The goal of avascular necrosis treatment is to prevent further bone loss. What treatment you receive depends on the amount of bone damage you already have. Early stages of avascular necrosis may benefit from more conservative treatment, while later stages may require surgery.
Medications
Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) can relieve pain caused by avascular necrosis. Examples of NSAIDs include aspirin and ibuprofen.
Bisphosphonate medications, such as alendronate (Fosamax), also may play a role in the treatment of this disease. In some studies of people with avascular necrosis affecting the ball portion of the hip joint (femoral head), bisphosphonates appeared to slow the progression of the disease and reduce pain. More research is needed before doctors can make a strong recommendation about the use of bisphosphonates in the treatment of avascular necrosis.
Rest
Reducing the amount of weight and stress on your affected bone may slow the damage of avascular necrosis. You may need to restrict the amount of physical activity you engage in. In the case of hip or knee avascular necrosis, you may need to use crutches to keep weight off your joint for one to three months.
Exercises
Certain exercises may help you maintain or improve the range of motion in your joint. A physical therapist can choose exercises specifically for your condition and teach you how to do them.
Electrical stimulation
Electrical currents may encourage your body to grow new bone to replace the area damaged by avascular necrosis. Electrical stimulation can be used during surgery and applied directly to the damaged area. Or it can be administered through electrodes attached to your skin.
Surgery
Surgical procedures for people with avascular necrosis include:
* Core decompression. In this operation, your surgeon removes part of the inner layer of your bone. This relieves pressure within your bone, reducing your pain. The extra space allows your bone to form new blood vessels and stimulate the production of new bone. Core decompression works best in people with early-stage avascular necrosis.
* Bone reshaping (osteotomy). This procedure reshapes the bone to reduce the amount of stress placed on the area affected by avascular necrosis. Osteotomy is usually used in people with advanced avascular necrosis. Recovery may take up to a year.
* Bone transplant (graft). During this procedure, your surgeon takes healthy bone from another part of your body and implants it into the area affected by avascular necrosis. Sometimes this is done in conjunction with a core decompression. Recovery may take six to 12 months. More studies are needed to establish the effectives of this treatment for avascular necrosis.
* Joint replacement. If your diseased bone has already collapsed or other treatment options aren't helping, you may need joint replacement surgery (arthroplasty). Joint replacement surgery replaces your joint with an artificial one. It requires months of recovery, including time spent learning to use your new joint.
Because avascular necrosis is a progressive disease, your doctor may start with conservative treatments. As those measures, such as rest, become less effective, you may move to more aggressive treatments, such as surgery.
Definition
Avascular necrosis is death of bone tissue due to a lack of blood supply. This can lead to tiny breaks in the bone and the bone's eventual collapse. Avascular necrosis most often affects the head of the thighbone (femur), causing hip pain. But it may affect other bones as well.
Blood supply to the bone can be impaired for a number of reasons, including injuries. Avascular necrosis is also associated with long-term use of steroid medications. Can be caused by lupus, other diseases and alcoholism. Your doctor might use other terms to describe avascular necrosis, such as osteonecrosis, aseptic necrosis or ischemic bone necrosis.
Avascular necrosis is progressive, meaning it worsens with time. Managing the condition is a lifelong process.
Symptoms
Avascular necrosis may cause no signs or symptoms. But some people experience pain or a loss of range of motion in the affected joint. Where you experience pain depends on where the avascular necrosis occurs. For instance:
* Avascular necrosis of the hip may cause pain in your groin. Pain may radiate down your thigh to your knee. Pain is usually worse when standing or walking.
* Avascular necrosis of the wrist may cause wrist pain and finger weakness. You might feel less pain when you keep your hand still. The wrist bones most commonly associated with avascular necrosis include the lunate (Kienbock disease) and the scaphoid (Preiser disease).
* Avascular necrosis of the knee causes knee pain. The bone most commonly affected is the lower end of the thighbone (femur).
* Avascular necrosis of the shoulder usually involves the head of your upper arm bone (humerus). Pain and stiffness are common.
Avascular necrosis may also develop in the bones of your foot, ankle, spine and jaw.
Tests and diagnosis
To determine what's causing your pain, your doctor will ask about your medical history and your current signs and symptoms. He or she will likely want to know what actions increase your pain and what relieves it.
In order to diagnose avascular necrosis, your doctor may request images be taken to get a closer look at your bones. Common tests for avascular necrosis include:
* X-rays. X-rays usually appear normal in people who have early-stage avascular necrosis. Later stages may be more evident on an X-ray.
* Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). MRI scans can show early changes in the bone that may indicate avascular necrosis.
Depending on your signs and symptoms, your doctor may use other tests to diagnose avascular necrosis. In rare cases, your doctor may surgically remove a small piece of bone (biopsy) for laboratory examination.
Complications
Avascular necrosis that goes untreated will continue causing deterioration of the bone. Eventually the bone may become weakened enough that it collapses, causing pain and disability. Letting your avascular necrosis go untreated could lead to severe pain and loss of movement within two to five years.
Treatments and drugs
The goal of avascular necrosis treatment is to prevent further bone loss. What treatment you receive depends on the amount of bone damage you already have. Early stages of avascular necrosis may benefit from more conservative treatment, while later stages may require surgery.
Medications
Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) can relieve pain caused by avascular necrosis. Examples of NSAIDs include aspirin and ibuprofen.
Bisphosphonate medications, such as alendronate (Fosamax), also may play a role in the treatment of this disease. In some studies of people with avascular necrosis affecting the ball portion of the hip joint (femoral head), bisphosphonates appeared to slow the progression of the disease and reduce pain. More research is needed before doctors can make a strong recommendation about the use of bisphosphonates in the treatment of avascular necrosis.
Rest
Reducing the amount of weight and stress on your affected bone may slow the damage of avascular necrosis. You may need to restrict the amount of physical activity you engage in. In the case of hip or knee avascular necrosis, you may need to use crutches to keep weight off your joint for one to three months.
Exercises
Certain exercises may help you maintain or improve the range of motion in your joint. A physical therapist can choose exercises specifically for your condition and teach you how to do them.
Electrical stimulation
Electrical currents may encourage your body to grow new bone to replace the area damaged by avascular necrosis. Electrical stimulation can be used during surgery and applied directly to the damaged area. Or it can be administered through electrodes attached to your skin.
Surgery
Surgical procedures for people with avascular necrosis include:
* Core decompression. In this operation, your surgeon removes part of the inner layer of your bone. This relieves pressure within your bone, reducing your pain. The extra space allows your bone to form new blood vessels and stimulate the production of new bone. Core decompression works best in people with early-stage avascular necrosis.
* Bone reshaping (osteotomy). This procedure reshapes the bone to reduce the amount of stress placed on the area affected by avascular necrosis. Osteotomy is usually used in people with advanced avascular necrosis. Recovery may take up to a year.
* Bone transplant (graft). During this procedure, your surgeon takes healthy bone from another part of your body and implants it into the area affected by avascular necrosis. Sometimes this is done in conjunction with a core decompression. Recovery may take six to 12 months. More studies are needed to establish the effectives of this treatment for avascular necrosis.
* Joint replacement. If your diseased bone has already collapsed or other treatment options aren't helping, you may need joint replacement surgery (arthroplasty). Joint replacement surgery replaces your joint with an artificial one. It requires months of recovery, including time spent learning to use your new joint.
Because avascular necrosis is a progressive disease, your doctor may start with conservative treatments. As those measures, such as rest, become less effective, you may move to more aggressive treatments, such as surgery.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Butterfly Walk August 10...press release
July 17, 2008 Media contact: Laura Drouillard
E-mail: ljdrou@umich.edu
Phone: 734-764-2220
Butterfly walk to raise funds for lupus research
Aug. 10 family event will benefit Amster Lupus Research Fund
1 of 2
Learn more:
Amster Lupus Butterfly Walk
July 17, 2008 Media contact: Laura Drouillard
E-mail: ljdrou@umich.edu
Phone: 734-764-2220
Butterfly walk to raise funds for lupus research
ANN ARBOR, MI — Just 11 years after her mother had died from complications related to lupus, Angela Madaras received a diagnosis of the same disease. She was only a senior in high school at the time. After being rushed to a North Carolina hospital for a life-threatening episode involving kidney failure, hepatitis, seizures, pneumonia and vasculitis that put her in a coma for a week, she decided to come to the University of Michigan Health System for treatment.
Twenty-three years after her initial diagnosis, Madaras now resides in Ann Arbor, where she participates in research studies at U-M’s Lupus Clinic. While she still experiences symptoms of lupus and the long-term effects of treatments, Madaras says that the care she has received from U-M has given her the strength to give back to others who have been affected by the disease; she has made it her personal mission to contribute to the search for a cure.
“It has been 50 years since the FDA [Food and Drug Administration] approved a new treatment specifically for lupus. By volunteering and participating in trials, research studies and advocating that Congress pass certain legislation, I see my experience as a way to change the future for others,” Madaras explains.
One way that Madaras feels she is making a difference is through her participation in the annual Amster Lupus Butterfly Walk. The event—which was created in 2002 by longtime friends Linda LeFevre, a lupus patient at U-M, and Renee McKay, who has a sister with lupus— donates all of its proceeds to the Amster Lupus Research Fund. The fund, started by Herbert and Carol Amster, financially supports clinical research for lupus. To date, this community event has raised more than $150,000.
Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) is a chronic autoimmune disease that can affect every major organ system— including the kidneys, heart, brain, musculoskeletal, lungs and skin— among males and females of all ages and ethnic origins. Because lupus is an autoimmune disorder, the immune system mistakenly attacks the body’s own tissue and organs. Today, lupus affects more than one million people in the United States— including more than 9,000 people in Michigan alone. The exact cause of lupus is not known, and a cure has not been found.
The two-mile Amster Lupus Butterfly Walk will be held on Sunday, Aug. 10 at Civic Center Park, on Hall Road in Woodhaven in Wayne County. Registration begins at 10 a.m., and the walk will start at 11:30 a.m., rain or shine. A pancake breakfast will be held during the registration time. Registration is $15 per person or $50 for a team of four members. Team Sponsorship and Corporate Sponsorship opportunities are available until Aug. 5.
For more information about lupus, event registration or how to donate, call (734) 671-2367 or (248) 582-2727, e-mail butterflies@wowway.com or visit www.amsterlupus.org.
To learn more about the Lupus Program at U-M, please visit:
http://www.med.umich.edu/lupus/index.htm
To make a contribution:
Please mail your contributions (checks payable to the University of Michigan with “Amster Lupus Butterfly Walk” in memo line) to:
National City Bank
Re: Routing #RJ2SC9
400 West Fourth Street
Royal Oak, MI 48067
rivacy Statement
E-mail: ljdrou@umich.edu
Phone: 734-764-2220
Butterfly walk to raise funds for lupus research
Aug. 10 family event will benefit Amster Lupus Research Fund
1 of 2
Learn more:
Amster Lupus Butterfly Walk
July 17, 2008 Media contact: Laura Drouillard
E-mail: ljdrou@umich.edu
Phone: 734-764-2220
Butterfly walk to raise funds for lupus research
ANN ARBOR, MI — Just 11 years after her mother had died from complications related to lupus, Angela Madaras received a diagnosis of the same disease. She was only a senior in high school at the time. After being rushed to a North Carolina hospital for a life-threatening episode involving kidney failure, hepatitis, seizures, pneumonia and vasculitis that put her in a coma for a week, she decided to come to the University of Michigan Health System for treatment.
Twenty-three years after her initial diagnosis, Madaras now resides in Ann Arbor, where she participates in research studies at U-M’s Lupus Clinic. While she still experiences symptoms of lupus and the long-term effects of treatments, Madaras says that the care she has received from U-M has given her the strength to give back to others who have been affected by the disease; she has made it her personal mission to contribute to the search for a cure.
“It has been 50 years since the FDA [Food and Drug Administration] approved a new treatment specifically for lupus. By volunteering and participating in trials, research studies and advocating that Congress pass certain legislation, I see my experience as a way to change the future for others,” Madaras explains.
One way that Madaras feels she is making a difference is through her participation in the annual Amster Lupus Butterfly Walk. The event—which was created in 2002 by longtime friends Linda LeFevre, a lupus patient at U-M, and Renee McKay, who has a sister with lupus— donates all of its proceeds to the Amster Lupus Research Fund. The fund, started by Herbert and Carol Amster, financially supports clinical research for lupus. To date, this community event has raised more than $150,000.
Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) is a chronic autoimmune disease that can affect every major organ system— including the kidneys, heart, brain, musculoskeletal, lungs and skin— among males and females of all ages and ethnic origins. Because lupus is an autoimmune disorder, the immune system mistakenly attacks the body’s own tissue and organs. Today, lupus affects more than one million people in the United States— including more than 9,000 people in Michigan alone. The exact cause of lupus is not known, and a cure has not been found.
The two-mile Amster Lupus Butterfly Walk will be held on Sunday, Aug. 10 at Civic Center Park, on Hall Road in Woodhaven in Wayne County. Registration begins at 10 a.m., and the walk will start at 11:30 a.m., rain or shine. A pancake breakfast will be held during the registration time. Registration is $15 per person or $50 for a team of four members. Team Sponsorship and Corporate Sponsorship opportunities are available until Aug. 5.
For more information about lupus, event registration or how to donate, call (734) 671-2367 or (248) 582-2727, e-mail butterflies@wowway.com or visit www.amsterlupus.org.
To learn more about the Lupus Program at U-M, please visit:
http://www.med.umich.edu/lupus/index.htm
To make a contribution:
Please mail your contributions (checks payable to the University of Michigan with “Amster Lupus Butterfly Walk” in memo line) to:
National City Bank
Re: Routing #RJ2SC9
400 West Fourth Street
Royal Oak, MI 48067
rivacy Statement
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Flying Again?
My friend took me up for a flight in his four seater, Tiger. It was great. I had so much fun it was wonderful seeing the area from the air. I miss hang gliding and feel so blessed to have had that gift of flight. The mountains are lush a green and I was pleasantly surprised it did not look as developed as I imagined. It seems most of the growth is downtown. Urban sprawl might be quelled for a little while but it is on the rise. It is always refreshing to gain an eagles eye and gain fresh perspective.
I had a great chat with my grandmother the other day who is amazing in her late eighties, Popa 90, and they both still drive and she even goes gambling with friends. I was laughing so hard at her stories which are pretty amazing. She was a Rosie Riveter during the war. My grandfather was on a base in California and when she was 18, before they married, her and a friend took a train across the country from Detroit to California to visit their fellows. The friend stayed and my grandmother trained back herself. What is so funny is her friend ended up throwing my grandmother a wedding shower but instead of the typical she threw a "Mourning" party like a funeral. They had black decor with hanky's for crying and all the fun quarks that accompany a wake. How funny !!! I laughed so hard. It was all in good clean fun. This woman ended up writing many books on rebirth and reincarnation and was on Oprah years back. I read her one book "Return To Marlboro" so many years ago I can barely remember, but my grandmother can remember all these details. She has macular degeneration, diabetes, heart issues, arthritis and high BP which does not seem to take anything away from her humor or spirit. Her last words on the phone before "I love you" was "Keep your finger in the dike", from an old Danish story. I almost peed in my pants. I admire her spirit so much. She carries herself with grace and character we usually forget about in todays society. I like that Moxy.
On a highly personal note (children or prudes step away from the computer)..........hey all you married women; have you had a time keeping the romance alive? Who has not right? Douglas and I have a fabulously beautiful relationship with more laughs than any couple I know, but when I was so sick, it was hard to get it up, so to speak. I mean that on my end with all the meds and surgeries I was not thinking about sex. I slept, ate, slept and messed in the garden. Doug took care of me like a parent would a child with great care which is a great challenge for a lover. Lately that has changed. I am not sure what changed but I can say that opening dialog and being really honest can take you places you never dreamed. It is not about the sex as much as the deepening of a relationship after many years of living with someone and spending so much time together. We know each other inside and out farts and all. For most long term relationships, over ten years anyway, the date nights disappear into movies on DVD with popcorn and PJ's. Champagne turns into boxed wine. A real intimate moment is just that; a moment. The long dates of seduction and foreplay start with and end with a back rub and ben gay. It is not easy keeping it sexy, but we have been able to do so in the midst of all life's challenges. This past reawakening of desire and passion has brought us into a new level of intimacy beyond what we dreamed. I knew we had the best relationship we could ever hope for, but then it keeps getting better. I am reminded that we are blessed. If the scientists call passion a chemical reaction which creates oxytocin and fermones(whatever they are called) then they are missing the point. Love and intimacy are combined to create a lasting bond of trust and honest communication which is the best orgasm truly. Lust is there for certain procreation but when it wears down over the years what kicks is in is even hotter. I am with the sexiest man alive and I know it. That along with the entire package is sexy just as it is. More tips if you are open......not online.
I had a great chat with my grandmother the other day who is amazing in her late eighties, Popa 90, and they both still drive and she even goes gambling with friends. I was laughing so hard at her stories which are pretty amazing. She was a Rosie Riveter during the war. My grandfather was on a base in California and when she was 18, before they married, her and a friend took a train across the country from Detroit to California to visit their fellows. The friend stayed and my grandmother trained back herself. What is so funny is her friend ended up throwing my grandmother a wedding shower but instead of the typical she threw a "Mourning" party like a funeral. They had black decor with hanky's for crying and all the fun quarks that accompany a wake. How funny !!! I laughed so hard. It was all in good clean fun. This woman ended up writing many books on rebirth and reincarnation and was on Oprah years back. I read her one book "Return To Marlboro" so many years ago I can barely remember, but my grandmother can remember all these details. She has macular degeneration, diabetes, heart issues, arthritis and high BP which does not seem to take anything away from her humor or spirit. Her last words on the phone before "I love you" was "Keep your finger in the dike", from an old Danish story. I almost peed in my pants. I admire her spirit so much. She carries herself with grace and character we usually forget about in todays society. I like that Moxy.
On a highly personal note (children or prudes step away from the computer)..........hey all you married women; have you had a time keeping the romance alive? Who has not right? Douglas and I have a fabulously beautiful relationship with more laughs than any couple I know, but when I was so sick, it was hard to get it up, so to speak. I mean that on my end with all the meds and surgeries I was not thinking about sex. I slept, ate, slept and messed in the garden. Doug took care of me like a parent would a child with great care which is a great challenge for a lover. Lately that has changed. I am not sure what changed but I can say that opening dialog and being really honest can take you places you never dreamed. It is not about the sex as much as the deepening of a relationship after many years of living with someone and spending so much time together. We know each other inside and out farts and all. For most long term relationships, over ten years anyway, the date nights disappear into movies on DVD with popcorn and PJ's. Champagne turns into boxed wine. A real intimate moment is just that; a moment. The long dates of seduction and foreplay start with and end with a back rub and ben gay. It is not easy keeping it sexy, but we have been able to do so in the midst of all life's challenges. This past reawakening of desire and passion has brought us into a new level of intimacy beyond what we dreamed. I knew we had the best relationship we could ever hope for, but then it keeps getting better. I am reminded that we are blessed. If the scientists call passion a chemical reaction which creates oxytocin and fermones(whatever they are called) then they are missing the point. Love and intimacy are combined to create a lasting bond of trust and honest communication which is the best orgasm truly. Lust is there for certain procreation but when it wears down over the years what kicks is in is even hotter. I am with the sexiest man alive and I know it. That along with the entire package is sexy just as it is. More tips if you are open......not online.
Monday, June 9, 2008
OK still working on book....coffee talk
I finally see that writing a book is a healing journey that takes many twists and turns into the depths of ones soul. All the hidden treasures and ghosts come screaming out of the closet all at once or in little subtle pieces. Yesterday I took my Sunday afternoon chill out day. From 11:00-4:00 I worked on computer and from 4:00-7:00 I watched Food Channel shows I love, stayed off my sore legs and sipped on some chilled white wine, of course wine goes with food. Then I cooked dinner and watched last half of a movie while Douglas was finishing a long seemingly frustrating day on the computer working. After dinner we sat there watching the nature channel on a Peruvian Tribe and their rites of passage for men when the phone rang. It was Doug's phone and an old friend on the other end inviting he and a few other old dear friends to a lunch, which they do every few years when all are in Asheville. Their connection is deep and spiritually based back during a time before I met Douglas. I was also friends with two of them before I met Douglas as well, but not as close as he was so I would understand why it is important for them to have quality time.
We all have those connections with people in our lives who are like family and during pivotal times which are life changing, these bonds are made that much stronger. I would say this meets those qualifications for Douglas and I totally respect that. I have never been invited to join them though, unless I ask Douglas if I can come, he says yes, but I would not go anyway. It's the ego thing. That little girl inside me just likes being counted or considered and liked. The only girl on the playground playing alone during all those years we moved (just about every two-three years and usually right in the middle of the school year) was starting to pop out and was saying "Hey can I come? am I invited? Someone play with me fast". That's seemingly irrational but hidden deep down inside each and every one of us. Think of being bullied or having kids pick on you when you were young because your name was strange or your teeth were messed up? Or your glasses too big? You know what I am talking about. If you don't then you were either perfect, enlightened or the bully. It's a human thing to want to be part of the group, liked, loved and accepted.Most importantly "Understood". I think part of being in a good relationship is being able to express that need even if it seems childish.
The human psyche can be very tricky and will sneak up on you when you least expect it. Hormones? "Don't go there". It is more about peeling the onion and getting to the core of an old hurt possibly from early childhood or sooner? Douglas is a very sensitive man and loves me deeply, so it does not have to do with him directly. I I just want to be included and understood during those moments of "Poor me". Seems so tiny but we are not tiny creatures are we? No ! we are very complicated and even highly emotional at times. Our air waves reflect all the drama of super stars and politicians. I think we love seeing others emotional pain on some level because it makes us feel better about ourselves and we can jump to judge them instead of getting the tree out of our own eye. I want to live in a world where we try to find out "why?" instead of jumping to judge or turning the other direction? Why do we judge, fight,go to war,get jealous, feel superior,abuse people, cheat, lie, steal, have addictions, get angry, commit suicide, throw pity parties, have road rage, act out in any way other than that of love and compassion? If we know the answer to our inner pains we might find compassion, only then can we learn to empathize? Empathy can heal any wound but compassion has to be there to open the door to understanding with no judgment. It is a tall order we must learn in order to heal this world, ourselves, others and the planet. So it is much deeper when truly analyzed. I do think it takes the feminine touch to turn the tide. Our leaders could learn from the mothers and grandmothers.
The ego is the voice behind it all. It is afraid to be hurt, abandoned, unloved, disliked or damaged in any way. So we fly off the handle at a little things when the real big sore is still buried deep inside and bruised. The only way to do that is to keep peeling and keep it real. I chose to heal my inner scars but not at the expense of my mate, friends, strangers and family. No, I want to take the high ground, but still feel safe to express my feelings and be heard without being dismissed. I guess I have lots of work to do. Another day. Off to work on other more timely matters of a Monday. Oh, and men could learn how to listen better too with out trying to fix it or get frustrated with us emotional, powerful females.
We all have those connections with people in our lives who are like family and during pivotal times which are life changing, these bonds are made that much stronger. I would say this meets those qualifications for Douglas and I totally respect that. I have never been invited to join them though, unless I ask Douglas if I can come, he says yes, but I would not go anyway. It's the ego thing. That little girl inside me just likes being counted or considered and liked. The only girl on the playground playing alone during all those years we moved (just about every two-three years and usually right in the middle of the school year) was starting to pop out and was saying "Hey can I come? am I invited? Someone play with me fast". That's seemingly irrational but hidden deep down inside each and every one of us. Think of being bullied or having kids pick on you when you were young because your name was strange or your teeth were messed up? Or your glasses too big? You know what I am talking about. If you don't then you were either perfect, enlightened or the bully. It's a human thing to want to be part of the group, liked, loved and accepted.Most importantly "Understood". I think part of being in a good relationship is being able to express that need even if it seems childish.
The human psyche can be very tricky and will sneak up on you when you least expect it. Hormones? "Don't go there". It is more about peeling the onion and getting to the core of an old hurt possibly from early childhood or sooner? Douglas is a very sensitive man and loves me deeply, so it does not have to do with him directly. I I just want to be included and understood during those moments of "Poor me". Seems so tiny but we are not tiny creatures are we? No ! we are very complicated and even highly emotional at times. Our air waves reflect all the drama of super stars and politicians. I think we love seeing others emotional pain on some level because it makes us feel better about ourselves and we can jump to judge them instead of getting the tree out of our own eye. I want to live in a world where we try to find out "why?" instead of jumping to judge or turning the other direction? Why do we judge, fight,go to war,get jealous, feel superior,abuse people, cheat, lie, steal, have addictions, get angry, commit suicide, throw pity parties, have road rage, act out in any way other than that of love and compassion? If we know the answer to our inner pains we might find compassion, only then can we learn to empathize? Empathy can heal any wound but compassion has to be there to open the door to understanding with no judgment. It is a tall order we must learn in order to heal this world, ourselves, others and the planet. So it is much deeper when truly analyzed. I do think it takes the feminine touch to turn the tide. Our leaders could learn from the mothers and grandmothers.
The ego is the voice behind it all. It is afraid to be hurt, abandoned, unloved, disliked or damaged in any way. So we fly off the handle at a little things when the real big sore is still buried deep inside and bruised. The only way to do that is to keep peeling and keep it real. I chose to heal my inner scars but not at the expense of my mate, friends, strangers and family. No, I want to take the high ground, but still feel safe to express my feelings and be heard without being dismissed. I guess I have lots of work to do. Another day. Off to work on other more timely matters of a Monday. Oh, and men could learn how to listen better too with out trying to fix it or get frustrated with us emotional, powerful females.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
In Honor of My Mother
Today is my moms birthday. She died in 1975 with lupus complications. It is always a challenging day even if I do not remember until the end of the day, I somehow usually feel it in some way or another. Today started out great then I felt stressed by many little things which normally would not get to me. It is one of those days. My sister called me to remind me and to do our ritual 6:00 toast in honor of her. I was so young when she died it feels like a whole life away yet I carry her in my heart everywhere I go every day. I do the work I do with lupus fund raising and awareness for her and others alike. I guess you can say I carry her hope that one day we find a cure and the suffering will end for millions who have auto immune disorders. I sure do miss her though. I remember her constant smile, big blue eyes and soft blond hair, or wig, depending on the time. I can see her walking on the beach in a caftan or Turkish robe and floppy hat looking very chic. Her laugh was infectious and everyone adored her as they should. What an uplifting spirit she was to so many. Amazing to me how those who seem to have the most challenges somehow find a way to lift others up by their good nature, a sweet smile and uplifting attitude. She was one of those people and I will aspire to that as a human all my life. What a challenge. One thing I know for sure is that she was happy and at peace. It is great comfort. "I love you mom".
On a light note........I am gearing up for posting a funny version of my memoir. The first chapter will explain and set up a wild ride of a life. What fun to remember and document ones life. If it never gets published or read at least I will have put it in print and had a good laugh or two and some tears as well. It saves a lot on therapy too. The end result is good as you know. There sure have been a cast of characters. The book is more about the others who helped shape my life than me. Yes that may me you.........
Peace and Health
On a light note........I am gearing up for posting a funny version of my memoir. The first chapter will explain and set up a wild ride of a life. What fun to remember and document ones life. If it never gets published or read at least I will have put it in print and had a good laugh or two and some tears as well. It saves a lot on therapy too. The end result is good as you know. There sure have been a cast of characters. The book is more about the others who helped shape my life than me. Yes that may me you.........
Peace and Health
Monday, June 2, 2008
"Roller Coaster.............Come down"
For those of you who remember the 70's hit from "Kasey and the Sunshine Band" called "Roller Coaster" you will relate to how I feel. I am on steroids once again and flying high on the roller coaster of manic mania. It is truly amazing how this medication can mask the symptoms of a disease and even put it into remission while at the same time create havoc in your body, mind and emotions. Emotionally I am great: that is to say "manic" and happy with energy and lots of mental action in my little brain.........but then I realize I am like a high energy "bunny" with OCD and ADD on speed. I can hardly practice meditation or read a sentence because my mind is in 100 places all at once. The upside, and there is always an upside, is that I get a lot more done while multi tasking and feel pretty damn good. Chatty Kathy comes out to play. I can relate to why I was so hyper active in my earlier years when high doses of steroids were a daily event. I know my sister Martha and old best friend/room-mate Lisa will understand totally because I drove them crazy. The downside is that it is hard to get to sleep or stop the mental chatter, I talk to myself with out realizing it and sometimes it can make me cranky or emotional(not now thank goodness). Douglas came in the kitchen where I was alone cooking and asked who I was talking to.......That's not good. my answer was obvious and "YES" I do answer. That being said it is a wild ride and always interesting.
So "word"...........of caution; when around me now please understand I am slightly off balance and a little like a young woman in her 20's. It will go away as I taper down and eventually get off these roids, But while I am on this wave I will ride it as long as I can because being out of bed with energy and youthfulness feels good, even if I am a little nuts.
So "word"...........of caution; when around me now please understand I am slightly off balance and a little like a young woman in her 20's. It will go away as I taper down and eventually get off these roids, But while I am on this wave I will ride it as long as I can because being out of bed with energy and youthfulness feels good, even if I am a little nuts.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
OK I was Blue.....get over it.
Sometimes when we are blue we feel we need to hide it or share it with the world. Mostly I hide it but yesterday I shared it. I feel OK with that. For anyone uncomfortable; "get over it". You try to live with a chronic illness and pain and see how you like it. Really though I do feel better and it helps to vent. I know too many people who bottle up emotions and I see how they come bursting out in negative and self destructive ways. So free yourself and feel what you feel, and express it somehow with out judgment. Blogs are great ways, but know people are watching.
I have a funny question. Do you woman of my age and older have very close veins? Otherwise known as varicose? Do they bug you? Hurt? Or are they small spider ones which simply reflect your maturity, wisdom and heritage? I had a friend once send me a flyer for a Dr. who removes them and then I read Dr.'s report stating I had them. I asked my husband and another friend and they could not even see them. So I figured it could be a vanity issue. maybe people see things if they are threatening to their own self image? maybe I just focus on what is important or... are they a real health issue? NO........Not if they are tiny, microscopic and almost un-noticeable. Like crows feet, no one notices unless it is an issue for them. Age should be celebrated. Now if you have painful, bulging veins which need to be removed for health reasons and pain; go for it. My X had them so bad he looked like those steroid guys all pumped up and it was a medical issue. Shows those age marks with pride is my motto. Hell, I still have acne so what do I have to complain about.
So I guess I am back to my practical and slightly humorous state for the moment. Next entry is the beginning of my memoirs. After losing them on computer I decided to re-write with a humorous twist. Things I felt should be secret I no longer care to hide. The gloves are off. No names mentioned but stories will be told. Mine. Let me know if you want left out. I may or may not. HEEEEEE. Just kidding. I respect peoples right to privacy and it might not be written as real but as closely based on reality.
Peace out.....Word.......Love
I have a funny question. Do you woman of my age and older have very close veins? Otherwise known as varicose? Do they bug you? Hurt? Or are they small spider ones which simply reflect your maturity, wisdom and heritage? I had a friend once send me a flyer for a Dr. who removes them and then I read Dr.'s report stating I had them. I asked my husband and another friend and they could not even see them. So I figured it could be a vanity issue. maybe people see things if they are threatening to their own self image? maybe I just focus on what is important or... are they a real health issue? NO........Not if they are tiny, microscopic and almost un-noticeable. Like crows feet, no one notices unless it is an issue for them. Age should be celebrated. Now if you have painful, bulging veins which need to be removed for health reasons and pain; go for it. My X had them so bad he looked like those steroid guys all pumped up and it was a medical issue. Shows those age marks with pride is my motto. Hell, I still have acne so what do I have to complain about.
So I guess I am back to my practical and slightly humorous state for the moment. Next entry is the beginning of my memoirs. After losing them on computer I decided to re-write with a humorous twist. Things I felt should be secret I no longer care to hide. The gloves are off. No names mentioned but stories will be told. Mine. Let me know if you want left out. I may or may not. HEEEEEE. Just kidding. I respect peoples right to privacy and it might not be written as real but as closely based on reality.
Peace out.....Word.......Love
Friday, May 23, 2008
ups and downs...whining
Today I want and need to bitch and whine. I have spent two days in bed this past week and feeling very weak,tired and have pain which is a level 5 but for most others it would be much higher. When one is in chronic pain the number system of grading pain levels does not apply, which sends a mixed message to the Dr.'s. They hear a level 3-5 on the particular day you are in clinic and consider it "mild", but what they do not take into consideration is that the pain can go from 3-8 in an hour and when one has a higher tolerance this number is irrelevant. I read the Dr.'s reports and they tell me the lupus is inactive, and thanks to the daily dose of toxic meds which control it, I am "basically" symptom free. What they do not take into effect is the damage and activity I feel no matter what the lab tests show. This has been proven. There are times when labs look terrible but we patients feel great and vise versa. Most days I see our Dr. I do feel OK and I put on my happy face so they do not think I am weak or a whiner. That really irritates people.
So why do I want to bitch and complain? I feel it is harder emotionally with the lupus being virtually inactive, while on a ton of drugs, than it is to be in a full fledged raging flare. At least when I am in a bad flare I can validate how I feel. When I am in limbo and the meds are keeping the activity generally low I feel that Dr.'s and family-friends assume I am well and therefore can go back to normal activity and that all is good. This is not true. Plus the damage that has been caused to bones, skin, kidneys and other organ systems is already done. There is nothing to be done about that. I can not take pain meds, which would make life so much easier, and on the occasion I bite the bullet and do take pain meds I suffer through the hellish side effects, but also realize what it is like to be virtually pain free. I guess even I do not realize how much pain I feel until I numb it. But what is more frustrating is how, even experienced Dr.s, will say I look so healthy and give me a clean bill of health and call my pain or symptoms "Mild"....Mild to who? I have a friend who is a Dr., not practicing, and has lupus. She did not understand what patients went through until she had the disease herself. What a teacher she has been. She knows that Dr.'s really can never fully understand what we patients feel. It may seem mild in comparison to life threatening symptoms, but it is not mild to spend two hours napping daily and at least two days a week in bed, having sleepless nights due to pain, feeling so tired at times I can not walk, all the nasty side effects and damage from toxic drugs and so on. The emotional toll of being in this limbo is worse than facing death. The ironic part is that I want to be seen as healthy but I want my Dr.'s to truly understand and write it down as it is not just report that day I see them but the entire picture. Take the time to acknowledge spikes of pain up to 8-10, sleeplessness, weakness, pain upon doing anything physical, bone decay and pain as a result, missing out on much of life's experiences much of the time and trying to look good and healthy because that is what our society expects. We want and need to be heard and understood not blown off. I have great Dr.'s who I respect and care for, but I still do not feel they understand. They are also victims of insurance and cost effective medicine. They have fifteen minutes to spend with each patient. That is absurd!!!!
I want to be healthy and positive but I also want people to know what I go through so they can empathize a bit. Imagine having the flu your entire life with arthritis and bone loss. Imagine wanting to sleep and forcing yourself to get out in the world with a smile to be a positive role model and to be "normal". Just imagine for a moment then tell me if it is "Mild".
Thanks for listening......whoever reads this. No worries I will be happy and feeling good soon, just let me feel it.
So why do I want to bitch and complain? I feel it is harder emotionally with the lupus being virtually inactive, while on a ton of drugs, than it is to be in a full fledged raging flare. At least when I am in a bad flare I can validate how I feel. When I am in limbo and the meds are keeping the activity generally low I feel that Dr.'s and family-friends assume I am well and therefore can go back to normal activity and that all is good. This is not true. Plus the damage that has been caused to bones, skin, kidneys and other organ systems is already done. There is nothing to be done about that. I can not take pain meds, which would make life so much easier, and on the occasion I bite the bullet and do take pain meds I suffer through the hellish side effects, but also realize what it is like to be virtually pain free. I guess even I do not realize how much pain I feel until I numb it. But what is more frustrating is how, even experienced Dr.s, will say I look so healthy and give me a clean bill of health and call my pain or symptoms "Mild"....Mild to who? I have a friend who is a Dr., not practicing, and has lupus. She did not understand what patients went through until she had the disease herself. What a teacher she has been. She knows that Dr.'s really can never fully understand what we patients feel. It may seem mild in comparison to life threatening symptoms, but it is not mild to spend two hours napping daily and at least two days a week in bed, having sleepless nights due to pain, feeling so tired at times I can not walk, all the nasty side effects and damage from toxic drugs and so on. The emotional toll of being in this limbo is worse than facing death. The ironic part is that I want to be seen as healthy but I want my Dr.'s to truly understand and write it down as it is not just report that day I see them but the entire picture. Take the time to acknowledge spikes of pain up to 8-10, sleeplessness, weakness, pain upon doing anything physical, bone decay and pain as a result, missing out on much of life's experiences much of the time and trying to look good and healthy because that is what our society expects. We want and need to be heard and understood not blown off. I have great Dr.'s who I respect and care for, but I still do not feel they understand. They are also victims of insurance and cost effective medicine. They have fifteen minutes to spend with each patient. That is absurd!!!!
I want to be healthy and positive but I also want people to know what I go through so they can empathize a bit. Imagine having the flu your entire life with arthritis and bone loss. Imagine wanting to sleep and forcing yourself to get out in the world with a smile to be a positive role model and to be "normal". Just imagine for a moment then tell me if it is "Mild".
Thanks for listening......whoever reads this. No worries I will be happy and feeling good soon, just let me feel it.
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