Bone chillin

I am feeling the bone chilling snowy cold at the moment. I really do not mind the winter if prepared and warm. It is very pretty outside and the white blanket on the grass is only the beginning. It is not even winter yet. I think we are in for a long one.

So I count down with dread the days till Doug leaves for Tennessee. He will be gone longer than expected and I am not thrilled nor is he, but very grateful for the work. He is so concerned to leave me alone in the winter. I am too quite honestly. It is a lot to keep the wood stove going in the basement, collecting kindling, recycling, trash up the hill to road in the ice and dealing with regular power outages. I sure love being home though. I think I did not realize how fragile I am now after 6 joint replacements and more to come. I structurally feel more fragile (weak) than I ever have and that is so very hard for me to admit. I have prided myself on how strong I have been. I was always the tom boy and challenging anyone to arm wrestling or a race. Now I feel happy to walk to the car with out falling a breaking a bone or dislocating a hip. PT yesterday really wiped me out which spurred on this realization. Next week we go to 3 days a week for 1.25 hours. It is great but I feel it more now than ever in all joints and bones. My poor therapist is afraid she will hurt me. Simple things seems challenging. I need my guy home!

I guess this is how it feels to age. Yet I am only 43. Just glad lupus is behaving now and kidneys are doing well at the moment. I just wish and pray Douglas will find work here in Michigan one of these days soon. it will be a while, if ever, I will be able to work again. I do not know know how long we can keep this up. He is not getting younger either. We occasionally talk about moving back down south or to a smaller place in town. I can not even consider a move at this point and I have such a fabulous team of health care providers I would be lost anywhere else. I have moved 25 times in my life. I really plan to be here forever but we shall see. To even think it feels odd considering how special this land and home are. We talk of other options too for work-income. We shall see where the economy goes. We are all in this together. Doug and I are blessed to have one another ! That is what counts, that and our family-friends.