Pitty party over

I am sorry for spewing my angst all over the blog for you to read as this is how I journal. I guess we all have bad days no matter how hard we fight it. One thing I have learned is :"This too shall pass". I know when in the midst of a bad day it seems surreal and very important, but it isn't really. It is the great days we will hold close to our heart and remember. I can not imagine what it is like being in a war or a country which under constant upheaval. In that sense I am ashamed of being such a whiny brat....so let's move on. Negativity wears me out. it's a new day !!!

I also understand what it is called "Reactionary Depression". It occurs during but usually after a life altering event or a period of challenges like health scares, death of loved one, a big move, divorce, loss of job etc. Pretty much where the entire country is right now. It is usually a short depression which can be handled by talking to someone objective, writing, helping others and reading inspirational tales of those who have had it much worse and survived joyfully. I have had it after every major health crisis and it seems to be the time period when I realize a long span of time has passed when I had to focus on healing and dealing with insurance, money, loss of social interaction, loss of work or school, being in bed, in the hospital or just feeling very weak with no room to feel emotional. Then I awaken one day and there is a gray tint to everything my rose colored glasses usually seek out. I do not seem to get a good laugh together or feel motivated. Small challenges seem huge. This is a dark night of the soul but the sun also rises. It is that time needed to absorb the events and gather energy for the next phase. Life has it's cycles and they live within us and nature. I know when I get through this spring I will begin to feel myself happy and upbeat once again. I also miss Douglas so much. He is my rock and my soft spot. My best friend and great love. Two months fly by and yet they drag just the same. I am grateful for the health care and generosity of friends and family. I am blessed to have a wonderful space in which to heal and I still feel positive but I have to allow some sadness to creep into my heart or I would be super human or not human at all. I will take average humanoid any day. Well...part bionic.
So I will make myself a great day and keep focused on the things which bring joy and fill the heart and mind with positivity and gratitude.