much ado about nothing

Hearts are hearts in physical and in ethereal forms. My grandparents have both had heart attacks in the past few months. My friend has had lupus related heart issues. I feel too much emotionally.......and our common bond that is "we feel" !!!! What and how we feel is the question.....My grandmother is reading a book on "living with heart failure".....of which heart do we speak? Is there a connection? Do our emotions relate directly to our organ? To what degree do we sense our emotions to the degree at which we can avoid the heart attach? Do we really want to see our emotions to that degree? "I DO" !!!! I have had heart issues with lupus and am on heart meds etc.....I have a systolic murmur and high BP. I am examining this aspect of my life. I saw my lupus Dr. today and he said "You are looking good for being the only patient I have with every complication possible and fulfill every criteria for lupus............" Well....that is great but what does that mean? I guess I am lucky to be alive and feeling "healthy" for whatever that is worth. So tests are ordered, blood drawn, urine given, body fully examined and daily chemo pills(cellcept) starting again tomorrow. I come home and feel lucky to have care yet not quiet sure how lucky I am??? on a heart feeling level. The other side of the fence is that I wish some days were just days without being labeled "sick"...........With that said I am not sick I am healing. I refuse to accept being set aside for statistics. I will focus on that !!! I will find my way though this thick forest of fatigue. My Dr. "Joe" is great because he encourages(even pushes) my gardening knowing that is my workout and meditation and encourages exercise !!!. He also has me paired with a fellow patient friend with whom we work out. He also wants to experience the amazing heirloom varieties which we have been able to grow, and how could you blame him? His mom is or was an avid gardener and it healed her heart.That is the insight healers need to have.



Growing love, tolerance, peace, hope,food and understanding is the whole point. My heart aches for the healing of worldly issues since I was 4 years old. I know I took on a big part of that healing as I thought I was once a conduit for this work. Call it spiritual healing or whatever you want. I do feel others pain. Always have and always will. Now I must separate myself and heal my own pain. That is the quest for the week..........Oh where to start. In the moment perhaps?