Surgery Count Down

I am counting down the days to surgery. All pre-op appointments are done. Everything looks good and we are moving forward with surgery date February 2nd. I ask you to hold me in your thoughts and prayers for this day and the weeks following. This is the third hip replacement on the left side. Hopefully the last!! Luckily lupus is not active!! Yippie.

I want people to understand lupus can go into remission but the ramifications of side effects from medications and treatments, in addition to the damage created by the disease itself, can be a life long challenge. The importance of funding research is so very important. Lupus is on the rise, as are other auto immune diseases, even with our troops coming home from Iraq. The causes need to be found. The "new" University of Michigan Lupus Program is a big step in this direction and a dream come true for my family. I am blessed to be involved as a patient and as an advocate. This is an exciting time as we get closer to understanding all auto immune disorders. My hat is off to all the devoted researchers and clinicians who give so much of their time and knowledge.

The snow keeps coming! Some say this is the most snow in our area ever during this particular time period. The snow covered Frasier Fur branches are stunning in the sunlight. The little kid in me just loves the snow. I think winter is one of the most peaceful of times. It is a time to go inward and cozy up. It brings families together and opens opportunities to look deep within and quietly reflect . For me this is not a social time but the quiet after the holiday storm. I come out in spring feeling renewed and refreshed for gardening, swimming,kayaking and spending long hours outside in the fresh air. I love how the seasons truly reflect our internal clocks. May your clocks be renewed and your winter be blessed. I will write after surgery and Douglas will be writing updates.

"Super profundo on the eve of your new year"

This is my version of a quote from one of my favorite Indy movies called "The waking life". This movie spoke to a time in my own life when I was obsessed with contemplation, prayer and meditation. The movie was a meditation on contemplative thought in a big way. Douglas and I watched it several times, mostly while I was in the hospital and the lap top movies were my only form of entertainment beyond friends, family and the occasional hospital escapades, which never cease to create a laugh or two. The quote was about how profound can be our "New day" or "New year", as it is, and how we can separate ourselves from our own "pain" or realities and surf the waves of existential philosophy and "ponderings" of ancient wisdom crossed with pop culture. Yeah it is mouth full. It is a way of telling ourselves to accept the unknown future with a sense of profound understanding and insight. This year especially is one in which to look back with a sense of contemplation, while at the same time looking forward with the wisdom we gained from our mistakes or misgivings.

I would like to think of this new year's eve as the beginning of a whole new way of thinking and acting in a society gone crazy. I do not use that word lightly by the way. I turn on the TV or internet and feel disturbed by the craziness I see before me. It is a whole weird life indeed, waking or dreaming. Even listening to my NPR jazz station can bring in sounds of mental illness from all over the globe right into my own living room. It is one filled with hunger, poverty, pain, war, greed, jealousy, corruption, lawlessness, suffering, unnecessary disease, childhood ills, aging sickness, bombings, global warming or cooling, bad vibes, racism, sexism, narcissism, oppression, religious wars, philosophical challenges, moral corruption, nudity, inflation, recession, profanity, political infighting and a whole bag of negative crap. What I need is to see a new year filled with hope and inspiration. I need to feel the sense of sisterly-brotherly love, peace, goodwill towards all, uplifting spirit, prosperity of the soul and all the goodness we know to be contained within the human soul. It is always amazing to me how we each find a way to drift into celebration on the new year instead of drifting inward to our own contemplation of humankind and kindness. hey...........I am all about" The Party" but it shall be tempered with peace, love and kindness. We can all use a little of this right? Is it not what the great masters and prophets teach? Jesus was not kidding about this !!! Compassion and loving thy neighbor goes hand in hand with turning the other cheek. Have we become so myopic we forgot the original lessons? Did Buddha not see the pain in order to over come and change suffering to gratitude? Yes I believe in this. I do know when I forgive and feel kindness in sight of ugliness I feel a better person for the action. It is with this spirit I move forward while gazing back. I offer up a plateful and champagne glass semi full of peace and goodwill towards all human kind-animal kind and planet.

Happy new year !!!!

"Good Job Hubband"

Well my husband did surely surprise me for my 42nd birthday. It was actually for both our birthday and Christmas presents to each other but he arranged it and kept it a secret which was great !! We started out stopping off at a lovely midtown Detroit Historic Inn on Ferry Street, which in the day was the tops, where we could see all the major museums and Center for Creative Design. We then headed over to the Detroit Institute of Art for the Monet to Dali exhibit plus most of permanent exhibitions. Wonderful to see it after they added the renovation. I had not been in years and he wheeled me around in a chair or I wheeled myself. It was wonderful. We ate lunch in their cafeteria and had a glass of wine before retiring to our room for a short nap and classical music. Very cozy. The driver took us to MGM Grand where we spent the night gambling and people watching, had dinner and were picked up before we turned into pumpkins. They served us breakfast the next morning, which was really good, then we toured around a bit and had one final spin at roulette. What fun !!! Detroit might make it after all. If the weather was nicer we would have stayed for the Eastern Market and Greek Town, but the snow was melting, raining, windy and foggy so we headed home in afternoon and it was 58 degrees. Amazing. last night we were kept awake by power outages, high winds and lots of noise. Dad and Mary still do not have power.

I am pooped from the holidays !! Today is rest day and maybe tomorrow as well. Busy week ahead and it is a perfect rainy day to sleep and read.

Happy New Year to You All!!

"The snow it keeps "a comin"

The snow is not coming down at an inch an hour but it is coming down pretty darn fast. We love it. I just spoke to my grandma in Detroit to tell her we would not be driving to visit until after the storm because there are too many wrecks and she made a comment about how horrible the weather was and I said "Oh but it is so beautiful." Her reply.."I am over it". I guess after 86 years I would be too. I cleared off our cement Buddha and put a wreath at his belly, which is covered by snow. The birds like to sit on his head and poop. Have to keep him clean and in the Christmas spirit and the birdies happy. There are two red headed wood peckers now which are lovely !

I visited with a few girlfriends last night and had a wonderful time. It is so sweet to have small get togethers with gals pals and enjoy a few laughs,good food and conversation. I feel the holiday spirit more so now. I was feeling like a bad cold was moving into my head but I think it is just the wood stove and dryness. It has been cranking out the heat. Our humidifier tank needs replacing and they do not make the part anymore so we just put a pot of water on the wood stove and let it boil. Poor Doogie has to sit right by it because it is in his office. I go down there and sweat my butt off and come into my office-studio and freeze. Oiu!

I still do not know what Doug's surprise birthday "get away" is and I am shocked I have not figured it out yet. The big give away will be when he goes to pack for me. It is only a night or two away so it can not be too far from home. I hope we are able to drive. If not we will be snug at home. Either way is fine by me. dad is making Christmas dinner and he can pick us up in the big truck if it's too icy.

The hospital is having a pre-walk fund raising and Lupus Program meeting January 5th for our committee to start off the new year on the right foot. It will be nice to get a head start for the walk this year. I will be here and will be able to do more too. I was very bad about getting out all my invitations due to our being in Asheville until two weeks before the walk. It was still great. The research is exciting and I should have an update after January 5th when we meet. I hope it involves better treatment options and that we are getting closer to a cure. I am still so pissed that steroids are the main option considering all the bone loss I and others have experienced and continue to experience. At least I am able so far to move about. I know others who can not. We are trying to plan a spring event too in Ann Arbor. With funds tight we have to do smaller events and more regular to keep it affordable and in the news. Many businesses are doing more to help charities now too. One local shoe store has a girl's night out party. You can invite your friends-family to the store where they provide bubbly and appetizers donated by local restaurants and a percentage a shoe sales go to the charity while raising awareness and having fun. It helps us support local business too ! Another restaurant has Thursday Night Chef Wine Tastings and donates $5.00 a head to your charity. Both are no brainer events to plan. Consider doing something for your favorite charity in your town.

Well I have rambled enough today. No new news just a short chat before the big day. If I do not speak to you directly please know we send our love and blessings for a very happy holiday and new year. may peace, prosperity and good health fill your home and heart....and don't forget those who have less..

The Big 10 Snow

It is so lovely here today. We woke up to sun after days of clouds and flurries plus a snow storm yesterday which was long and deep. I think we have about 10 inches total from last weeks snow and yesterdays. Not sure? It looks very deep. Last night around 9 pm the snow plows came by and cleared the drive with enough room now to park a few school buses, but hey, at least I can drive to the store for.........well what else? wine. It is a snowed-in/fire place kind of weekend. Tonight a second blast of a couple more inches will really tuck us in nicely. We missed a Christmas party last night and may miss one tonight in Detroit. I really do not want to miss it but the drive home could be strange and dangerous. Tomorrow I am supposed to go to my friend Gary's to smoke two ducks and a chicken. It should be fun. They are soaking in brine.

My grandfather is doing great after his first week post knee replacement. He is actually able to come home for the day from the rehab. I am so glad he is doing extremely well. This is hopeful. My other grandfather is doing better too after months of thinking he was leaving us. He still sleeps all day and does not eat much but my grandmother is happy she has her man.

I am feeling a little nervous about surgery and trying to decide if I have made the right decision. I am supposed to have left hip revised in February but I wonder if I should do my knees first??? I can decide for myself but I feel I need guidance. Unfortunately I have to decide for myself. Dr's can not offer their opinion in this case only offer the facts and let me make the decision. Then sometimes I wonder if I should just not do anything yet since Douglas will be in NC post surgery and i will have to depend on others. If you know me well you will know I do not do the dependent thing very well. I can see me walking up and down the stairs on crutches with a backpack of laundry. Or shoveling the last snow of the season from my wheelchair. I guess part of me wants all joint-bone replacements to be over and the other part of me wants to bury my head in a pillow of denial and hold off until I am forced. It should be an easy decision, but doing it alone makes it tough. Asking for help worse. I never said I was good in that area only better than I used to be. The decision will be made by February 2nd.

Well back to listening to "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me" on NPR. If you never listen to it try it a couple times. It is great for humor and news information of the week.11:00 am Saturday mornings.

Tiz the season for giving to those who need it most

http://www.strength.org/

You can go to Share Our Strength web site and donate $35.00 to feed one child 3 meals a day for a month. Or donate more to feed more or volunteer. Organize a dining-out event or bake sale. Every little bit helps.

Another one of my favorite organizations is the Hiefer Foundation My family has been donating chickens and other livestock to this wonderful organization instead of giving each other gifts. Not only do they give the animals they also teach the families, especially women, how to make money from say goats milk or eggs. Then the receiving family must donate or gift some of their animals to a needy neighbor or family member and teach them. The animals feed the families and help them earn an income in impoverished areas.

"Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him to fish and he eats for life".

What is a life well lived?

What is a life well lived? This question has plagued me for my entire life. I wonder what whomever first ppondered this question actually meant and what was their answer. I also consider all the people in the world who have a unique view with which to answer this timeless question. You read people's epitaph and it says "They led a life well lived" or you see a movie titled " A life well lived". But what exactly is the measurement for this? It is subjective, of course, but there must be some tools with which to measure whether or not someone had a life which was wasted or one which seemed to be a total success? I ponder this only in the sense I do not want to let time pass with no sense of accomplishment. I certainly do not mean that by a measurement of regular ways and means. I want to say I feel successful in a well lived life if I made someone happy, touched people or inspired them in some way, acknowledged those who inspired and taught me, spent my time somewhat useful, helped my fellow human kind, was good to animals and the planet, lived a life with little foot prints, helped make aware certain issues which needed to be made light filled, "helped many someones in need and accepted help when I was in need, educated myself well, experimented with everything and did everything I wanted to do which caused no harm, traveled as much as possible to learn other cultures and ways, saw beauty in all of life, expressed my feelings in positive ways to those whom I love, loved and cared for my self and this body which is such an amazing gift, spent time with those I love and even strangers and tried to be the best possible person I could be in light of all challenges, speak the truth no matter how hard it may be while knowing when to stay silent, taken time to stop and watch the sunset-moon rise-plant blossom etc., read well, listened well, shared, expanded my sense of comfort, took chances and dared to be myself. There is so much more. The most important of all is that I know for sure I have had a life filled with joy and have spent my life offering compassion and joy. How great and wondrous is that? While many of my cohorts were trying to gain professional success, riches, rewards, fame and fortune I passed it up for experience and other seemingly less important tasks. I guess I never saw the joy in driving an expensive car, wear a fur coat or have my name flashed on the pages of Who's Who". Not that I would turn away from the idea but it was not a marker for me to which to move toward.

Some say it is a blessing and a gift to have a chronic-life threatening illness. I agree !! It really forces one to examine a life which in the past was less examined. It saved my life to be quite frank. I was not moving in a direction I would consider to be successful or fulfilling in the ways which are of importance now. What a process though. This to be continued !!!!!

What a week...photo taken only a month ago

This week carried with it many landmarks and other activities. First off my Sister turned 50 years young. She went kicking and screaming into a new era but her wonderful husband managed to pull off a seamless surprise party. She was completely shocked that he and 75 others were able to keep this a top secret event. When she opened her front door Saturday, after hearing a knock and expecting some immediate family members, she was greeted by 73 friends and family from near and far standing in her yard-drive like the Verizon network. People flew, drove and walked from all over who represented many periods in her life from early child hood to college to present times. I only wish Douglas and I had been there to see her face. The biggest surprise of all was when our eldest brother showed up from England and no one knew. How cool is that?

Second event was that my grandfather, who I also call dad, got his knee replaced on Thursday. He is doing fabulously and is very happy to have this done. He is such an inspiration in so many ways, but especially his youthfulness in his 80's and his rock solid mental capacity. Good genes for sure.

My father turned 61 years old on Wednesday and we planned a dinner at our house which he was unfortunately unable to make. The dinner was an amazing foodie event of gastronomical proportions, which went on for hours. We ate freshly plucked smoked pheasant and duck, fish pate',homemade Hartak (Finnish crackers),fresh baked bread,beef tips with horseradish sauce, lamb-pork-spinach lasagna, Caesar Salad, a beautiful fish-veggie-olive-salami antipasto platter and a triple layer chocolate cream filled cake with sour cream frosting. I am still stuffed and gained at least a pound. It was fun to spend time with my dads old pals who are more like family.

Also, Douglas' sister Paula had a birthday in Tennessee. Happy birthday to her !!!

Doug went to Texas for a project meeting on which he will be working through may in Asheville. The owner and architect live in Dallas. This project will be another fun and creative one. I will let you know more later. We are happy for the work!!! He does not leave for NC until late February after my hip replacement revision.

Yes yet another one. This makes 3 on left side. The socket is loose and causing pain and mechanical issues. I will be thrilled to get it done and then on to replacing both knees. I may need left shoulder replaced eventually. Bionic does not even come close.But lupus is under control and I am full of myself and feeling pretty good with much rest and relaxation as I am trying to stay off legs. I have regular PT still... forever probably,which is great for me. Claudia is my PT from Germany and is excellent at her job and I really like her as a friend. It is rare to truly feel a friendship-kinship with a therapist or health care worker. There is a professional distance they usually keep. Claudia is not this type of person. Again I am blessed.

I had a mole removed and biopsied which looked suspicious but was just irritated and no skin cancer for me thank goodness. I am happy to have good test results.

I also have the good fortune of having a friends horse boarded across the street who needs a little attention and loving. I am able to go over, with Doug, and spend time with the horses. Bart is her guys name and he is a 17 hand chestnut with two left white socks and a star. He reminds me of my first horse Huckleberry Finn. Huck was 16 hands...still big. Bart and I are in the "getting to know one another" stage. I have not been around horses in a while. What a treat !! Thank you Dale for this opportunity. It's nice to have him so close and to meet another neighbor too.

All in all with the economy,snowy-cold-icy holiday weather and political challenges, both here and abroad,it has been a hopeful week. I see a slight change for the positive happening in peoples attitudes and in social responsibility coming from people and corporations who finally understand the need for the world to come together to do good things for the planet and it's inhabitants. What tends to come with challenging times is a group mentality for a common good. Sure we see greed with a vibrant clarity as it is uncovered and hedged out of the crevices of those minds who need to be put to task and held responsible. Philanthropy and volunteer-ism becomes more important and prolific as funds are decreasing. Families spend more time together at home talking, playing games, being creative, watching movies with pop corn and simply being together for meals. Instead of buying expensive gifts and sending tons of paper cards we see a trend of email cards, web cam greetings, phone calls and Skype calls with the ability to talk to family-friends out of country or in the armed services for free. Home made gifts made with love are so much more important than a cheap "made in China" plastic throw away toy. I love to receive and to give food made with love, fresh wreaths, flowers, home made candles and soaps etc.

Mary, my step mom, and I went to whole foods last week to shop for her families food basket and stocking stuffers for the holidays. This is the second Whole Foods in A2 and is right down the street! They have a wine bar and sushi bar with all kinds of other food stations. You can actually drink wine while shopping or take a load off, munch on good food and sip flights of wine and Michigan cheese after your shopping adventure. It was a wonderful way to shop. If you are in A2 check it out.

Tiz the season to share with those who have less. I see a world in which we can live in peace and harmony with simple needs and humble hearts. Perhaps we should head that lesson all the time as opposed to filling out our own wish lists and checking it twice. I feel very grateful!!

Food Nation

We have entered a Foodie Revolution. I love it !! I always have felt food was at the heart of the family and now I see it finally playing out in most homes all over the US. I think it has been this way around the world but we here in the states have been in fast food heaven or hell for way too long. Families forgot how to eat after the invention and popularization of frozen TV dinners, "drive-up windows", take outs and microwaves. Computers sit on dining tables instead of plates and people are usually watching their TV while eating prepared and over processed foods. recently I have seen this change. Maybe it is still the same for most families struggling with schedules and finances but I hear more conversations about food and the meals people will prepare. I see the Food Channel as a huge gift into the hearts and hearths of America. It is teaching us how to begin a foodie lifestyle which encompasses more than just filling our bellies. It is a holistic approach to food. We think about what we are making and where the food came from. We carefully plan our meals, find recipes, clip coupons, shop, consider local-organic options and we even read labels. Then we bring our hunting-gathering gifts home to be unwrapped and prepared with a sense of love and gratitude. We may even pretend we are a food star. I can see this revolution being a spiritual journey as well as gastronomic.

I can remember how my family would get dressed up for dinner when I was young and our mouths would begin to salivate the closer the hour came. Everyone would share in conversation about their days adventures and we would pass food and feel a sense of unity. It was a time to connect to our own selves as well as the family as a whole. It was then i knew I had a higher purpose in the kitchen. I am one of those people who thinks about gardening, harvesting, preparing and eating food all the time. I should weigh 300 pounds but I also consider the art of eating slowly and chewing each morsel as if it were the last meal. I read about food and the environment and seek local farmers and growers. I love to attend the farmers market with my cotton totes and lists in hand. I stop by the farm near our home for the best fresh eggs in town and all this for simple survival? No, it is an art form and a way of life. I see this as a conscious way of living and being with our environment and community. It also nurtures our spirits in a deeper way than we realize.

The greatest pleasure I get is seeing people smile after a meal I have lovingly prepared. I remember cooking at restaurants and seeing the folks in the dining room or deli counter smiling ear to ear and rubbing their Buddha Bellies with sheer bliss and the memories of donating freshly baked bread to the homeless shelter and the looks on the faces of people who were being served hot home cooked meals come flooding back into my brain. What a joy !!! and what a wonderful time to contemplate these small acts of giving. Thanksgiving is the beginning of a month long food fest and I will enjoy every tiny bite !!!

My sweet man and I at an outdoor sculpture garden in Asheville

I want to share a little about the man who has been walking next to me for 15 years. He is my handsome and wonderful husband with too many good attributes to mention. I want to share this because I see so many married couples get lost in a sea of apathy and "non-relations". As we approach Thanksgiving, which everyone who knows me knows this is my very favorite holiday. I consider all the years we have celebrated and opened our home to friends, family and strangers who did not have family with which to celebrate, or could not go home for the weekend. The past two years we have been unable to do this. I feel a great loss because I am a "giver", but I feel blessed to be with my loved one no matter where we eat. We spent a fabulous Thanksgiving last yea, and will spend this year with our great friends Kitty and Steven at their home. They, like us, have been a family hub for those during this wonderful holiday. They have friends over who share food, laughs, libations and great conversation mixed with a bit of football. It is something we treasure as this has started a new tradition after we visit a few family members in Detroit area earlier in the day. I look forward to a time when we are able to extend ourselves, home and food to others like we did in years past, but I also feel very lucky to be treated by my dear friends-family with my fabulous and much loved husband. Did I mention he is handsome? Pictures tell all. Truth being: "The heart is more real and stronger than the outside visual; and I am a lucky gal in so many ways". I never take advantage of this reality. If I have not told you how blessed I feel. now you know. I am most thankful.

May your upcoming holiday be filled with love and blessings realized. Then share it on the following Friday for the first "National day of listening". Listen to a loved a one, friend or stranger. Let them tell you how they feel or their story. It might fill you with a greater sense of gratefulness. I will be glad to bedn your ear...hahaha.

What an exciting time in history !

President Elect Barack Obama, our first president of color. What an amazing giant step forward for people all over the world, not just of color, but of all walks of life. It was a tear filled moment for many people. Even those who did not vote for him were touched and filled with a new spirit of unity and hope for future generations. I am sure there are those who feel, for lack of better words,disdain, but I have seen and heard those folks for years and finally they are the minority. For those of you with faith in God, some prayers were answered. If you believe in God you know his prayers are always answered so you can take comfort in that. I on the other hand take comfort knowing my nieces will have more hope for their futures and will finally see themselves mirrored through the lovely two little girls who will now occupy the Executive Home. (no jokes about that).

I watched the TV viewing of his humble and calm speech given around 11:30 pm at Grant Park in Chicago as a quarter million people stared glossy eyed upon the stage with a sense of calm and peace, pre-celebration, which lasted for days. I went to bed after a small victory dance, a big cry and lots of hoots and hollers. The next day was an equally uplifting and surreal day where I felt the shadow of darkness some placed over the election lifted and a new day had indeed begun. I had energy and felt like I could do anything. I raked leaves for half and hour. (that is huge for me now). I even wore shorts due to high temps. It was a sunny sky day in blue clouded bliss. I have my yard sign, buttons, sticker and all the memorabilia I could save to share with my nieces and nephews kids and Doug's sons children when they are old enough to understand(if they have kids). Wow !!!!! I am also equally glad the venomous puss spewing out of a certain woman's mouth will no longer be on the air waves, at least as a VP running mate. She can go back to her independent state where felons can get elected. I do not like hateful people or people who encourage acts of violence and kill wolves from helicopters. Bless her family though, I am sure she is a handful. McCain was very admirable in his speech and he is a good man who will continue to do good work as a public servant.

Health is good lupus wise. Bones still a big issue. The left hip socket is loosening to the point we may need to replace it for the third time. It is a charm I hope, and the two knees will need replacing soon after. I am ready to get back on my feet again. I have been mobile but not really. It is easy to move about the house and do some walking at grocery store or to appointments but with much pain and limps. The AVN being as progressive and incurable as it is, is most disturbing. It can hopefully be taken care of with more surgeries and I look forward to a day when I can ride a bike again and dance. Heck! I would settle for a long walk in the woods with my main man. More on bones later.

Basking in the glory !!! Snow tomorrow and leaves they have a fallen.

Health is good, joy is now

I am very happy to report a good feeling about health situation. I have had little lupus effects on the current regimen and I am in a lot less pain. I have more energy and feel like I am bouncing back. I know that sounds so "wishful thinking" but it is a good feeling to feel healthier and stronger. I can tell when things are getting better and healing is happening deep inside my cells. I know I have to stick to a certain routine and keep on top of PT and all the things which bring my body much happiness. I also count my blessings every day I live here and not in the Congo or Iraq. We are so blessed to be living in a place where we are fed, clothed, loved, warm and dry, Doug and I. For those who are not I am sad, but I must focus on positive things in our control. We all should try to do that if possible. This is a great place to be metaphorically speaking.

I do hope those of you reading this are well and happy. I would love to know who is reading this blog and tell me what's new with your life. I guess I write this more for me than anyone else at this point. It is a journal and sometimes I ramble. We all need an outlet. It is my way of reaching out as well. So reach back if you get a chance !!!
I won't bite.....not hard anyway...........Peace

Where does the time go during election times?

Douglas and I have been back in Ann Arbor for almost three months and it seems like yesterday. It has been a challenging time and I feel almost as if the world has turned upside down. Politics and economy weigh heavy on our minds and we feel it in all aspects of our lives. I am almost afraid to look at the news or our bank account yet I know we have to keep abreast of the situation. I will be happy when the elections are over(with Obama as president) and we can all sit back with a hot beverage and watch Canada from our very own back yard !! The Bush years will go down in history as the worst 8 years in American politics, I hope there is not more of the same. It looks like it will be behind us and we can move forward in a new light. I am also with trust our financial situation in the world will get better. It is a stress everyone feels, unless you are a Bill Gates or Oprah. The degree to which we feel it is up for debate. The point is that we are in a time of upset and it has us all in knots, no matter how we vote.

A brighter future ahead !!! November 4 get out and vote. It is your voice and your right as an adult American Citizen............as long as it is an educated vote. Study the facts and know the truth not just the mud slinging pseudo facts we hear on TV or in those nasty phone calls from computer driven messages. That's all I have to say about that. Just make sure you do vote.

Harvest moon-Indian summer

October Harvest Moon and 70 degrees outside the painted leaf sky. Dapples of orange kiss red tinged kites falling to damp earth. Wind blows in another land today and silence holds it's breath for a wet night. Long sleep wetness in the dawn of cold to come. Down roots grow searching the urges of spring unknown. Chimney sweeps into a new time of anxious voters and holiday cheers. Drink up the sun until you are silly for the cold winter will hangover a long nights sleep.

Popa

There are no words to express how sad it has been to watch my grandparents get old. Last few days my 92 year old Popa has been teetering on that fine line between life and death. His pride stripped away with his basic faculties. He used to be a big hulk of a man, tough, rough and had the mouth of a sailor and then some. This Detroit boy was raised old world German, played the violin in The Detroit Youth Symphony, watched the Tigers from outside the fence and road the trolley to work at a young age. He speaks of WW II as if it were yesterday. His hands are deeply ridged and scared from years in the motor glass industry. His garden which once fed the family is now a pile of compost and stray flowers my aunt planted years ago. His cabin locked up for now. His new truck sitting in the drive with a few hundred miles after only a year. With the walkers help he fixes his oatmeal on bent bones, reads the paper, turns his hearing aide up or off, smokes a "cig", sits on the porch hoping an old friend will walk by, then falls asleep in his club chair with the TV on till dinner with few distractions in between. my lovely and sweet 86 year old grandmother, Vera, cares for him with vigilance but is wearing her age and the past year of age related ills. They did not think they would die. Now I wait for the call which says my Popa has passed. Holding my breath. Stranger yet, they just finally drew up their Wishes and Wills. Funny how the time flew by.

My grandmother's parents died one or two days of each other. I fear it will be the same. I have been blessed to have spent quality time with them, helped them go through their old photos, collect data and pick their memories so I am at peace. I see they are not happy in the older version of their younger selves. I see the pain and grief. Why this age? We are born to die yet never think it will come to us. What a tangled web? Now at the end i wish them peace. I also know the end can drag on. Cheers none the less. Preparation is the best medicine for now for grieving must wait.

Thanksgiving is near.It's time to cook.

On cooking and entertaining……

As we would love to experience the ability to spend luxurious days and endless evenings growing, raising, nurturing, harvesting,preparing and sharing our own meals while looking fabulous and staying fit all at once…………;it is an ominous and almost impossible goal for today’s adults, one which I have been blessed to actually attempt and sometimes even pull off successfully. I spent hours growing, planning, executing and enjoying my own creative recipes for myself, husband and loved ones. I even attempted a few careers in the food industry……….It is when money, time and energy inhibit us to experience those old world food values on which we were once raised to follow. Those days are few and far between for us when we actually do plan and create weekly or monthly family meals and those with friends. Few are the meals we prepare and share together with those we love. The one connecting bond families and friends once shared is a challenge for even the most culinary geniuses and multi-taskers.

I consider myself a good gardener and cook with a knack for bringing people together in a moment of bonding and eating. What is missing is the ability to do it fully. Health and economy being the main issues, but all parties involved must also be in sync to pull it off, which is hard with our full lives.It is a challenge I truly aspire to overcome. I aspire to get back to it by following some simple principles I learned along the path to food and fun.

You see I have a basic philosophy: First we find a date on the calendar for the chosen group of people to come together and break bread, sip wine and enjoy one another's company. Then the menu plan ensues based on what is fresh and in season that week or day in the garden and at market. One must be open to adapting recipes when certain foods are not available, perhaps raiding the pantry. Then the right occasion must be matched to the event (holiday, birthday etc) which then sets the theme, location and attire. After invitations are sent and RSVP's received the planning and list making begins. Each person brings one thing to share. There is always one person who is good for store bought flowers, bread, wine or candles, which is equally as desired as a dish, yet I do love it when each person prepares a specialty of their own along with a story behind the cretaion. It is fun to taste little bites of many tasty morsels, share recipes and tricks. It is a strong bond we share.

In order to create that perfect meal I find shopping and budget are most challenging in preparing just the right amount. Inevitably two or three people will cancel at last minute and one person will bring unexpected guests or kids so I plan for a little extra. Then there is the Weather! I have had dinners postponed for two hours due to heavy rain storms. Timing is important too as there are times I have given different times to guests, answering the door in my PJ's with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth or waiting for two hours thinking dinner was 5:00 not 7:00. That is when good advanced prep is a blessing. The pre-made platters of appetizers and bowls of olives and nuts are ready to set out with glasses of wine ready for the pick of the guest. Soup is in crock pot and bread baked earlier in the day. Sometimes dog friends enter in a flurry, tails wagging, wet paws searching for kibble, which I have. After we all finally gather we begin the line to the kitchen. People grab a chair or stand and chat in the kitchen, of course, right where the cook is working while glasses flow with lots of laughs, musical changes and always a sigh mid to end meal when everyone feels full and happily satisfied. On occasion we have been known to experience complete silence. That is good. It is the goal of every home cook and most restaurant chefs; that moment of pure delight and exhalations. When this is attained and everyone is getting along well I can sit back and enjoy watching my husband washing dishes and dishing the dirt after another well planned event pulled off with many hitches. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So plan a holiday dinner with 6-8 friends/family and enjoy the moment when food and relationship come together and celebrate that time old tradition of "Shared Meals". Oh ya...invite us too !!!!

Health world

Sometimes people ask me "How are you?". I guess this Blog is the best way to share how I feel and what is up on the health front. Lately I have been writing more about what is going on in the grander scale because I grow weary of constantly discussing my health. BUT for those who are concerned I want to say I am doing quite well at the moment. I am going to PT as always and started pool therapy as an add on. I feel more full of energy than a year ago. The meds are working and I am on a lot !!! But I have to do what works for me and so far lupus is not active. That does not mean remission by the way. Inactive means the meds have everything under control lab wise and symptomatically. I still have bone-joint-muscle pain,fatigue,insomnia, early signs of menopause,adrenal dysfunction, bone necrosis,arthralgia, weakness and low white cell counts due to the medications which suppress the immune system; the mechanism through which lupus can become active. Once the immune system is suppressed the lupus is unable to go astray and attack my own body. On a GOOD note: my kidneys are functioning well due to three meds I take as well. I guess you can say modern medicine and all the other good things I do are working. i hope to one day be off most of the medications but the reality is that may not be possible and as long as I am happy, fed, housed, loved and mentally functioning with Douglas by my side all other frivolous matters seem to handle themselves. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things on my wish list left to do, but I have lived a pretty full life and am grateful for all the adventures and experiences. I have been blessed!!!!

Challnges in tough times....HOPE and straight talk

During these difficult times in the world we ask ourselves if there is hope? I can honestly say there are always possibilities but hope is still an empty word if you believe in reality. Hope is one of those words I argue because it puts off the current moment for the possible future instead of accepting the present moment and making the best of it. "Making lemon-aide out of lemons" was not just a cute saying. It was an old fable translated into something we can understand. This fable is told in every culture about making the best of a worst case scenario. It is about not falling prey to the fear words of our "leaders" (political and religious etc.). Fear can make us feel lost and with out needed tools to overcome loss, pain and the human condition unless we "do this or do that". What if a religious leader or a politician said "Suck it up and be bold people; stop whining, cut back on spending, spend more time at home, cook your own meals, take the bus, grow your food, share the wealth, sell that big SUV, live within your means, stop feeling sorry for yourself, smile to a stranger and do something nice for your neighbors and the world?" I doubt we would vote for that. So they try to offer HOPE. Try? Has this worked? Yes it has but it has also kept us in a dream and living way too far in the future. I am guilty of this too. I put things on hold and hope for a brighter day. I tell patients they have hope for remission. I give loved ones some form of hope for the future. What I have learned is that future does not exist. The moment is now. NOW is the only moment we have. Make the best of it while it is here. That is what I will "try" to say NOW.

If the sky falls how will I decide to handle it? How will you? When the rich decide to pay themselves big fat dividend checks on tax payer dollars will we say "A brighter future will be ahead?". We do this all the time and then, like John Stewart pointed out so clearly on his "Comedy Central's" show last night: Fear and hope are always forcing our hands into action. Iraq war and now the big ass bailout. When does straight talk happen? Why do we resist? I guess it is human nature and the illusion under which we live our lives in a very prosperous society compared to the rest of the world. That is an illusion too. We have lived a lie. NOW we have to change the story by being honest and accepting the truth of the moment and know we have possibilities but not false hope.

I am leaving open the possibilities for a bright moment and taking responsibility for my own happiness and the way in which I live my life. I may back slide, as all humans do, but I will aspire to make the day a bright one here and NOW. There is always a bright side and a gift or miracle in the unexpected.......Let's find it. Let's pay attention now and do what is truly best and not simply put a band-aide on our unforeseeable future. Straight talk is what we need now. Are you up with that?

To Bail or not to Bail?

I know I am in a free country when I have the ability to ask my banker if I should close our retirement and place it into a safe savings account(MM) or to ride out the wave and see what the future brings. It is only in a rich and capitalistic country do we ask that question. Even in our "wealthy" country there are people deciding if they should eat lunch or hold off for dinner because they can not afford that Happy Meal. Come on folks.....It is not the end of the world for most of us invested in the stock market. For many that alone is a privilege beyond their means. The truth is that what we(D and I ) have managed to save is not enough to pay off our minivan. Debt is still on our side. I know few who actually own their home outright (no mortgage) or even their vehicle. We have outlived our savings and our credit. Most of us in the lower 98% have debt and owe more than we save. We spend more than we make. It has been the American Dream and Credo. Living up to the Jone's is catching up with us in a big way. The old corporate promise of a bright future retirement does not exist and owning one's own business costs more than it makes."What's up with that?"

It would be easy to blame it all on Hedge Funds, speculations, corporate waste and bad investments or spending in the banking industry or bad politics and regulations, but what about personal choice? Did Corporate-Government America force us to buy that Bling, BMW or i-Pod they shove down our throats? I think we need to look at the real issue: Our relationship with money !!! Our values!!! How do we teach and reach our children and how were we taught to handle-spend-save-value money? I know I was taught not to talk about it. Money was a taboo subject. I also remember though that spending was not taken lightly and Penny Pinchers were present in our family more than wild spenders. I came from the old school, where you will find people who drive old cars and own their homes outright. People who buy top quality products which last forever or buy from thrift shops, barter, trade and who recycle and compost. We garden and can food for winter. We save coupons, burn firewood and turn in pop bottles. I was taught to save change forever until you have a rainy day. These things have stuck with me for the most part. I am conservative in spending and yet do not mind splurging on items needed or which can bring some joy to life when needed. But the bills are paid first and I own no Bling. My grandmother told me that she would rather die than pay a bill late. I wore hand me down(thrift shop) dresses to high school dances. I had a great grandfather who died with dollar bills hidden in his dresser, bed and all over the place. This long lineage of thrifty folks has made me feel empowered and though I am "poor" in the bank I am rich in values. I consider how people in third world countries or New Orleans feel when they can not buy rice for their kids. That is news worthy and yet rarely hits the front page or top news story. While we figure out how to stop the government-corporate bleeding, the heads of these businesses will ride away on their private jet to a non USA taxed island and will live out their retirement on caviar. Lets hope it is a cannibalistic island(kidding. Meanwhile the working class will continue to struggle and buy those products sold to us in every way possible.

I guess what I am saying is that we are lucky if we have the privilege to have any funds in savings or investments and that the bleeding has to stop in a real way. I hope our government-corporate leaders make sure no one profits from this and the average person still has a way to save for retirement or at least a rainy day.

Avascular Necrosis FYI

As many of you know I have been on steroids for my entire adult life for lupus control. This has caused a condition called AVN or Avascular Necrosis. I have had four joints replaced, actually the bones which make up the joint, due to this destructive condition for which western medicine has no cure. The outlook is devastating for someone as independent as me. I am coming to terms with it more now due to increase pain and decrease mobility. It has spread to most of my large bones and some small. Think of swiss cheese. I say this because I want people to understand why one day I walk tall and the next I am with walker, cane or wheel chair. I am ordering a motorized chair soon so do not be shocked when you see me in it. I am trying to be positive and proactive doing all I can to make it ok mentally and emotionally while doing all I can physically and nutritionally as possible. After 20 years of dealing with it's progression I have to face the facts so I have listed them here for you to ponder. Please do not bombard me with all sort of alternative treatments I have studied and done everything under the sun. The fact I exercise, walk and live a fairly normal life is amazing enough. I will continue to be active but changes are expected and miracles always happen. See my bones strong and blood vessels bring blood to them.

Definition

Avascular necrosis is death of bone tissue due to a lack of blood supply. This can lead to tiny breaks in the bone and the bone's eventual collapse. Avascular necrosis most often affects the head of the thighbone (femur), causing hip pain. But it may affect other bones as well.

Blood supply to the bone can be impaired for a number of reasons, including injuries. Avascular necrosis is also associated with long-term use of steroid medications. Can be caused by lupus, other diseases and alcoholism. Your doctor might use other terms to describe avascular necrosis, such as osteonecrosis, aseptic necrosis or ischemic bone necrosis.

Avascular necrosis is progressive, meaning it worsens with time. Managing the condition is a lifelong process.

Symptoms

Avascular necrosis may cause no signs or symptoms. But some people experience pain or a loss of range of motion in the affected joint. Where you experience pain depends on where the avascular necrosis occurs. For instance:

* Avascular necrosis of the hip may cause pain in your groin. Pain may radiate down your thigh to your knee. Pain is usually worse when standing or walking.
* Avascular necrosis of the wrist may cause wrist pain and finger weakness. You might feel less pain when you keep your hand still. The wrist bones most commonly associated with avascular necrosis include the lunate (Kienbock disease) and the scaphoid (Preiser disease).
* Avascular necrosis of the knee causes knee pain. The bone most commonly affected is the lower end of the thighbone (femur).
* Avascular necrosis of the shoulder usually involves the head of your upper arm bone (humerus). Pain and stiffness are common.

Avascular necrosis may also develop in the bones of your foot, ankle, spine and jaw.

Tests and diagnosis

To determine what's causing your pain, your doctor will ask about your medical history and your current signs and symptoms. He or she will likely want to know what actions increase your pain and what relieves it.

In order to diagnose avascular necrosis, your doctor may request images be taken to get a closer look at your bones. Common tests for avascular necrosis include:

* X-rays. X-rays usually appear normal in people who have early-stage avascular necrosis. Later stages may be more evident on an X-ray.
* Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). MRI scans can show early changes in the bone that may indicate avascular necrosis.

Depending on your signs and symptoms, your doctor may use other tests to diagnose avascular necrosis. In rare cases, your doctor may surgically remove a small piece of bone (biopsy) for laboratory examination.

Complications

Avascular necrosis that goes untreated will continue causing deterioration of the bone. Eventually the bone may become weakened enough that it collapses, causing pain and disability. Letting your avascular necrosis go untreated could lead to severe pain and loss of movement within two to five years.

Treatments and drugs

The goal of avascular necrosis treatment is to prevent further bone loss. What treatment you receive depends on the amount of bone damage you already have. Early stages of avascular necrosis may benefit from more conservative treatment, while later stages may require surgery.

Medications
Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) can relieve pain caused by avascular necrosis. Examples of NSAIDs include aspirin and ibuprofen.

Bisphosphonate medications, such as alendronate (Fosamax), also may play a role in the treatment of this disease. In some studies of people with avascular necrosis affecting the ball portion of the hip joint (femoral head), bisphosphonates appeared to slow the progression of the disease and reduce pain. More research is needed before doctors can make a strong recommendation about the use of bisphosphonates in the treatment of avascular necrosis.

Rest
Reducing the amount of weight and stress on your affected bone may slow the damage of avascular necrosis. You may need to restrict the amount of physical activity you engage in. In the case of hip or knee avascular necrosis, you may need to use crutches to keep weight off your joint for one to three months.

Exercises
Certain exercises may help you maintain or improve the range of motion in your joint. A physical therapist can choose exercises specifically for your condition and teach you how to do them.

Electrical stimulation
Electrical currents may encourage your body to grow new bone to replace the area damaged by avascular necrosis. Electrical stimulation can be used during surgery and applied directly to the damaged area. Or it can be administered through electrodes attached to your skin.

Surgery
Surgical procedures for people with avascular necrosis include:

* Core decompression. In this operation, your surgeon removes part of the inner layer of your bone. This relieves pressure within your bone, reducing your pain. The extra space allows your bone to form new blood vessels and stimulate the production of new bone. Core decompression works best in people with early-stage avascular necrosis.
* Bone reshaping (osteotomy). This procedure reshapes the bone to reduce the amount of stress placed on the area affected by avascular necrosis. Osteotomy is usually used in people with advanced avascular necrosis. Recovery may take up to a year.
* Bone transplant (graft). During this procedure, your surgeon takes healthy bone from another part of your body and implants it into the area affected by avascular necrosis. Sometimes this is done in conjunction with a core decompression. Recovery may take six to 12 months. More studies are needed to establish the effectives of this treatment for avascular necrosis.
* Joint replacement. If your diseased bone has already collapsed or other treatment options aren't helping, you may need joint replacement surgery (arthroplasty). Joint replacement surgery replaces your joint with an artificial one. It requires months of recovery, including time spent learning to use your new joint.

Because avascular necrosis is a progressive disease, your doctor may start with conservative treatments. As those measures, such as rest, become less effective, you may move to more aggressive treatments, such as surgery.