snake in my way???no way !! it was transormational

I have been interested in native american tradition, culture and history for many years thanks to my uncle Max Saul and my grandparents(Gross') and a friends (not a big history geek so don't try to challenge me on it) but I do know snakes in many indigenous cultures represent change or transformation. I am a portion Cherokee and researched a bit about this. I also attended some native ceremonies) which were eye opening. Snakes are a reflection of our need-desire-path ( whether we like it or not) to change or shed the past during certain times of the year. It is like a chicken molting or a butterfly morphing. I have always had a snake live by me, walk by me, under me, over me or with me while I was approaching a challenging time or in the middle of it. You can call it folklore or whatever but it has been a steady in my life and it's "medicine" has served me well. If you have a special pet ( horse, dog, cat etc.) then you know they carry medicinal-healing qualities just like wild animals. I personally want to Cap(ture) a few raccoons in our yard................and some skunks and chipmunks, But for the most part I am all about the animals having their natural lives and somehow wisdom which in many ways affect us. The trick is knowing what they might be saying, metaphorically, in the grand mystical native sense. In my opinion..................The photo to the right shows the black snake we had at our dock (which no snakes have really been present for many many years in cold Michigan)...We had some smallish water snakes.....................but this was a bigger version of the non poisonous version. It made me feel peaceful for some reason. maybe the way it just stood still staring at me while I shoved off shore?

I can clearly say that this past two weeks has been all about family, obligations, disappointments, memories and mother "issues". I am a motherless child considering all the mothers I have had. Steps, Grands and God Mothers included. I seems to have been short handed in a way, yet so blessed all at once. I mourn for my first and second mothers Pam and Donna who both died this week years ago. I also mourn for my grandmother Vera who is now ill and taking care of our Poppa at home with Hospice. I was there today to witness the love she has for him. The mother role she admits was not her gift, Yet to me she was everything a mom should and could be. Her mind drifts and she toils after her love. She always has and worried her love for him took away from the love for her kids. Her life devoted to a man no one understood. I love him so very much. My relationship was different than that of my other relatives. My mom was very close to him too. I guess I am saying that my grandmother may have felt like a bod mother in some ways, but to me, my mom and her husband she was the rock !!!! and still is. She took care of my mom when she was so sick. She has always been there for me and everyone else who has needed her. I fear she will die not knowing this. I fear my Poppa will die not knowing how much he was loved or at least how much by her. Sometimes years cloud good memories. His tears today showed me he did not forget and I will see him in my dreams soon(pain free). The tears I shed.

When I left today I kissed his red, cold, balding head filled with sarcomas and bloody nose from a life prolonging oxygen tank........I watched him struggle to utter even the simple word "yes" for water or soup which seemed painful to swallow. Yet no complaints. Only a loving hug and gesture from Grand-Mom that all is well. When I kissed him good night I told him he could let go and I love him and to promise to visit me in our dreams tonight. He started to cry as did I and we shared a moment which now make me cry. It reminded me of the moment we shared on July 10, 1975 when he told me my mom died. Now we are full circle, and eyes wet with tears I did not hold back, nor would I try, I find myself pondering family and the roles we play, or decide not to play, and to whom or whom with not we share our love. Why is the answer. The answer is only in how we let it affect our lives now. Why we hold back?

In a sense I know lives have been lost......lives will be lost and mothers and fathers are just humans trying the best they can to play the role. I miss my moms and I am foreseeing the loss of a" Grand-father". Tender night..............week......for me. As for the others (you know who you are) who have been going through similar sadness............My heart goes out you all. I know it is not easy saying good buy. Let the snake energy of transforming take to that place of letting go and letting god settle this quandary. sad night..............................